Ponderous, Really Ponderous

Let’s stop beating around the bush.  When reading certain blogs you can just feel the animosity inside them.  The blog writers wonder why the hell they aren’t dating anyone, but really… it comes as no surprise to me.  Every other post is about how the opposite sex has wronged them in almost every way imaginable. 

Typically I read these blogs and try to offer some helpful tips, boost self-esteem, or offer an alternate approach on something.  I guess what really troubles me is some of these writers seldom truly reflect on themselves to make changes.  They don’t dive deep enough into their psyche and try and find out why.  It makes me wonder how often some bloggers interact with actual humans instead of those staring back at them via their computer monitors.  I love blogging and all its greatness, but there’s something to be said for actual human contact/interaction. 

If those are the intimate thoughts a blogger shares with Jane Doe reader, can you imagine what must be going through their head during an actual physical encounter?  I know the blogosphere is a nice relaxing place to dump your thoughts, observations, stories, pictures, etc.   At what point though do you leave it behind, pick up your chin, and approach people with more confidence? 

Does blogging have the ability to change a person’s personality or perceptions of the world?  Do I really think differently about Australians, Canadians, or teachers now that I’ve been interacting with them for about 30 months?  You better believe I do.  There’s so much to learn about other cultures, professions, and countries via their thoughts on this shared piece of internet real estate.

Change is good.  It can be a scary place to venture outside of one’s comfort zone, but there’s a whole world waiting to be discovered.  This is perhaps why I’m most anxious to be a parent.  Seeing the world through a child’s eyes will be incredible.  It’s similar to when you entertain out-of-town guests in your hometown.  It provides a unique opportunity to see the world in their eyes in your city. 

Heck, what was the point of this post again?  Oh, I think I’m simply trying to encourage people, myself included, to try new things.   Don’t dwell on issues (such as dating, jobs, weather) for too long; vent and move on.  By the way, I will be in my office should you need me. 

———————-

TODAY’S RULED OUT BABY NAMES: Brooklyn, Caden, Katelyn, Aidan, Nevaeh and Gaylord.

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About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Opinionated. Bookmark the permalink.

49 Responses to Ponderous, Really Ponderous

  1. sprizee says:

    How about naming your baby Regina even if its a boy.

  2. Leezer says:

    Egan:
    There is a blog that became very famous a few years back and the author now has book deals, etc. It’s a “sex and the city” type blog about dating, etc. The blog is/was so detailed and intimate about all the author’s personal thoughts, opinons, and experiences, I wondered whether the author actually lived a life worthy of writing about, or simply spent all her time blogging. Then I read a review of her book and blog in a womens magazine and the reviewer made the same observation: if you’re putting everything in your life on your blog and nothing is private, then aren’t you giving your life over, in a sense, to your readers?
    A very astute observation.
    I guess that’s why I like to blog about stupid funny stuff and leave the heavy, serious, weighty stuff to my real life.
    Good post, Egan.

  3. mez says:

    Yes, I’m one of those bitter and twisted people. I’ve learnt a lot about people (in general) from blogs though. I like the insight as to how men think (for instance). Sometimes it only serves to confirm the evil thoughts but mostly it’s a very cool thing.

  4. vera says:

    Sometimes people blog and share things they wouldn’t normally share with the rest of the world… Maybe the people have GOOD and BAD blogs… Maybe they are people who use a blog strictly for venting purposes. Maybe they use it to talk only about bad experiences. People blog for different reasons, I think… I have a few blogs and each are for a specific function for my own needs… I dunno, maybe people *are* just negative. I know that I have my share of VERY negative posts filled with complaining and whining and venting… There are also other posts filled with gleeful expressions and goodness abounding… The point is, blogs are here to allows us into other’s lives and for whatever reason they are blogging is really up to them. In reading them we can certainly learn things, I agree… Things like: “Well, I certainly do NOT want to have that kind of attitude” or “Wow, that made a lot of sense” or even just a “HAHAHA!” I think you have a good point when you say we do learn a lot about different people and their cultures through blogging… Thanks for the post, Egan.

