Curved Like Beckham’s

Mr. Beckham and his cohorts from Real Madrid came to Seattle last night.  I know some of you who read this blog don’t know much about the sport we Americans call soccer.  So let me explain a bit about it. 

  1. hot soccer players alone have the ability to draw 66,000 to a stadium.
  2. my legs are more manly than Beckham’s.
  3. I can’t spike my hair like David can, curls are unruly.
  4. I make a fraction of the money #23 makes.
  5. I lost my virginity at 23.
  6. Beckham has 60,000 web hits vs. the six I have.
  7. My siblings number six.
  8. Posh is looking a little haggard these days.
  9. Beckham’s ass is only slightly nicer than mine, slightly.
  10. Number nine wasn’t really Beckham’s ass.

Alright so it’s fairly apparent I attended a soccer match last night between Real Madrid and DC United.  Wow, it was awesome to see so many soccer fans at the game last night.  I loved seeing a sea of cameras flash each time the stars of the game approached the ball.  Then there’s the whole Beckham phenomenon.  Any time that guy farts, people applaud.  The world is his oyster.  I saw a sign that said "Beckham for President" in the stands last night.  Good thing he’s not a U.S. citizen.

David Beckham’s popularity is akin to a Violent Femmes song in a danceclub or any John Cusack movie.  I remember the days when I "clubbed" and a Violent Femmes song, usually Blister in the Sun, would commence.  All the women in the club would stop what they were doing and hurry to the dancefloor as if free shoes in their size and color were being handed out.  All you would hear is shrill screaming before you were trampled to death by a gaggle of girls.

Or… that John Cusack guy.  He drives the women wild too.  It’s very hard to find a woman aged 23-45 that doesn’t like him.  He’s got this universal appeal, similar to Beckham’s, that I can’t quite figure out.  Vive le frenzy I suppose!  What is it that makes a woman’s heart flutter when it comes to Beckham, Cusack, and The Violent Femmes? 


IRONMAN trivia #9/25: no public nudity is allowed at triathlons.  However, the Ironman is the only one that offers changing tents where you can update your wardrobe.  Usually you’re stuck wearing the same outfit the entire race, unless you feel like killing some time in transition to put on fresh clothing.  At the Ironman you can disrobe your Speedo, put on some comfy bike shorts, lube up, and then peel off your bike clothes before the run.  Fresh clothes on a long day are going to feel like a hot bubble bath.  I like to match my bike shoes to my bike shorts, my bike shorts to my jersey, and my helmet to my eye color.  Go Speed Racer go!


About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
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76 Responses to Curved Like Beckham’s

  1. Megan (CA) says:

    Beckham and Violent Femmes? Meh. John Cusack: swoonalicious. I’ve completely lost my train of thought now. *happy sigh*

  2. egan says:

    MeganCA – I rest my case. You have any explanations why? I want to know what IT is about them that drives the women wild.

  3. logo™ says:

    Day after day, I will walk and will play…
    Violent Femmes, mmmmmmmm
    John Cusack, oh my
    I have to go…somewhere, for…
    for a few minutes,
    be back later

  4. egan says:

    Logo™ – please tell me one of the three pisses you off to no end. It doesn’t sound like that’s likely. Tissue?

  5. L says:

    No fluttering for Beckham here. In fact, I don’t really get into the whole swooning for celebs thing. But, hey – where are those free shoes in my size?

  6. egan says:

    L – celebrities are just people like you and me. Some Regular Joes make a great living off of ridiculing celebrities and some just don’t give a shit. I’m sort of in between. I’m not sure about you, but I don’t give a shit what Lindsay Lohan had for dinner last night or if Oprah is straight or not. It just doesn’t matter. Oh, the free shoes… they are coming. Wait for it!

  7. Dobermann says:

    Sorry, I skipped the post when I read “Beckham”.. Nothing mentioning Beckham is worth reading. The guy is dumb as a fikus, he would’ve died because of that if he didn’t know how to kick a ball. His wife is going to die soon, she’s looking like a skeleton already, it’s not long way to being one..

  8. L says:

    Speaking of what Lindsay had for dinner, I saw Posh’s pic and thought “she looks hungry”.
    I wish media spent more time on informative and factual reporting than whether or not Vince and Jennifer are engaged.

