Parking Redemption

Truckwork1Yesterday I was in a fiestier mood than normal, just ask Mez.  I know, shocking as it may be.  Every work day I park in the infamous garage.  Wednesday I spotted this truck taking up two spaces.  A healthy well-adjusted "therapy free" human might just shrug it off and move on with their day. 

…okay, I just had to act out on this guy though.  He took up two parking spots in a rather cramped garage.  I mean really, there are parking spaces where one can park their behemoth trucks which don’t require one to straddle the solid white line.  He has better options than hogging two spaces.  I bet he doesn’t pay for two seats when he flies.  Do you suppose he asks people to step away if they invade his personal space?  I highly doubt it. 

  • Option 1: ignore
  • Option 2: throw eggs
  • Option 3: hide in the truck bed and jump out just before he gets in the cab
  • Option 4: blog about it
  • Option 5:


I have a large Penis!

I’m so mature.  I can’t help myself in these sorts of scenarios.  My right index finger just  wants to touch the metal.  I felt like I was under some spell, probably the same one which had me removing yellow ribbon magnets from cars.   We won’t talk about that though since I need to act mature seeing as I will be a parent soon enough.

I found the 4 door truck in the garage today and the owner had rubbed out my message and was parked in one space, not two.  I sure showed him.  …passive aggressives of the world, united and take over…!

Egan: 2  Jerks: 1


About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
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53 Responses to Parking Redemption

  1. sprizee says:

    As one passive aggressive to another, rinse, dirty and repeat.

  2. Leezer says:

    I love your magical thinking, Egan. I also love to write on cars, bathroom walls, and in library books (this usually involves finding an illustration of a person and drawing poop near him.) You’re hilarious!

  3. lord f says:

    i have a large penis, and find this spot of filthy car door graffiti to be not a prank against a two-spaced fucker, but rather a malicious hate crime. against those of us with mighty dicks.
    why, oh why, must you hate us with huge junk? it isn’t our fault. no sir, it is entirely genetic. and i for one, happily—and justifiedly so during my daily therapy sessions—lay the blame directly at the feet of my schlong-loving mother. damn you mother. for cursing me with this incredibly large wang.
    sharin my junk with the frostin-pussed mitten-wearin kittens,
    lord f

  4. Phil says:

    There was this old fella in Sydney who used to go around with chalk and write (in beautiful script) the word Eternity on sidewalks and walls.
    It was beautiful, haunting and endearing.
    I like your message better.

  5. kirk says:

    Try living around here where the big trucks to normal car ration is about 2:0.

  6. margaret says:

    sometimes the passive-aggressive response is the most apt

  7. Amber says:

    Oh My God!! That had me laughing so hard!
    The only thing that would have made that better is if you had said it was small. Besides, it’s probably closer to the truth; I’ve heard that men who buy big trucks are, err, “compensating.”
    Yay! for passive-aggressiveness!!

  8. ChrisTx says:

    What does it say when a woman drives a big truck (my mom loves her Dodge Ram, though it’s not a Hemi 🙂
    Owning a truck in Texas is like a right of passage, but I have to say, most people I know that own them are a little more considerate than the above offender…
    I drive a minivan myself, but that’s mostly to haul all the anime stuff I sell from show to show…
    btw, I think that whole thread made us all a little fiester than normal (though I love a good discussion myself 🙂

  9. Tall Chick says:

    So now that he knows you have a large penis, are you going to scribble the dimensions in next time?

  10. Brooke says:

    As Amber said, it should have been “small.” Better yet “I park like a pindick because I have a pindick.”
    Next time.

  11. churlita says:

    I think that’s setting a fine example. You and your kid can run around town tagging big cars with penis grafitti. It could be a real bonding ritual and double as a spelling lesson.

  12. egan says:

    Sprizee – it’s the Seattle thing to do. Attack!
    Katy – why are you calling me girl?
    Leezer – I only write on cars since it can be washed off easily. Toilet stalls, books, and buildings are off limits in my world. But let me tell you there’s some great stuff inside a typical men’s public bathroom shitter.
    Lord F – you’re right. It’s not fair that I single out the men with huge peckers and discriminate against them. I will change my actions next week.
    Phil – did this artist wear a white robe, have a beard, and go by the name Hay Zeus?
    Kirk – I wonder how often people actually haul cargo in their trucks.
    Margaret – yes, it’s fairly safe and you can laugh it off with some wacky explanation. I was a bit nervous taking the photo. I hope he doesn’t know how to use search engines.
    Amber – I thought about the small thing, but I decided against calling out the obvious. I am sure he really has a small penis so that’s why I used reverse psychology.