  5. Chicky Pea says:

    I have so many different issues going on that I don’t have time to dwell on any one for too long.

  6. meno says:

    I know what you mean. I don’t read any of those blogs because they make my eyes itch. I don’t hang out with those people either. Nothing ever changes.
    An interesting book that any single woman who wonders why she is single should read is Self Made Man by Nora someone.
    It’s about a woman who passes herself off as a man in various situations. I liked the book because it wasn’t what i expected.
    Next time name names though! 🙂

  7. Rachel says:

    I really, really hope that my blog was not the inspiration for this post since you commented on my blog last night about my single status.
    I blog about things that some would consider private because for me it is cathartic. I write whatever comes to mind at that moment. Sometimes it is something to get off my chest, sometimes it is something that I feel guilty about or something that I am celebrating.
    Is it boring? Possibly. But I have learned more about myself blogging than I ever did in therapy.
    BTW ~ Love your blog Egan!

  8. egan says:

    Sprizee – how about we name the kid Mulva or Deloris instead?
    Leezer – yeah, there’s something to be said for good blogging. But there’s something else to be said for actually getting outside and interacting with the real world. I’m thankful everyone’s so willing to share, but for most of us blogging is simply an outlet.
    Mez – yeah, I can tell you get into the whole male way of thinking bit. I think that’s cool. You can tell I pretty much do the same thing with women. I have heaps of male friends in real life, but not so many female friends for obvious reasons.
    Vera – yes, these are all good points of yours. Of course I realize people blog for different reasons. Thanks for your feedback.
    Chicky Pea – hmmm, do you think you fully handle each issue before moving on though? Don’t take that the wrong way, I’m just inquisitive like that.
    Meno – I’ve personally had to remove some of those blogs from my blogrolls, bookmarks, favorites, etc. so I will stop reading about their train wrecks. It’s done me a lot of good too. That book does sound quite interesting. Ha, you really expect me to name names? You’re funny.
    Rachel – thanks for stopping by and welcome. Nope, your blog wasn’t one of them. They tend to be blogs I discovered a while ago that I peek in on from time to time in hopes things have improved. Blogging seems to be cathartic for most of us. I do see a few blogs where it seems to be a burden and wonder why they even bother.

  9. Janice says:

    I’m glad you ruled out all of those names. If I ever have a little girl, I’m going to name her Mary. She’ll probably be the only one in her school. Thank god my sisters gave their daughters normal names.
    Promise me you’ll blow up my blog if I ever become one of those bitter people. Animosity hurts my stomach.

  10. sprizee says:

    Ooh, Bovary! Bovary!

  11. egan says:

    Janice – you could probably name her Stephanie too and be safe. Mary is a good classic name. It hasn’t been rule out yet, but I don’t think it will make the cut. I will let you know if your blog is like that. I can tell you now you’re plenty safe.
    Sprizee – other names: Jalopian, Hérvicks, Mooch, Linticles, and Shoobies. They’re not going to make the cut.

  12. Chris says:

    More name you should reject:
    -Neitherfishnor
    -McGriff
    -Testicular
    -Hereford
    -Fester

  13. Phil says:

    It took me a while to realise that a blog post is only a snapshot of what a person was thinking at that particular moment. Usually unedited.
    I love finding the commonality between so many different people. It’s like that Jerry Seinfeld joke.
    What? You like lollies? I like lollies. We’re best friends!

  14. egan says:

    Chris – where on earth did you come up with these names? McGriff? I’m not naming a kid of mine after a Crime Dog or a baseball player on the brink of making it into the Hall of Fame.
    Phil – true, it’s only a snapshot. But if they’re posting the same story over and over about how they can’t find love… it morphs from a snapshot to a “story of my life” read. Phil, you and I both speak English and have eyes. You wanna hang out?