  9. Phats says:

    I will never understand people being able to get into soccer. However it’s cool you got to see it. It’s more fun to watch the sport you love live. I would never vote for David Beckham either, I would so unregister so fast!
    Come on what’s the mascot name?

  10. Dobermann says:

    L – Now THAT is lot more interesting than Beckhams! 😉

  11. logo™ says:

    OK, Beckham is a pretty good player, but I don’t really give a flip about his clothing choices or personal life.
    John Cusack: I love his movies, I’ve enjoyed reading the things he’s written and the interviews I’ve seen, but I have no idea who he is dating or married to, or whatever. I am not really a celeb follower.
    Smart, sweet, and sexy, is a killer combo.
    As for the Violent Femmes, I’ve no logic for that one, but I do love me some Children of the Revolution.

  12. Burr-ee-toe says:

    Oh man. Where do I begin? I love soccer players. Specifically the Chicago Fire. But only because I went to DC and to visit my best friend and we met a couple of them and went back to their room. I know, makes me sound slutty. But I’m okay with that in this case because there is another little known fact about soccer players… they’re incredibly endowed. Man I wish I could have a re-do of that night.

  13. L says:

    I don’t care about Vince and Jennifer, either. I just want my free shoes.

  14. egan says:

    Dobermann – too bad you aren’t a woman because I would love to hear why you’re so disinterested. I can tell you’re not a big fan of theirs. Too much hype?
    L – the media, certain aspects of it, are crazy. That whole TMZ and YouTube stuff is out of control. Big deal if they are celebrities.
    Phats – why will you NEVER understand? Sounds kind of narrow-minded to me. It’s just a sport like any other. I don’t like NASCAR, but I can see the appeal. We’ve beat this soccer thing to death though so I will let you off the hook. I will share my mascot some other day.
    L – I think our pal Dobermann has a crush on Lindsay.
    Logo – Beckham is great player, but that’s a matter of opinion. You’re such a celeb stalker, don’t think we will fall for your tricks young lady.
    Burr-ee-toe – that’s funny stuff. I was laughing hard after reading your comment. I didn’t know about that little known secret regarding endowed. Are you a Chicago Fire groupie? Soccer players are hot, especially the Chicago Fire. I’m a bit biased too.

  15. egan says:

    L – free shoes aren’t easy to come by. What size are your feet?

  16. Phats says:

    haha alright alright I will drop it, but in all fairness your post was about soccer you should have seen this coming.
    hmm so I am guessing it wasn’t a wild animal like a tiger or a wildkat, or lion

  17. egan says:

    Phats – I don’t get your intolerance of soccer, but I also don’t get why you’re a cheerleader so I think we’re even. I will give you a clue to my high school mascot. Here it is: Minnesota.

  18. L says:

    Size 6 – sample size! I’m sure you have connections, what with all that networking at marathons and triathlons and other things ending in ‘lons.

  19. egan says:

    L – yes, I have many connections via saLONS. I think size 6 can be arranged and you live in my town so this could work out quite well.

  20. Phats says:

    A GOLDEN GOPHER?! hahahahhaa you’re right I am laughing! 🙂
    My father was a longtime football coach and all soccer did was tear up our football field! 🙂 My intolerance is it’s boring as hell. I honestly don’t care one way or the other I just like to pick the opposite view of the other person for argument sake haha. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t sit and watch a soccer match, but they are great athletes and have to be in great shape to play such a demanding sport.
    I was a cheerleading for 3 simple reasons 1.Scholarship Money, 2. Best seats all Purdue sporting events, not to mention free travel to all Bowl and NCAA games, and 3. Hanging out with the best looking females on campus! haha! also it’s a demanding sport in itself

  21. egan says:

    Phats – you’re interesting soul. So football doesn’t tear up a field either? Hmm, I played football and recall trashing fields routinely. Anyways, #3 has me very very curious.
    Nope, not a golden gopher. Try again.

  22. Phats says:

    very very curious about what? I meant the women who cheered, I met my present day girlfriend while cheering.
    Not like soccer did, my dad hated soccer for that simple fact that soccer should not be played on HIS football field.
    Hmm Mosquitoes? I know that is the minnesota state bird right? ha!

  23. Circe says:

    Beckham, Cusack, and The Violent Femmes
    Oh. My. God. I LOVE all three!!!
    *slinks back into blog corner…*

  24. egan says:

    Phats – your dad “hated” soccer because of that? Wow, did/does he have anger management issues? Of all the things to get worked up about, it seems kind of silly. How does he feel about you being a cheerleader? Be honest. Yes, I’m very curious about this. Clue #2: a brand of appliances.

