The Tent Whisperer

Amour. This is what Valentine’s Day is all about right? Love. Most importantly I love my wife. She’s a fantastic person and has embraced the oddness that is me for eight point five years. From the night we met in July of 1998, to now, she remains the same wonderful person. She’s easy on the eyes, witty, knows how to make me laugh, is a loyal friend, easy to talk to, hardworker, and… and….

…I have a story to tell about her, but it’s rather embarrassing so I’m going to share. People love to ask, "how did you know she was The One?" I had a few good indications the very night we met in the tiny dance club. Sure we had some marvelous late night conversations after we met. Yeah, we rode in the same car from Chicago to Seattle (2100 miles) and genuinely never got bored or annoyed with each other…

However, it’s beneficial to leave town to see someone out of their element. This meant we would go camping about two hours west of Seattle near the famous Dungeness Spit.  I’m a car camping kind of guy. I prefer it since it means we don’t have to think about packing light. Just grab a bunch of crap and hit the road. (of course that’s not what really happens. I fart around for about two hours, make three pitstops within the city limits, and then finally reach 60 mph) At the campground we have a few beers, set up our tent, roast some marshmallows and enjoy our scenic view looking north across the water to Vancouver Island.

The night winds down and we cozy up in our gray two person Kelty tent to stay warm. I’m sure a kiss or two was exchanged which had both of us nice and relaxed. Maybe someone relaxes too much. You know, relaxing in a tent in the middle of a campground is nice and all. We were lying on our backs enjoying the moment. Again, maybe someone was enjoying the moment more than they should have. [pfffttt]

"Excuse me? Was that for real?" I quizzed.

Through the glare of the flashlight I could see a sheepish grin on my wife’s face. Apparently she couldn’t hold it any longer and the lying on her back forced a loud burst of flatulence. I about died, not from the fumes, but from how loud it was and how embarrassed she was. No pun intended, butt it was a wonderful tension reliever. Not to be outdone — about ten seconds later, I returned the favor. I think mine was louder and probably woke some nearby campers.

Yeah, the ice was broken and the floodgates burst open. Her reaction to this event still has me grinning as I type this post. She cracks me up. I know this sounds quite juvenile to bond over, but it was more than that. We had the greatest time that weekend and our budding relationship intensified even more. To this very day, she can hear me grinning. I haven’t a clue how she does it, somehow though… she can hear me grinning. Mrs. Lessinges, I don’t think I’ve stopped grinning, or farting, since the night you asked me to dance in 1998. There are so many great things ahead for us this year and the rest of our lives. You’re the greatest!

———-
TODAY’S RULED OUT BABY NAMES: Elko, Noksu, Peter, Jumoke, Walid, and Ortho.

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About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Bathroom Humor, Mrs. Lessinges Approved. Bookmark the permalink.

62 Responses to The Tent Whisperer

  1. mez says:

    call me crazy, but I just love that! 😉

  2. Mone says:

    Oh shit, I never went to Dungeness Spit and it looks sooo beautiful over there. I missed something here!
    Happy Valentines Day, Sweetie ♥♥♥

  3. Amanda says:

    That is a great story!! I am so glad to hear that it was farting which made you realize she was the one. And I’m being serious.
    Happy Cupid Day.

  4. furiousball says:

    YES! someone else blogged about farting!
    That is one of the truest expressions of love. I mean how much more relaxed can you get than to rip a righteous one in the presence of another?

  5. Tall Chick says:

    Ah, the honesty that is true love. So touching. ^_^
    Have you considered the name “Flatulencia” should it be a girl? It would be such a beautiful homage to your confirmation of true love. ^_^

  6. Amy says:

    Yes, the first fart is a pivotal milestone in any relationship. So much rides on how couples handle that first fart. If that goes well, you can now pee in front of the other person too.

  7. logo™ says:

    I love this story!
    Brilliant
    Good job on picking the right one and the continuing work on being the right one.
    You guys are awesome, very sweet.
    Mwah! Happy Wednesday

  8. meno says:

    That is so romantic. I’m all choked up.
    The laughing is what it’s all about.

  9. ms. sizzle says:

    i love that story! ha ha.

  10. *pixie* says:

    How sweet. It’s nice to know there are women out there who think it’s funny to fart in front of thier mates. Nothing says love like a dutch oven.

  11. Tinabellina says:

    Awwww! Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. & Mrs. Lessinges!