  15. Amanda says:

    Hmmm…I know of a blog like this (maybe possibly one of the same blogs you are thinking of?). I stopped reading because she made me start feeling bad that she was feeling bad. And the self-loathing wasn’t funny anymore. I check in on it occasionally, but it’s very rare anymore.
    I agree – blogs are great for venting – get it out of your system and go on to the next subject. But with every post to have something about how ugly, fat, unlovable, blah, blah, blah they think they are, it gets to be a downer. I’ve gotten to the point to where if I’m feeling “off” that I just don’t blog. I save that for my personal journaling. I don’t need or want everyone to know when I’m PMSing or whatever happens to be going on in my life that’s of a highly personal/emotional nature.

  16. tori says:

    What I think is interesting in real life and in blogs is when a person has the same issues with boyfriends/girlfriends repeatedly. At what point will that person question their part in creating the problem. Although it is always so much easier to see things clearly when you are detached from it. I find it hard to sort things out in my own life sometimes, which is why it is great to have friends who can tell me exactly what I might be doing to cause things. I do the same for them because when you are wrapped up in it, sometimes you can’t see what to do to get out, where everyone else in the world is saying “just do this” and it will all be fixed.
    Anyway, it is crazy how attached I get to my blogging “friends”, and how excited I am about your baby! (which is totally off topic today, but whatever) Since you haven’t really said, how is your wife feeling? Any morning sickness? Fruit juice popsicles right when I woke up in the morning helped me a lot when I was pregnant with the twins.

  17. egan says:

    Amanda – I think I know exactly which blog that is. She’s just non into loving herself as much as she should be. I too had to stop reading because it made me want to pull my eyes out. When she has a bad day she takes it out on everyone she encounters during her day. It was too much. The body image stuff was most disappointing.

  18. Burr-ee-toe says:

    Ooh ooh… how about McGruff? You know, like the crime fighting dog? Thoughts? I like using my blog to tell people the weird things about me! I like finding others who are just as nutty as I am.

  19. Gawpo says:

    Interesting observations, Egan. I guess there is a difference between a person posting a take on their current situation and putting a bit of a philosophical spin on that take, and just flat out making definitive accusations that, from their perspective anyway, just sums it all up. The former begs a question; the latter smugly denounces the cause for a dysphoric effect. Now that you mention it, the more irksome “hot” blogs are full of presumption. Blog on, Brother!

  20. Gawpo says:

    Gaylord I can see being ruled out. But what’s wrong with Aidan? Guess you’d have to have some Irish in you to appreciate that name….

  21. egan says:

    Tori – you nailed it. When does the person step away from their blog and look within themselves? “shit, maybe it is me that’s part of the problem.” I used to love this radio dj, Tom Leykis, and then I just got sick of his same old bad mouthing crap. One day a week he was picking on single moms, another it would his ex-wives, and on and on.
    Blogging sure does create this space where you feel a connection. It brings a grin to my face to think how excited you are about this. We’ve never met and you’re all worked up. Now that’s what’s fantastic about blogging. My wife is doing okay. We’re in week 13 right now. General aches and pains, intense appetite, and a wicked potty mouth. I love the potty mouth bit.
    Burr-ee-toe – I’m with you there. That’s what I found so arousing about blogging initially. How much complete strangers would be willing to share with others. Of course you have to filter out fact and fiction, but it’s very fun. You’re nutty?
    Gawpo – yeah, there are blogs I just couldn’t take anymore. Blogs I told myself I would never swear off. I look at them now and wonder if the writer has always been that angry or what. Thankfully blogging gives them a way to express themselves.
    Gawpo – heck, have you heard of Egan before? Egan is a bit Irish. We actually like the Irish names. There’s nothing wrong with Aidan, except that one in every 8 boys is named Aidan. Plus Aidan Quinn is a horrible actor. Watch Legends of the Fall and just try to convince me that guy can act. I dare you. (be warned I do a mean Aidan Quinn imitation)

