Fourteen is the Magic Number

Embrace By the numbers:

  • the average human farts 14 times a day. Me? 17 and yes I am counting.
  • one typically wipes four times after pooping.
  • 1/16 of an inch of snow is all it takes to cripple Seattle.
  • I have an eight inch personality.
  • I nibbled on a half gallon of Double Vanilla Dreyer’s ice cream.
  • We received roughly three inches of snow at our house.
  • I figured out what the term "virgin" meant in sixth grade.
  • I haven’t been in a pool in over four weeks, easily the longest stretch without a swim since May of 2004.
  • Four years: the amount of time I’ve been wearing my current glasses.
  • Two: how many days left until I replace them with hip spectacles.
  • 24: My most favorite show on tv.

Numbers are on my mind as Fox’s 24 starts a new season this Sunday and I couldn’t be happier.  It’s one of my most favorite tv shows.


Once again I had a sweet post idea slip through my keyboard.   It really sucks when you have a topic you think will be highly thought provoking and then you can’t remember it five minutes later.  Must have been something about cats, kids, or porn.  I can’t remember which one.


About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Flirting with Homosexuality, Raging Dork. Bookmark the permalink.

39 Responses to Fourteen is the Magic Number

  1. cindra says:

    Let’s just hope it wasn’t about cats, kids and porn all at once. If so, you can’t be my friend anymore!
    I don’t know how many inches of snow we got…enough to shut down the schools…

  2. egan says:

    Cindra – 12 inches of snow? The major school districts in Seattle are all closed. Good thing I’m at work fielding calls.

  3. Pants says:

    How does one measure their personality in inches?

  4. egan says:

    Pants – I think one can measure their personality in inches using a tape measure. It’s really quite simple if you ask me.

  5. Brooke says:

    I can’t wait for Jack to come back!

  6. egan says:

    Brooke – he’s almost back and so is the prison boy. Hurray!

  7. Amanda says:

    Oooh! I hope it was about porn and I hope that it comes back to you so you can post it later!! That would be awesome!
    We were supposed to get freezing rain & snow today, but now it won’t snow (supposedly) until Saturday night. We’ll see.

  8. Mr. Fabulous says:

    Please keep us posted as to the final fart tally…

  9. meno says:

    Is that 8 inches measured from the base?
    We got 3 inches.

  10. furiousball says:

    17? Day ain’t over yet.

  11. Pants says:

    Are we talking about weiner?

  12. ms. sizzle says:

    you’re right about the snow crippling. so many ice p*ssies. that’s my new term for them (ok, me).

  13. Diane Mandy says:

    I find it strange that I have never heard Max fart once and we just passed our year anniversary. Hmmm? PS. Your post about the engagement party turned intimate nuptial has inspired us to do the same with our friends (at some point in the future). Ssshhh. It’s s secret, you know.

  14. Buggss says:

    Only 17 ? You need to increase your rhubarb intake !

  15. farmgirl19 says:

    So, you have a great personality!

  16. Tall Chick says:

    17? Clearly you aren’t putting out any effort. Or is this your contribution to Global Cooling: less mathane output?
    Get back in that pool, Mister.
    Hmmm, I haven’t taken the swarm to the pool in months. It got too pricey. I’d better suck it up and go back next payday or something. 😛
    Should I rent a 24 DVD? I dunno if I want to get hooked. What will I do with MuNKi and BILLY if I fall in love with Jack? Nah. Bad idea.

  17. Tall Chick says:

    er – mEthane. I’m not retarded. I just type like I am.

  18. What about Battlestar Galactica?!?!

  19. egan says:

    Amanda – the topic still escapes me, but I think I have another one in the making.
    Mr. Fabulous – I think I’m around 13 or something. The counting thing can get tricky with some of them. How much “down time” is needed between them?
    Meno – you’re killing me. I love the double entendre.
    Furiousball – correct… but the 17 count was a guestimate. I have to check out your widget now that I’m home.
    Pants – very perceptive you are. Weiners are fun to talk about.
    Ms. Sizzle – “ice pussies” is a good term. It’s already much colder tonight than last night. Tomorrow’s drive could be much worse. The hills do complicate things.
    Diane Mandy – hey, please make sure he has testicles? All guys fart. I really hope he doesn’t runaway and fart and then come back like some closet smoker. That’s great about the secret wedding.
    Buggss – my wife says water makes me fart. Maybe it’s just air that makes me pass gas, but that’s not all that important. Let’s talk about trees instead.
    Farmgirl – yes, I am quite gregarious.
    Tall Chick – rent the first season and let me know what you think. Now if you don’t like excessive violence this show may not be for you. But I know you like 007 so you should really enjoy Jack’s escapades. There’s room to love all three. Methane is a killer alright.
    Tall Chick – please don’t use the word “retarded”. I’ve banned the word from my vocabulary. You simply fat fingered it.