  12. Holly Capote says:

    I came over here from Meno’s place. I’m willing to be a fan of anyone who’s a fan of Meno. I can’t attribute this quote, as it’s attributed to 43.2 people, but I love it:
    “Woman is a temple built over a sewer.”
    And that’s true, not just of women, but fellas too. That our naughty bits and our exhaust pipes are the same makes us chronically comical. For men and women, waste and life flow through the same tubes. So, anyone who can laugh at our cockeyed plumbing is worth an “I do.”
    I didn’t just blog about farts. I wrote a book about farting. It’s the big bang of farting, the mightiest wind.

  13. sprizee says:

    So sweet. Now run over to Burnt Sugar and buy that girl a David Aubrey necklace stat.

  14. Pants says:

    Very cute.
    I’ve always found the ability to pass gas in front of a significant other a true test of love.

  15. Churlita says:

    I don’t think I could marry someone who didn’t think farts were funny. If it weren’t for scattalogical humor, I might not have any humor at all. Perfect Valentine’s Day post.

  16. Maria says:

    That story is hilarious!
    I bet you were relieved she tooted so that you could “relieve” yourself as well without her thinking gross thoughts about it!

  17. egan says:

    Crazy – I’m glad you liked it. This kind of goes hand in hand with our discussion on Phil’s blog.
    Mone – it’s a magnificent place. It takes a couple hours to hike to the end of the five mile long spit. It’s well worth it if you ask me. I need to scan some pictures from some of my visits. Happy V-Day to you too.
    Amanda – there were a many signs before this, but this one pretty much sealed the deal. About eight months later I would propose to her in front of her parents.
    Furiousball – believe it or not, I fart too. Just ask my wife, she’ll confirm this.
    Tall Chick – funny you should mention this. We do joke about calling baby singe Flatulence Fo. You’re not too far off.
    Amy – ha, I agree the first fart is pivotal. I don’t agree that it opens the door to sharing the bathroom though. For the record, I’ve never seen my wife taking a dump or peeing. We don’t cross that line and never will.
    Logo™ – thank you. I think I got pretty lucky and met a rather cool woman. Hey, I hear they caught those two teenage criminals in your hood. What a messed up thing those two were doing.
    Meno – the laughing (and farting) is what it’s all about. Being yourself in front of your spouse/signficant other is key.
    Ms. Sizzle – thank you. It’s one I will never forget. The summer of 1999 was a fun one.

  18. L says:

    I love the fart bonding! That Mrs. Les Singes is once cool monkey-lita. Sharing humor and being able to laugh at yourself is so, so important. For me, it makes the other person that more endearing and attractive. I love it when someone is able to look at a situation and find something, no matter how small, to laugh at. Have you heard that old OIngo Boingo song “Only Makes Me Laugh”?

  19. egan says:

    *pixie* – love knows no boundaries like a Dutch Oven. There’s too much too laugh about when it comes to farting. Sure it can seem immature, but I figure we might as well embrace our bodily functions. This doesn’t mean I will be farting in the CEO’s office today.
    Tina – thanks, happy valentine’s day to you. I hope your telecommuting is productive. Think about this time next year. Think about how different our lives will be.
    Holly Capote – hello and welcome to my blog! Hey, did you really write a book about farting? I own a book calling, Wind Breaks. It all about farting and makes me laugh. Thanks for chiming in. I will look up your book.
    Sprizee – I got N-PO some tulips, chocolate cover “love” fortune cookies, and a card. We’ll go out for a nice dinner on Friday too. I’m so romantic it makes me sick.
    Pants – I knew you’d endorse this post.
    Churlita – you can say that again. You have to laugh at that stuff or else you end up taking yourself too seriously. Thanks for the praise.
    Maria – I didn’t really think I had to toot, but I felt like I had to share so she wouldn’t feel so bad. So naturally I pushed and there was something there. I’ve pushed too hard before, if you know what I mean. We won’t share that story though, not today at least.

  20. egan says:

    L – I haven’t heard that song. Do I need to hear this song? Does it come with a smell track? Yes, farting is a good way to relieve pressure and an even better way to unwind by not taking oneself too seriously. I read some blog where the woman claimed her boyfriend had never farted in front of her. That to me is so wrong. You know he has to fart. I sure as hell hope he isn’t dismissing himself each time.

  21. Hypersonic says:

    Ahh. How sweet. Love amongst the raspberries.

  22. egan says:

    Hypersonic – yes, amongst the raspberries is right. Huh, what the hell does that expression mean anyways? Amongst the raspberries? Is that a British saying? Who says farting can’t be romantic?

  23. tori says:

    Such a sweet story. I love it!