  22. Amy says:

    You are right, it is all within the person.
    I always know when a relationship is around the corner. When I’m in a really “good place”, a relationship just presents it’s self. ALWAYS!
    I’ve been having a bit of a bad spell for some time. Just over a year ago, I was in a relationship that ended because the guy was in a “bad place” (the middle of a divorce). I thought he had enough time to recover, he had been separated for two years, appeared happy, and I was not the first girl he dated during his separation. I was wrong, he was SO NOT READY. When his divorce proceedings began, our relationship became to much for him. When he got the court papers he completely shut me out of his life. Anyway, I was more heart broken over him than I had ever been over anyone before. Shortly after the breakup, it seemed that everything started to go wrong in my life; health, finances you name it. This year was the worst year of my life. All this other stuff sure didn’t make it any easier for me to move on. But enough of my pity party, I’m just trying to make a point.
    You wouldn’t believe how many people have told me that I just need a good man to help me move on. That is the worst advice anyone could ever give. Sadly, I think a lot of people really believe this. The idea that we “need” a relationship to “fix” us, or “complete” us, or to “make us happy” is the reason so many relationships fail.
    I’ve been working really hard to get back to where I was. I’m almost there. I’m happy again and my health is improving. My cheque book could be happier, but even that’s making progress. For a whole year I haven’t even entertained the idea of a relationship. Sure, I joke about not gettin’ any all the time, but that’s all it is, joking around.
    If everyone just waited until they were in a “good place” before they dated, there would be a lot more successful relationships, and the world might just be a better place. Finding the right person isn’t a race. We need to take time to work on ourselves. It isn’t possible to find happiness in a relationship if we enter it before we are ready, or for the wrong reasons.

  23. Candy says:

    Egan, congratulations! Sorry I haven’t been exactly up to date on your blog. I’m so happy for you and your wife. Best wishes for you both!
    Sorry I don’t have anything more intelligent to say right now, but it does appear that there’s already been healthy discussion on today’s topic.

  24. Amanda says:

    Yup, that’s the one.
    You always bring up really good topics along with your general blogging fodder.
    Nevaeh…I actually have an attachment to that name.

  25. Buggss says:

    Dating I don’t do – Him Indoors would have coniptions! My obsession at the moment is the veggie patch feeding the starving hordes of the whole street and maybe starting homeschooling for Master Feral 10.Miss Feral 19 could bore you to tears with her obsession over her boyfriend,but we won’t inflict that on you.yet.
    Miss Feral 17 we keep away from the pc,she scares everyone;)

  26. Eunice says:

    I’m with you Egan. I am reading one of Greg Behrendt’s books right now (It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken – even though my last real breakup was almost four years ago.) and it’s hi-larious. Mostly because it illustrates the fact that people don’t ever use breakups as a pause for some self-reflection and growth.

  27. Kerry says:

    Very good! I tend to steer clear of people who gritch too much. Once in a while is all good, but to be a downer all the time is, well…. a downer!

  28. L says:

    I’m all about trying new things. I kind of don’t have a choice since I altered my life path by, oh, leaving my husband. It hasn’t been all good in that it’s been easy, but it’s all been good in that I’ve learned a lot about myself, testing my boundaries, pushing my comfort zone and most importantly, proving my mettle to myself.

  29. Leezer says:

    Egan:
    I liked Janice’s comment way up there. The one about naming her kid Mary. We thought our daughter was going to be a boy and had decided on the name John because no one has been named John for, like 35 years. Food for thought.

  30. The Grunt says:

    Blogger life is no substitute for a real life. I never intended to meet anyone from blogging, but I have. I’ve finally met one of my readers in person and that was 100 times better than just blogger interaction.

  31. Sally says:

    Eunice, I finished “reading” that book about a month ago via the library audiobooks section. I enjoyed it as well, had a few chuckles and it helped with the ol’ reflection bit on my failed marriage. In fact, I wished it came about a year and a half earlier b/c it had some good advice that I basically no longer needed and pointed out too many things I learned the HARD way. Oh, well, c’est la vie.

  32. Quest Girl says:

    true…when u read about someone going thru a bad patch, you want to help out by giving a boost to that person…then, when u see such posts regularly, u wonder if the person is actually enjoying cribbing.

  33. Gawpo says:

    Preaching to the choir on Aidan Quinn. Yuk. Right on. I agree. One in 8 is an Aidan? Didn’t know that. Scrap it. I figured Egan meant you were at least 89.6% Irish. Am I close? Anger is a bent crying. I have healthier ways to release (they are called tears), but I do get angry when it’s (hopefully) appropriate.

