Soccer is Life (part deux)

Here are a few observations I have made about the sport the rest of the world calls football.  They are fairly random so feel free to add your own bullet points.  My list may grow throughout the day.

  • exchange of jerseys — at the end of every game, the players that sweated it out swap jerseys with members of the other team.  It’s an awesome sportmanship measure.
  • no cheerleaders — yes, this is a positive as you don’t have sit next to some sweaty drunk freak yelling at the top of his lungs at a hottie half his age.  One less distraction.
  • "how a tie can be a win?"  — I hear some criticize soccer because many of the games result in a draw.  A tie can be a win.  For example, during one of the games I watched this weekend, the team had to play a man short for half the game.  The game remained scoreless and the team from Trinidad and Tobago went nuts, acting like they had won the World Cup.  It was so cool to witness and definitely a mental victory for them and defeat for the heavily favored Swedes.
  • lack of scoring isn’t a bad thing — this sort of ties in to the bullet point above.  Since it’s so difficult to score, the anticipation of scoring is heightened.  Hmm, this is sounding like a comparison between soccer and sex.
  • no interruptions during a match — awww, perhaps the best part about watching soccer is that there are no commercial interruptions.  The game clock runs for 45 minutes twice, add in a bit of stoppage time, and it’s over.  None of that pesky basketball shit where the final two two minutes of a game can take 15 minutes. 
  • inexpensive sport to play — the only out of pocket expense is perhaps a pair of cleats, and shinguards.  You can play soccer pretty much anywhere with any clothing.  I wish I could say the same thing about triathlons, but let’s face it… triathlons aren’t for everyone because they are hella expensive.  Soccer is so popular because anyone of any income, it’s definitely not an elitist sport.
  • fitness level — you won’t see any 250 pound soccer players like you do on the football or baseball field.  Soccer players are fit mother fuckers.  No bellies spilling out over their baseball belts.  I don’t recall every seeing a player with an oxygen mask over their face on the sideline.
  • weather — you play soccer no matter what Mother Nature is feeling like.  Although maybe it should be cancelled during thunderstorms.  I absolutely love playing soccer in the rain.  Yes, this is how you know I’m a Seattle native.
  • hair — whether it’s a mullet, spikey, short, or non-existent… soccer hair seems to always look well coiffed.  You can’t have a bad hair day as a soccer player.  This does include female soccer players as well.
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About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
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51 Responses to Soccer is Life (part deux)

  1. sprizee says:

    Cleats are cool.

  2. egan says:

    Sprizee – cleats are cool and if you’re really cool they’re known as “boots” by most outside of the U.S. If you knew what was good for you, you would refer to them as boots from now on. And I will refer to the sport as football/futbol as well. Je joue au football.

  3. logo™ says:

    Calcio is indeed a great sport. If I was given to watching sports, I might watch more of it.

  4. egan says:

    Logo™ – si, “calcio”, or soccer in Italian, is a dope sport. It’s also a very fun sport to play, if you’re not inclined to watch 90 minutes of guys trying to score.

  5. logo™ says:

    “…watch 90 minutes of guys trying to score.”
    A scene also available at area clubs, often with similar levels of sucess.

  6. egan says:

    Logo™ – that may be your best comment ever. I love it! Damn you’re witty.

  7. sorry. that jersey thing just grossed me out. No soccer for me.

  8. egan says:

    BabyJ – they don’t wear them, they just exchange them. You’re such a germ freak and I love it.

  9. Melissa says:

    Mix a bit of point 1 with a negative point 7, and there really is a sight! Normally reserved only for local matches (dads, uncles kind of thing getting together against a town a couple of miles down the road)
    And it is a sport definately best played in a huuuage shower with lots of mud. It just makes it that little bit more fun!

  10. egan says:

    Melissa – the more more mud and dirtier the jersey, the better.
    TayRez – what’s hott is how damn long it’s taking that sock to get to you. I bet some postal carrier now owns a purple iPod sock. Bastards!

  11. sprizee says:

    And if you’re really, really cool you say they’re known instead of they known.
    I thought a boot is what you called the trunk of your car if you owned a MINI and drove around waving exclusively at other Mini and MINI drivers?