  25. Burr-ee-toe says:

    I’m definitely a Chicago Fire groupie. It was funny because we had no concept of professional soccer players when we met them. We were like oh, is that like the Harlem Globetrotters??

  26. egan says:

    Burr-ee-toe – I’m sure they loved that you had no idea what sport they played. Were they fit dudes? I would hedge a guess they’re pretty young. Probably your age, for the most part. You’re fit and so are they… it’s all good.

  27. Phats says:

    My dad loved it. because it meant free tickets to home games, and he got to travel to all the bowl games with us. Like you said about getting excited at 66,000 at a soccer game imagine cheering or playing in front of 100,000.

  28. Phats says:

    btw you should watch the video i posted on my blog last year, then see if you are still mocking cheerleaders! you probably would be but still

  29. egan says:

    Phats – you win. Correct you are! Go Vikes Go! You’re crazy football freaks I can tell.
    Phats – I knew a guy that was a cheerleader at the University of Washington, my alma mater, and boy do I ever have stories. I bet you’re exactly like him, exactly.

  30. Phats says:

    HAHA! I don’t think i want to be like him the way you are talking. We played them in the rose bowl my senior so I know some of their cheerleaders too, or did.

  31. egan says:

    Phats – I bet you knew him. He sure was an interesting character. Let me ask you this, do you really like women? Maybe you get a little too girl crazy from time to time? Think back to your single days, if necessary.

  32. Phats says:

    No I wasn’t really like that sorry to disappoint. I had no time with school, games, and practice. Besides I had a serious girlfriend all thru college. I did party, but no drinking, I wasn’t really wild haha! sorry I am lame. Well I graduated in 01 was her there then?

  33. egan says:

    Phats – do you like toys? Damn you’re young.

  34. Phats says:

    why yes i love toys are you going to get me some?
    I am not young how old are you? if i had to guess i would have guessed younger then me

  35. Curare_Z says:

    David Beckham: I like him because he’s hot. Not because he’s smart…but because is hot. I don’t care what he ate for breakfast, but I bet he was hot when he was doing it.
    John Cusack: I love him because he seems like a real guy. The characters he plays are always quirky…and I imagine him to be somewhat like that too. On a positive note: The Antidote looks a little like him. YUM.
    Violent Femmes: “When I’m walking I strut my stuff, Yeah I’m so strung out. I’m high as a kite and I just might stop to check you out. Let me go on….like I blister in the sun. Let me go ohhhnnn, big hands I know you’re the one…Body and beats, I stained my sheets, I don’t even know why. My girlfriend she’s at the end, she is starting to cry, let me go on….like I blister in the sun. Let me go ohhhnnn, big hands I know you’re the one…”
    No, the words don’t make sense, but it’s catchy nonetheless!

  36. egan says:

    Phats – you graduated from college in 2001? I started college ten years before you. Who’s the old fart? So you do like toys? Good to know.

  37. egan says:

    Curare_Z – I love your honesty. Beckham is hot, we can agree on that. Now, about Mr. Cusack… remember he’s an actor so it’s quite possible he’s not like that in real life. Wait, most actors don’t really seem to stretch their ranges all that much. Robin Williams in a serious role is a rare treat. The lyrics just don’t make sense, they just don’t.. but girls just wanna have fun, they just wanna.
    I think there’s separate post brewing on falling in love with a character an actor plays or the actual person.

  38. Phats says:

    JESUS!! you don’t look that old! Must be all those ironmen, for some reason I thought you, steph, and I were all the same age.
    Yes I graduated in 01 would go back in a heartbeat! 🙂

  39. egan says:

    Phats – everyone thinks I’m younger than I am. It’s my immaturity I think. Most think I’m in my mid to late 20s. Nope, I am thirty three. Now, I must go swim to maintain my girlish figure.

  40. Phats says:

    haha have fun! it’s a compliment, that’s how i’d take it.
    I still get carded

  41. msmachine says:

    I still have that reaction to the Violent Femmes. Makes me feel all young and full of power (like when i was a teenager and played the Violent Femmes albums loudly on my walkman so my parents couldn’t hear). My daughter has now become a fan. The only difference is that she plays the songs on her MP3 and sings at the top of lungs so I can hear!

