Pet peeve #3: At work and at the gym we have these cool things called stand up urinals. Men use these typically to discard liquids from inside their bodies. Sometimes it’s yellow, sometimes it’s clear, and sometimes it’s a loogie. That’s all well and good in my mind as those sorts of things easily flush down the porcelain burrito.
However, we have same lazy bastards in this great country of ours. Some folks can’t be bothered to dispose of things in the proper place. Yes, that means those items find an untimely death in the urinal. My favorite item is bubble gum. Really, how damn hard it is to reach a couple fingers in your mouth, remove gum, and put in garbage? If it’s so easy to spit it in the urinal, isn’t it just as easy to spit it in the garbage? Fools, somebody has to reach in the urinal and grab your Hubba Bubba or Big League Chew. Sure it may not be you, but this doesn’t excuse that sort of behavior. When I become mayor of Seattle, I will allow cameras in men’s bathrooms so the perps can serve time as janitors in various 24 Hour Fitness clubs.
Just now I spied a popsicle stick in the urinal to my right at work.
"I know there’s a garbage can in here, but fuck it, the urinal looks like a great spot for my little wooden stick."
"That’s what she said."
The best thing I ever saw in a urinal though, a turd. Yes, someone built up enough courage once to squat over a urinal and unleash a brown poop. I chuckled to myself when I first saw it and then thought about how they got that shit there. Mind you this was in a swanky Nordstrom bathroom. I bet it was an employee, just a hunch. Why the hunch you ask? Well that’s a cliffhanger for a future post where I will share my last day of work story from Portland, Oregon.