  12. sprizee says:

    Good work Edan. Thanks for fixing that shit.

  13. egan says:

    Sprizee – you’re on top of things alright. Nothing gets passed you. I have no qualms with grammar or spelling corrections, none.
    Sprizee – Edan is my name, don’t wear it out. Hey, say it… don’t spray it!

  14. ~d says:

    i only know the dude from the early 90’s who they shouted and called Own Goal. I remember it created quite a hub-bub.

  15. egan says:

    ~d – you mean the Columbian dude that eventually got killed for scoring an own goal during a World Cup loss to the U.S.? That was tragic. That shit should never happen, I mean giving up an own goal is awful.

  16. Enita says:

    Death by lightning! Now that’s the way to go! Maybe that’s what the bridge jumper was hoping for.

  17. egan says:

    Enita – maybe, but we seldom get lightning in Seattle. Getting lightning in Seattle is like ordering a Pepsi in Atlanta… it just doesn’t happen.

  18. ~d says:

    YES! that is SO him! Wishing I could link. Sigh.

  19. egan says:

    ~d – I will send you an email today on how to link in blog comments. It will change your blogging experience.

  20. Enita says:

    Congratulations on a well-informed metaphor relating soda to atmospheric fluctuations. I am quite impressed with your knowledge of the cola industry.

  21. Enita says:

    Actually that was technically a simile, but who was paying attention?

  22. party girl says:

    I never would have thought I would see that not having cheerleaders would be a positive thing.

  23. egan says:

    Enita – I try, that I do. I try my best to impress you each and every day. Most of the time I do fail though and it pains me very much.
    Enita – I can look past your mistake. Saying “Pepsi” in Atlanta could get you tarred and feathered.
    Party Girl – I find sports with cheerleaders kind of boring. Obviously the sport isn’t interesting enough or they wouldn’t have former Hooters girls shaking their moneymakers in front of drunk fans.

  24. Curare_z says:

    Futbol is also the only game where a player can get hit in the head with a ball and people don’t laugh…they cheer.
    Imagine that with football — “Ladies and gentlemen, he’s going for the long pass — DOH! — I guess [insert name here] just can’t catch with his face.”

  25. Randa says:

    Egan, that is an awesome list. Very well done. Soccer rules; that’s for damn sure. I was talking to my sister-in-law on Saturday night, who told me that her hubbby and son were watching The Hockey Game. I said, in a confused tone, “The Hockey Game? What hoc…Oh. The Stanley Cup!” As soon as World Cup started, hockey is naught but a wisp of a memory in our household, a mere distraction until soccer is on…

  26. Brooke says:

    And you can see their legs. Don’t forget that part.

  27. jungle jane says:

    I will not comment on this post even though i am dying to mention post-goal celebrations and shirt lifting. But i cannot do so because you are STILL referring to it as soccer. I am warning you Egan F. change your tune or i will photoshop the entire USA team to have large breasts.

  28. madelyn says:

    i like the fancy tricks with the ball
    and the FIT men!

  29. egan says:

    Curare_Z – you apparently have watched softball. Which reminds me of the time my buddy got hit on the head while reading his bike. A softball hit him squarely on the head. A girl hit a foul ball home run that bounced off his head while reading his bike. I have tapes to prove this.
    Randa – and it doesn’t help that the Oilers are stinking it up. I want a Canadian team to win the Cup so bad. I did a little research today and found out the only time Canada made the World Cup was in 1986. They didn’t win a match. Yikes.
    Brooke – very true, they have amazing legs. Hmmm, I play soccer too.
    Jungle Jane – football is a great sport. Jane is also a great sport. Football is great to follow every four years. Jane is great to follow every four days. Football is the shiznit. Jane is the shit.
    Madelyn – oh, yes the mad footwork. I wish I could do some of those cool tricks. Oh, the fit men are so cool. Fit football/soccer women are always nice too.

  30. jungle jane says:

    Egan i am touched. Here i was thinking that i was merely a hobby to you. I would far rather be your shit than your hobby.

  31. egan says:

    Jungle Jane – I love it when you melt my heart with bathroom humor. Keep it coming.