  42. peek317537 says:

    Beckham – yes, Cusack – NO! I like to be different though. I have never understood the appeal of Johnny Depp either.
    I laughed at the ass picture.

  43. egan says:

    Phats – you’re right, it’s is good to be carded still when you’re 12 years over the legal limit. I have a devilish grin too.
    MsMachine – so I gather you’ve been playing a lot of Violent Femmes in the new pad? You and your daughter jumping around to the various hits. If you aren’t, you better be.
    Peek – good to hear this. Just don’t like Cusack’s appearance or what? The ass picture is a fun one. Hey, you skipped the number question I had for you?

  44. peek317537 says:

    No Egan, I did not skip the number question, I answered it on the other post but to save you the trouble, write the numbers on a piece of paper and turn the paper upside-down. What do you get?

  45. peek317537 says:

    I don’t like how Cusack looks. Not macho enough or something. Not really sure, he just doesn’t float my boat.

  46. egan says:

    Peek – I got it. You’re too damn clever for me. My name backwards is Nage which means to swim in French and we all know how much I like to swim. Freaky eh?

  47. egan says:

    Peek – that’s cool. It’s an honest answer and that’s all I’m asking for. Maybe he needs some visible tattoos or something. He should take some steroids and bulk up.

  48. peek317537 says:

    Yeah, but the key is to be able to make egan with numbers….. I’m just full of surprises Egan.

  49. egan says:

    Peek – it’s not possible to do. Trust me I tried it back in grade two and last night. It just can’t be done.

  50. peek317537 says:

    Egan – well then, I guess you are out of the special club. Too bad, you would have been a nice addition.

  51. Phats says:

    WOW! PEek you are clever! I thought it was neat

  52. Stephanie says:

    I’m sorry, what? You lost me when you mentioned Beck’s ass….

  53. Janet says:

    So… who really owns the butt?
    And Beckham is fit, confident, handsome, a soccor player and European. Need I say more?

  54. Phats says:

    you know egan the best part of waking up is folgers in your cup.

  55. egan says:

    Peek – I was never in the Special Club. I wasn’t cool enough to hang out with the likes of the popular cats. We hung out at the bowling alley and my friend’s house. Dorks.
    Phats – you are neat and clever. You’re almost a triple threat.
    Stephanie – Beckham has a nice ass, that I admit. He’s got some nice abs too.
    Janet – nope, do you you suppose he likes cold cereal for dinner or swimming? Hey, why do you spell soccer with an “or”? Just curious.
    Phats – Folgers is so early 80s. You’re trying to get me worked up aren’t you?

  56. Phats says:

    DAMN IT! I was trying to get on your good side, Steph told me to do that thru coffee.

  57. ChickyBabe says:

    Re #9, we need pictorial proof! I’ll e the judge of that ;).

  58. egan says:

    Phats – Steph is full of funky ideas. It’s as if I love coffee or something. I have a vested interest in coffee, so Stephanie can be trusted.
    ChickyBabe – I have some triathlon photos for you.

  59. mez says:

    I think the appeal of john cusack (yes, another fan – I’m 28) is in the fact that he’s funny and has boyish qualities (appears fun and mischevious) without degrading himself to “pretty boy” status. He also presents those superficial qualities (cute, funny, etc) alongside appearing intelligent and quirky. I mean, what’s not to love? 😉
    I LOVE his sister Joan too – she is EXCELLENT!

  60. gretchen says:

    Third year of college, was a “Big Sis” for a frat. Halloween night. Won second place with my “Little Bro.” in a dance contest. We danced to “Blister in the Sun.” We didn’t want first place – it was just money. Second place was a case of beer. We got what we wanted.
    (It helped that my “real” older brother was a judge. He knew we just wanted the free beer. HEE HEE)

  61. Eunice says:

    All the women in the club would stop what they were doing and hurry to the dancefloor as if free shoes in their size and color were being handed out.
    That is a classic line.
    I don’t get the “Random Celebrity for President” signs. Most of the people “nominated” that way are completely inept.

  62. I’ve heard the name Beckham, but am blisfully ignorant on that front. From the pics, he looks a bit of a girly-man. (no offense to girly-man-loving women or men out there, he’s just not my type.)
    Violent Femmes – also ignorant. (Let’s just say that there’s a huge gap in my musical upbringing.)
    John Cusack, however, is delicious. Or at least he seems delicious. I haven’t actually tried him or anything. I believe he’s Jaichan’s future husband.