  13. kim says:

    I think this is great!!
    If he does it again, he deserves much worse! Imagine taking two parking spots…the nerve!!
    I once had a leftover penis straw, (you put it over the straw and sucked..yeah, it was a bachelor party, thank you very much;) and I put it on the guys antenna, (who thought he was soo cool with his truck and would peel out of our parking lot everyday)it took him a while to see it…and then when he asked us about it…i just replied..well you know what they say about guys who have big trucks…. (little tiny wee-wee’s:)
    so that’s passive aggressive huh? I’ve never had therapy (yet;)
    you are too funny egan:)

  14. kim says:

    egan?? are you still awake? did I just get a you ever sleep or just plan passive aggressive attacks on rude truck owners?? (can I plan too:)
    no seriously…what do ya think? penis or mouse?? we have plenty of girls opinions…but no men..(well other than the two frenchies in my life)
    You crack me up!

  15. darlene says:

    So, are you saying it was you who wrote on your car as well??? Does egan wish he were as dirty as his car? ;o)

  16. egan says:

    ChrisTX – a woman driving a large truck is either driving her husband’s small penis mobile or potentially still in the closet. There are other options, but let’s keep it nice and simple.
    Tall Chick – how does this truck guy know I have a large penis? He might know I’m dirty, but he knows nothing about my eight inch personality.
    Malnurtured Snay – shall we make out?
    Brooke – if I said “small penis” wouldn’t I be stating the obvious? I wanted this guy to think about his parking/unit. I have plans should it happen again. Jack Bauer.
    Churlita – I can only hope my offspring would be interested in this sort of spelling test. I almost misspelled penis on purpose.
    Kim – therapy is very overrated. Self-healing is the way to go this year. Oh yeah, those lovely penis straws associated with bachelorette parties. I see those things and go the opposite way. As a guy, bachelorette parties aren’t fun to witness in clubs. Just my two cents. Mon dieu mon café est froid.
    Kim – I sleep with one eye open and… and I’m a human RSS reader. The drawing looks like a penis, an uncut one.
    Darlene – hells no, I didn’t write on my car last week. That was my buddy Andy. I leave messages on his whiteboard often because I’m very cool. He’s a co-worker of my wife’s at the mermaid coffee company. I’m raunchy, so raunchy.

  17. sprizee says:

    Isn’t it past your bedtime?

  18. Cindra says:

    Egan, your wife is with child…yer gonna get beat up…now, do you really need more medical bills?

  19. egan says:

    Sprizee – hells no. I just finished watching The OC so how can it be past my bedtime. I’m all revved up.
    Cindra – laugh, laugh, laugh. It’s a joke. I know what you’re saying, but it’s not like I punctured the guys tires or anything. Okay, I have something for you Cindra. Click on this and just try not to laugh. Little Becky will have you in stitches.

  20. Buggss says:

    LMAO I like the way your mind(and finger) works !
    But seriously Egan – promise to use your powers only for good when bub arrives !

  21. ab says:

    So what if they do have a large penis(regardless of whether it’s at home)? – does that mean that it’d be ok to take up two spots, coz I have an inordinately large ass & I never realized that there were provisions made for those types of things…

  22. mez says:

    ROFL – love it.
    Man, I HATE those big truck driving arseholes! Like as if owning a huge, petrol guzzling vehicle like that in a big city isn’t bad enough but he had to take TWO spaces as well? grrr.
    boy do I like it when you get feisty!

  23. Amanda says:

    I can’t believe he didn’t wipe it off! Too funny. Vehicles that take up more than 1 space are very annoying.

  24. Tall Chick says:

    Oh you mean HE has a large penis.
    OK, I knew that.

  25. kayla says:

    I’ll call you the “Phantom Scribbler”
    You’ll need an appropriate costume which must include tights.
    And a cape..
    “To the parking garage and AWAY!”

  26. furiousBall says:

    touchdown! you win, go on…do your dance

  27. Chris says:

    I really needed a good laugh today and this was it! While the topic is somewhat serious and I too abhor those who take up multiple spots and even condone your response, the laugh is what did it for me today.

  28. Amy says:

    Ever consider opening a car wash? I see huge potential in your city.

  29. BV says:

    a) I seriously hope you didn’t remove yellow ribbon magnets from cars. I would be very upset if you did that.
    b) That’s funny. It’s funnier that you took a picture of it.

  30. First: That guy may have taken your message as a compliment.
    Second: Don’t people in Seattle wash their cars/trucks?

  31. CSL says:

    At first, I thought you were talking about the car’s owner, which may have the opposite effect on him. Better to write “I am a big dick.” (A small enough penalty for the offenses of driving an oversized vehicle and taking two spaces.)