  32. ChickyBabe says:

    Soccer? Men chasing a ball? Nah… the best part is those photos of the hunks that are doing the email rounds. Be still my perving heart!

  33. ~d says:

    Dude, a personal shout out for not getting involved in that catholic crap I put out there. It is a very personal issue to me. I thought I was being specific to one particular fucking pedophile…I am going to take the post dwon in a day. I want it to stew a bit more.
    Thank you-I am sending personal hollas to Enita, kevin and-well, no way to FIND Few…
    best,
    ~d

  34. sandra says:

    Best. Looking. Male. Sports. Players.

  35. Mone says:

    most soccerplayers have nice legs…

  36. Pants says:

    I love me a well coiffed mullet.

  37. Janet says:

    After reading your list, and the link that went along with that article I was reminded of a book I read in those awkward middle school years called Tangerine. It is about soccor and lightening. If you’re one to read, I would highly recommend it.
    And you’re right. Soccor is far and away the sexiest sport kicking.

  38. egan says:

    ChickyBabe – are you quoting yourself? I love the emailing hunks as well.
    ~d – I had a feeling it was very personal to you. I’m simply not religious so it makes the whole thing a lot easier to handle.
    Sandra – I would agree. We won’t even mention those Competitive Eaters.
    Mone – yes, most soccer players do. I haven’t seen any that don’t. All that running and kicking sure does help.
    Pants -well coiffed mullets seem to be making a comeback. Keep your eyes peeled.
    Janet – this book sounds interesting. I do read, this year reading has taken a backseat though to triathlon training. After the Ironman that will change. Tangerine has been noted.

  39. Curare_z says:

    Don’t talk to me about softball. Last week, for our first game of the season (I play on a co-ed team that’s more about drinking afterwards than playing), I took a ball in the mouth (I play catcher). My lip split open. THANK GOD it’s healed now, but I’ll admit…I didn’t think it was funny.

  40. Cherry! says:

    I agree with all the points except the last one. What about Rinaldo (I can’t spell the name) that plays for Brazil?? The guy with the long hair. It is repulsive!!! hahahaha!
    Go Italia!

  41. So, Egan, Since I have no hair it would always be perfectly coiffed so therefore I would be a good candidate for a soccer player.
    Having said that, running hurts, I would still rather sit my skinny ass on a bike and ride for 5 or 6 hours….just wait till the tour starts

  42. treespotter says:

    you should also add that this is a game where the americans constantly got booted.

  43. sandra says:

    Egan, those competitive eaters freak me out! I watched way too much of a documentary about them a few weeks back. One guy ate something like 20 pounds of food while training one day. It just seems…unnecessarily painful.

  44. Pants says:

    I should know mullets are making a come back- I have one. (Lies.)

  45. egan says:

    Curare_Z – do you really play catcher? Maybe we need to revoke the SG nickname you were given.
    Cherry – you mean this guy don’t you?
    The Idiot – I’m right there with you anticipating the start of the Tour de France. I’ve been watching a bunch of stuff on OLN until it starts. Jan Ullrich isn’t looking so great.
    Enita – you’re right, I will get a new post out that isn’t sports related. My bad.
    Treespotter – welcome to my blog. Hey, what do you mean by “booted”? Like how our team had our asses handed to us by the Czech Republic?
    Sandra – the key word in your comment is training. And we wonder why the rest of the world hates Americans?
    Pants – you can type (lies) all you want, but we know you have a femullet.

  46. ~d says:

    Your understanding means a lot.
    Oh crap-you know what? I told someone you eat soccer boots today. But I can’t remember who…maybe Jane? Yikes!
    (chanelling Elvis:)
    I went to a party at the County Jail-
    Prison folks were there they were ready to wail

  47. egan says:

    ~d – I do understand. I try to steer clear of discussions involving religion for obvious reasons. You seem to spend a lot of time near jails. Is this just my imagination? Elvis spent some time in jail right?

  48. Curare_z says:

    It’s a co-ed league Egan. Besides, they had to put me in a position for someone with little to no hand eye coordination…. 🙂

  49. egan says:

    Curare_Z – okay, I hear you loud and clear. No more uses of SG will be uttered on this blog.

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