  34. Mone says:

    well if the crying game is temporarly its o.k., but if there is no end in sigth I would give up.
    PS:You ruled Katelyn out, how about Kayleen? I’m not sure if you spell it that way…

  35. Phil says:

    True, there’s a fine line between self depreciating and self loathing.
    I suppose the dividing line is do you write so you can be heard or do you write so you can speak.

  36. Chris says:

    Okay, no more jokey names…here are some not to consider that are real:
    Bastion
    Esmerelda
    Xavier
    Yasmeen
    Juniper
    Shanequa
    Marvin

  37. Curare_z says:

    I have always wondered about that. I mean, to hear tell of it, these negative people have the WORST lives in the world. I just can’t believe that. I’ve always been a pretty upbeat person myself…and I try to keep those around me upbeat because life really doesn’t suck that much!
    P.S. I’m surprised it took you this long to rule out Gaylord.

  38. furiousball says:

    I don’t blog much about work which is 70% of my day. So all I really have left to blog about is my kids, wife, farting on all of them (at times), making music, and being a gigantic geek. The truth is real life stuff is more interesting, especially when my work day is comprised of meetings and code and real passive aggressive, pragmatic phrases like “we’re having some confusion issues on our part”, “we’ll need to take a look at this from the top down to see where the communication brokedown.”
    I miss the days when people took responsibility for screwing stuff up…wait, what was my comment about?

  39. ubermilf says:

    It’s hard to change. And scary.
    It’s also hard, and scary, to change sheets in the middle of the night because your 6-year-old puked without waking, rolled around in it awhile, then awoke 2 hrs later to puke again.
    Welcome to parenthood!
    Names to consider: Tonka, Fiona, Percy, Canneloni

  40. sprizee says:

    If you name your kid Xavier, you owe them a tattoo on their ass Cabbage Patch style.

  41. snavy says:

    What a coincidence … I actually did try something new to blog about.
    Seeing things through a child’s eyes is truly amazing. It’s like you get to see things for the first time all over again.

  42. egan says:

    Amy – that whole “need a good man/woman” thing is lame. Nobody needs another person. If you’re not happy with yourself, then another person isn’t going to improve things. There’s nothing wrong with being single, nothing. That being said I’m glad you feel you’re turning things around at your own pace. Keep it up.
    Candy – thanks. I hope things are going well for you at college.
    Amanda – you do have an attachment to that name? Is it a spiritual attachment? Yep, she went downhill if you ask me. The racial slurs were too much for me and nobody (except me) seemed to call her out.
    Buggss – Miss Feral 19 sounds intriguing. She might have something in common with my niece.
    Eunice – I know what you mean. I have friends that go from one relationship to the next without any time for reflection. There’s nothing wrong with some downtime and singlehood. Being single definitely has its privileges. I’ll have to look this book up since Sally swears by it too.
    Kerry – I couldn’t agree more. We all have crap that bothers, but post after post of the same whining wears on you.
    L – I’m sure it hasn’t been easy. In the worst of it you probably never thought you’d be where you are today. It’s good to know you “rebounded” after the divorce. Yah!
    Leezer – I understand where you’re going with that. I’m still shooting for something a little more unique than John, but I feel you. I think the girl’s name will be more classic. Actually I know the name we’ll use, but I’m not spilling the beans just yet.
    The Grunt – fantastic man. This is good news. I’ve met about 8-10 bloggers in real life and enjoyed all but one. Of course I won’t name names. (That person doesn’t read blog anymore thankfully).
    Sally – now you and Eunice have me curious about this book.
    Quest Girl – hey, welcome to my blog. That’s exactly the point I’m making and I’m glad you’ve seen it too. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
    Gawpo – I’m like 1/64 Irish I think which is significantly less than 89.6%. I eat Lucky Charms, does that make me more Irish?
    Mone – ha, interesting you would ask this. My girlfriend’s name in college was very close to your second option. I think we’ll steer clear of those for obvious reasons. She’s a nice lady, but names close to ex’s may not be a good idea.
    Phil – I’m not even sure what the dividing line is. That’s a tough thing to pinpoint. I guess for me it comes down to who the hell haven’t you ridiculed? Most of the writers that pop in mind head like this can’t even stand themselves and it’s quite tragic.
    Chris – those aren’t jokey names? I’m not using any of those no matter what. Marvin is the only one worth considering, if my child is green.
    Curare_Z – I think I fall in the same camp as you. Sure I can be negative about some stuff, but I try my best to remain upbeat. Life’s too short to dwell on things for too long. Gaylord is plain wacky. I’m not sure how that ever became a name.
    Furiousball – oh man, you nailed it there. I would love love love to blog about work openly because there’s so much material. I do value my quality of life though so I won’t push it. Corporate Speak is golden… there are so many weird expressions. Company meetings are great for corporate speak.
    Ubermilf – I’m quite glad my wife doesn’t have time to read this blog. You see she has an aversion to puke which means Mr. Egan gets to clean up said messes. I can’t wait. I have a feeling she will lose her aversion, yet I know it will most likely become something I handle. Parenthood, a tremendous movie.
    Sprizee – Xavier will never be in the running, never. Remember the X-Man on the Sonics?
    Snavy – yep, it will a refreshing take on the world.