  32. egan says:

    Buggss – when the wee one arrives I won’t corrupt the child. I don’t consider teaching the kid French corruption, some Americans might.
    Ab – hey, welcome to my blog. Having a large ass is one thing. Being a prick is another. We all would love to take up two parking spaces to protect our depreciating assets, but that’s not common courtesy. Thanks for the visit.
    Mez – I’m glad you like the fiesty side of me. It’s been rather prevelant recently. Some days I just want to egg passing motorists, yet I channel my anger into a visit to the pool instead.
    Amanda – he did rub it off. He hasn’t cleaned his car though.
    Tall Chick – I’m glad we’re in agreement here.
    Kayla – I will only don this costume if you play the Greatest American Hero theme song.
    Furiousball – Terrell Owens taught me very well. I got a Sharpie™ and all that good stuff.
    Chris – your approval and laughter validates my existence on this planet. Thank you kind sir. Please have a stellar weekend.
    Amy – you want to make some money? Open a car wash in Anchorage, Alaska. Talk about a town with dirty cars.
    BV – you’re going to hate me then because that’s exactly what I did. I haven’t done it in about two years. I was forced to attend an intervention.
    Undercover Celebrity – we do wash our cars, but keep in mind we just had a decent snowfall a couple weeks ago. This means sand and all that other crap is now on our cars. A compliment? I would hope he understands sarcasm.
    CSL – I’m not going to write something like that since he’s a co-worker of my wife’s. I just wanted to send a subtle, yet poignant message to ego maniac.

  33. BV says:

    Damnit…another person to hate. The day just isn’t long enough.

  34. egan says:

    BV – go ahead and hate me. We all act out in different ways. I learned from my actions and no longer do it. It’s a two dollar magnet with zero of the proceeds going towards military families.

  35. Pants says:

    This made my day.

  36. G says:

    You crack me up! Surely it was the best course of action although I was secretly pulling for you to hide in the truck bed.
    Thanks for scoring one for our side! I sort of wanted to remove the yellow ribbon from my neighbor’s truck but I thought I might be high on the suspect list.
    Have a good weekend.

  37. egan says:

    Pants – it is my goal to make your day seven days a week. It’s one of my resolutions for this year. Hold me!

  38. egan says:

    G – thanks for your approval. I got some flack for the yellow ribbon shit, but at the time it really pissed me off. September 11th happened and then all those annoying yellow ribbons popped up. Companies making them were making a profit off of the lives lost in the World Trade Center collapses. None of the money was going towards military families.
    Next time I will hide in the truck bed and jump around like a spaz. Wolverines!

  39. How about if I just promise to unite, but then do what I want anyway?

  40. Amanda says:

    Yellow ribbons are obnoxious, aren’t they? Now they seem to have one for every cause. They are almost as bad as vanity plates.

  41. Cake Lady says:

    You totally amuse me! What a great idea, and best of all – Congratulations. I am behind on my reading. I think you will make a great Dad!

  42. egan says:

    Reverend – how could I possible argue with your logic? You’re a reverend dammit. I pledge allegiance to you.
    Amanda – the yellow ribbons got so out of control and the point was lost. What are they really about? Someone is making money off that shit. (you’re okay, we do own a MINI Cooper but don’t have customized plates)
    Cake Lady – thanks for the nice words. I hope to amuse the child big time.

  43. L says:

    I’m digging your score board. So since he wiped out the dust banner reading that he has a large penis, is it safe to assume that he does not, in fact, have a large penis?

  44. ChickyBabe says:

    I see a habit forming here… and I like it!

  45. Pants says:

    Don’t make me sing Journey, ’cause I will.

  46. The Real Me says:

    I love your revenge tactics! I probably would have written something like “I’m an idiot and I don’t know how to park.”
    And let me say… even though I’m horribly late, congrats on the baby news.
    But…. you can kiss your freedom goodbye!

  47. egan says:

    L – yes, it means he’s guilty as charged. See there’s clearly a method to my tactic.
    ChickyBabe – are you swooning yet? I hope I’ve won you over.
    Pants – come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me. Shit I think that’s Air Supply and not Journey. My bad.
    The Real Me – you say the sweetest things. Freedom, who needs it?

  48. celeste says:

    Egan, I love it!! and the fact that you have photographic evidence is even sweeter 🙂

  49. egan says:

    Celeste – pictures make my job easier. I like succinct.

  50. The Grunt says:

    You are the best super hero ever!

  51. egan says:

    The Grunt – believe it or not, it’s just me.

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