Who says sex sells? Wait, everyone knows sex sells. America is full of prudes? In case you’ve been living under a rock (or just not in Seattle) there’s a titilating new way one can sell
sex coffee in our fair city. The talented Candace first brought this to my attention about a month ago. Awesome, now the news has gone national as it was featured on ABC’s Nightline program Wednesday night. You can read this article to get all the newsy details or you can read my slant on this.
I’m sure most of you are well aware Seattle has an intravenous caffeine drip. There are tons of coffee stands throughout the greater Seattle metropolitan area. Drive-thru espresso stands are very popular, meaning you don’t usually drive more than half a mile before your next fix. In an effort to entice more customers, some of the stands are now serving “sexpresso”. Yep, the baristas are younger curvaceous women wearing very little clothing. It’s a novel concept and seems to be working. Thankfully there are many other drive-thru espresso stands ripping off this idea. Oh hey, remember when McDonald’s got sued for the hot coffee thing?
Anyways, I’m not one to miss out on a great opportunity. Are men the only customers who happen to buy coffee drinks at those naughty drive-thru espresso stands? What about the women customers? Are they expected to ogle the bosoms of the baristas or will there be men in the mix? [Light bulb goes off]
Get out the g-string Egan! I love my g-string/Speedo collection; check. I love making coffee; check. I love meeting new people; check. I love making tips; check. I plan to open my own brand of sexpresso shops catering to the female coffee patrons and men that like to stare at other men. Finally, I’ve waited 33 years to find my business calling and now it’s crystal clear. Thanks scantilly clad female baristas for showing me your
beaver brevé. The recent publicity will only help me get established and should totally discourage thieves and perverts from frequenting my own sexpresso stand. I need a name for my new endeavor, Hold the White Stuff. Perfect. I look forward to any clients you can send my way. The future Baby Singe thanks you too.
Would a woman really want one of these teddy bears as a Valentine’s Day present? Vermont Teddy Bear wants us to believe women desire them. Guess what? Their late night tv ad I just watched is also using sex to sell the bears. We’re not prudes. A very busty woman receives her teddy bear at her cubicle and a couple women get jealous of the teddy bear. They begin to talk about the teddy bear like it’s an Eight Inch Personality. “Oh, can I kiss it?”. I’m not a teddy bear hater by any stretch, but would a woman really appreciate a teddy bear from a man out of his teens? This is why I love Valentine’s Day.
TODAY’S RULED OUT BABY NAMES: Mike, Nutella, Oswald, Prussia, Qualude, and Reggie.