  43. Amanda says:

    No, not really a spiritual attachment. My youngest niece was named Nevaeh(she is no longer with us – I won’t go into that sad story).
    I’m glad you called her out on the slurs – I admit that I didn’t. So instead I became and ostrich and stuck my head in the sand by just not reading her stuff.

  44. churlita says:

    I would love to go outside, but it’s below zero with the windchill and my face would freeze off. I also have the stomach flu. Maybe most bloggers live in the Midwest where you can’t do much else in the winter.
    Actually, I’m pretty happy in general, but my parents didn’t name me Gaylord either, so I have a lot to be happy about.

  45. egan says:

    Amanda – that’s sweet of you; regarding your niece. It’s kind of like how I want to use my brother’s name. I like that. Since I’m not a Christian I can’t fathom using it, but as I tribute I think it’s great.
    I still check in on that site from time to time and absolutely nothing has changed. She’s got a bunch of devoted readers than never ever call her on her shit. It’s really too bad because she’s nice. We used to chat on the phone, but I can’t stomach her moods and intolerance. Oh well.

  46. egan says:

    Churlita – you’re silly. I know the weather has been cold in your neck of the woods. I’m not simply talking about right now. You can tell by reading blogs how often they get out. You’re all good. Hell you run more than any human I know, if you’re telling the truth.

  47. Burr-ee-toe says:

    Yup, I’m nutty for sure. I hope you aren’t allergic. Haha… did I really just write that? Cheeeeeseball

  48. CSL says:

    I don’t mind sadness or anger or very personal things on a blog, but if the writer is consistently bitter, I usually wander away pretty quickly. And I like some variability in the topic, although if something really huge is going on (a baby on the way, perhaps?) that may predominate for a bit. That’s cool with me.

  49. Party Girl says:

    The blogs that I can read day after day after day…yet, are all about the same thing and never really offer any kind of insight into the person as a person or never show any growth…yawn. Talk about boring.
    I hope I’m not like that and that on any given day a person can be surprised by what’s in my brain.
    For myself, I can say that I personally have truly grown from when I first started my blog. I am no longer the same person. Blogging has allowed me to share things I didn’t have the courage to share with others. Blogging has allowed me to have an uninterrupted dialouge. Meaning, I can say how I am feeling and thoughts I am having without another person trying to interject what they are thinking and feeling therefore cutting me off in mid-sentence.
    In many ways blogging has allowed me to see that there are so many others out there like me, who have had the same experience and because it is secretive it also allows for a more open communication that others might not feel comfortable with in person. As a result of this sharing in blogdom I have been able to share those same feelings with others in my daily (real) life. The freedom of the blog has allowed me freedom in the world. Blogging…honest blogging, truly honest, is a powerful thing.

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