  63. I was too lost in Cusack land to mention that I found it interesting that you lube up *after* you put on your bike shorts. Isn’t that a little messy?

  64. Trick says:

    I like the Violent Femmes….not necessarily that song so much. I could easily live my life without the other 2.

  65. babyjewels says:

    posh needs to eat a sandwich and put her extensions back in. Although I do like the tattoo she got on her back and that’s why she’s sporting the new do. Which is a don’t.
    Man, I’ve got to stop reading celebrity blogs. My abundance of knowledge is embarrassing.

  66. egan says:

    Mez – those are pretty good reasons to like John. He seems like a cool guy from the interviews I’ve seen on talk shows. Joan is hysterical.
    Gretchen – you were in a sorority? Ha, I dated a sorority girl for a couple years in college. It was pretty fun to learn about the inner workings of those places. No free beer though.
    Eunice – yep, and most aren’t even citizens. I highly doubt someone as high profile as Beckham wants even more attention.
    Candace – I knew you would love Cusack, living in Michigan and all. He’s the heartthrob of the Midwest. I have no idea what the hell that means. You don’t know the Violent Femmes and you’re homeschooling your children? I’m scared, very scared for those kids of yours.
    Candace – very funny. I smeared a bunch of butt butter on my face too. Cream is good.

  67. egan says:

    Trick – I can’t believe you don’t like Cusack. I understand the Beckham thing because he’s not a skater, but not loving Cusack? What’s wrong with you?
    BabyJewels – Posh Spice makes my mouth water. Umm, you love Billy Bush don’t you? I think the new trend in entertainment reporting, you must be a hot female Greek woman. Check your local listings for evidence.

  68. It’s like this….they’re hot.
    And, Victoria needs to eat a sandwich before she disappears. I feel kinda sorry for her and if I saw her on the street and didn’t know who she was I might think that the poor girl spent all her money on tans and designer clothing and now she couldn’t buy any food.
    I am eating a granola bar right now in honor of Mrs. Beckham.

  69. egan says:

    Blonde Vigilante – sure, she’s a bit tiny. Why are we so obsessed with weight in this country? It goes both ways. Picking on skinny people is just as bad as picking on overweight people. Enough is enough! Sorry I’m just so tired of people whining about how skinny celebrities are. I’ve posted something new so we can move on BV.

  70. gretchen says:

    No, I was not in a sorority, but my brother was in the fraternity. So I guess that qualified me. You know, I’ve never thought about who they choose to do that. I just thought it was something cool to do at the time.

  71. egan says:

    Gretchen – … but for the record I really don’t like fraternities. Just ask my buddy Phats.

  72. I’ve only lived in MI for 3 years, but, OK, I lived on WI for a long, long time, so that might ring true. Or maybe it’s just cuz he’s hot in that “lost puppydog” sort of way. 😉 Do I get my meat?
    Butt Butter? I don’t think I want to know. Bag Balm and Butt Butter – it just gets dirtier and dirtier ’round here. Next it will be Schlong Salve.
    You will have to internet-school me in the tao of the Violent Femmes. Maybe I’ve heard them and just don’t know it. Like I said, there was a large, large gap in my musical upbringing. but I’m slowly catching up. James Blunt. The Killers. Next please!

  73. egan says:

    Candace – you’re on fire today. Catching up with music and all that cool shit. I’m very impressed. John Cusack is adorable in that Midwest kind of way.

  74. Shit! I didn’t even read about the chainsaws yet!! What could be better? Well, add some fire to the cut up wood, and there ya go. I have to . . . ah. . . go do. . . something. . .

  75. egan says:

    Candace – you’re full of wise ideas. How about I just light her entire yard on fire and play dumb? That would do the trick.

  76. Loudlush says:

    1. Beckham – He’s a good looking, wealthy geezer. Dumb as a box of hammers, but what’s not to love?
    2. Cusak – Loved him (but not in THAT way) until I saw High Fidelity and now I just can’t go there. John, you know what you did.
    3. Blister in the Sun – NOW you’re talking, mon singe. There’s something just so… getting hot and heavy, fumbling in the back seat about the Femmes. See, even mentioning them has me eyeing off Mr Lush and thinking about grabbing a couple of coolers and finding a dark corner.

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