  20. egan says:

    Snay – is Mr. Edward James Olmos in that show? I’m not a huge sci-fi fan. Is it alright? I didn’t ever watch it the first time around.

  21. mez says:

    ROFL, I don’t think I’ve ever counted my poop wipes. Perhaps I should! 🙂

  22. Megan says:

    I don’t think I wipe enough.

  23. egan says:

    Mez – if you didn’t count before, you will count now. There’s an entire post I could write on the technique.
    Megan – technique is everything.

  24. Janet says:

    I have to ask where you acquired this statistics. Do people really poll others on their farting and wiping habits?
    And I think I may need some clarification about what an “Eight-inch personality” entails.
    Happy New Years by the way!

  25. egan says:

    ChickyBabe – no, you aren’t 14. Remember that was a joke. I think you’re actually about 21, but I could be off by a bit.
    Janet – the only stat not fabricated here is the 14 times one passes gas. The rest are Egan Facts or shit I’ve pullled out of my ass. I’m horrible at citing sources. An eight inch personality means you drive very small cars. Happy New Years to you as well.

  26. tori says:

    I am about to go swim right now. I have had sick kids all week and haven’t made it, but now they are all in school (because it is Friday they decided to stop being sick I think).
    I hate when I am falling asleep and think of an awesome post, but then have totally forgotten what it is by the time I wake up! Maybe you will remember yours soon.

  27. egan says:

    Tori – how was the swim? What kind of swimmer are you? Meaning do you wear a snorkel while swimming or do you breath on both sides? You know the bilateral breathing types.
    I’m going to invent a tool where I can jot down all my wicked blog post ideas ahead of time and look them up later. I will be rich someday.

  28. Dan says:

    “Me? 17 and yes I am counting.”
    Well I’m sure as hell glad it’s YOU counting and not ME. 😉

  29. egan says:

    Dan – I carry a clicker like those monstrous gatekeepers at Costco.

  30. Amy says:

    This is a bit weird. Yesterday, I was trying to remember how old I was when I figured out what virgin meant. I was going to write about it in my blog but I changed my mind. I can’t remember how old I was (probably about 7 or 8 – just a wild guess). I do however know where I was when I figured it out. I was in church. I realized that the word vagina and virgin were somehow related. In the very next moment I realized that immaculate conception meant no sex, not really clean sex.

  31. egan says:

    Amy – hello and welcome to my blog. I see you’re much wiser than I was regarding the virgin thing. I didn’t hear the word until grade five.. or was it six?
    We need to have a chat about cell phones. There was a time when they were seen as status symbols, but that’s no longer the case since they’re much cheaper. We can table that discussion though.

  32. Amy says:

    Yes, cell phones used to be a status thing. But now lots of people have them because their regular phone company cut them off for not paying the bill.
    Anyway, I wanted you to know that the comment you left on my blog did not disappear. It just sat in my inbox waiting for comment moderation. It’s there now.

  33. Amy says:

    Oh, and I wrote about the virgin thing today.

  34. Good for Me says:

    Oh my, only one day until Jack is back. Personally, I am a huge fan of Chloe’s. She just cracks me up.
    Farts? Well, I won’t even go there. Having IBS and all.

  35. sprizee says:

    I’m sure his speech would have been better recieved had he placed a MISSION ACCOMPLISHED banner behind him.

  36. sprizee says:

    See how awesome I am? I didn’t even put my comment on the right post. Go me.

  37. The Grunt says:

    Man, your personality must use Durex XXL’s. That is impressive.

  38. egan says:

    Amy – thanks for the update on my comment. I added a couple more to your blog for fun. I see what you’re saying about cell phones. I must note they aren’t all that’s evil. It’s the people using them inconsiderately.
    Amy – yes, I saw the virgin thing. How funny. God loves you.
    Good for Me – Jack is back alright. The beard last for about five minutes tv time. What a pain that must have been.
    Sprizee – Mission not Accomplished. I feel you.
    Sprizee – Go you is right. I would like you to head up my new company. Let’s meet for coffee soon.
    The Grunt – yes. I’m the Durex spokesperson.

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