  24. egan says:

    Tori – thanks, it’s an odd one to share, but I think it’s a good one. I made her read it this morning before work. All she had to read was the title and she knew exactly what I had blogged about.

  25. Leezer says:

    Ahh, true love… the dancing .. the camping … the toots!
    I love your story. To this day, my husband will NOT pass gas in front of me nor will he let me. I save it all up for my daughter and let it rip. It’s a bonding experience for mother and daughter.
    I love your post, Egan. You truly met your soul mate! Happy Valentine’s Day!
    Leezer

  26. egan says:

    Leezer – are you serious about your husband? I have a Fart Machine II with your name all over it. Why won’t he fart (or worse off, allow you) in front of others? That seems so bizarre. It is deemed uncool and immature? I did meet a really special lady. Now she’s carrying our child.

  27. Leezer says:

    Egan:
    I asked him this very question. He says he wants me to be the very picture of femine beauty, and this just screws it up for him. (He’s really just joking). He also won’t go potty in front of me but I once walked in on him on the pot and when he came out, he said (in a sort of overly-dramatic way) “will you ever be able to see me as a man, again?”
    What is a Fart Machine II, and what, pray tell, wast the Fart Machine I?

  28. Amanda says:

    Have you ever farted in front of her parents?? Now that’s love.
    I’m personally not a fan of people making a habit of farting around me, but again, this is directly related to the fact that I grew up with three brothers. I also freak out when people come out of the bathroom yelling “Hey! Come look at this!!”

  29. kayla says:

    Haha! You tickle me with the fart story. How nice of you to reciprocate…
    You have such a sweet love story there..I wish you two the very best!
    (and soon to be three)
    Happy V Day!

  30. Good for Me says:

    What a great post. I love that you shared this. The farting part — which is the crux of your story — is hysterical. For someone who didn’t get it right the first time, and lived in an unhealthy relationship for far too long, it’s inspiring and encouraging for me to read your story of love…and of farts. Sounds like you both got it right 🙂

  31. ubermilf says:

    My sister’s in the hospital. UberElder has viral pneumonia, UberYounger has an ear infection and a sore throat. My eyes are oozing and my throat hurts. my mother in law is coming over for dinner and my living room is a makeshift hospital room for Elder, the dining room still has the lunch dishes/valentine wrappers on it, there are dirty dishes in the sink and the dishwasher is full of clean ones.
    I just wanted some pity.

  32. cindra says:

    That’s a great story…happy happy to you two!
    Can you imagine the toots that baby is gonna blow around your place? PEE YEW!

  33. JessR says:

    Egan, you and your wife are my new favorite couple. And farting publicly? It’s one of my old criteria for finding a proper mate.
    Now, I am strictly speaking of the farting sound; the smell is another entity altogether. I have yet to come to terms with that facet of the fart.

  34. Burr-ee-toe says:

    I’ve ALWAYS been sheepish about farting. Burping, however, is completely different. I let one out so bad the other day that my boyfriend had to lower the windows immediately. hahahaha

  35. Phil says:

    Now that’s the most romantic post I’ve read all Valentine’s day.
    Yay to Mrs Lesinges and her tent toot!

  36. Holly Capote says:

    Egan, the book’s title is “It All Began With a Bean” and it answers a question posed by a second grader: “What would happen if everyone in the world farted at once?”
    And thanks for the welcome. I like it here.

  37. darlene says:

    ahahahah what a GREAT story! You know a person is a keeper when you can fart in front of them! Romance at it’s finest….You two have a wonderful Valentine’s Day.

  38. egan says:

    Leezer – I’m very glad you asked him about the farting. I think we need to break down that wall. If you fart in front of him, we’ll wait to find out the sex of our child. Better yet, we’ll name it Leezer no matter what sex the baby is. Fart Machine II is a basically a speaker that can be triggered with a remote. Go here to find more information. Okay, to clarify something. My wife and I do NOT pee or shit in front of one another. That’s sacred ground. You cross that and you’re ruining the romance… sibling type stuff.
    Amanda – you’re brothers have scarred you for life. Farting isn’t for everyone. Take for example today when I went home. The electrician ripped ass a few times. Now that’s when it’s just wrong, but I caught him waving his hand around to fan the air and giggled inside.
    Kayla – who thought farting could be so endearing? I’m always looking out for others, even if it means farting.
    Good for Me – gee thanks. I really appreciate your sentiments. These are bodily functions we can’t really control so why not embrace them? That’s my thought.
    Ubie – do you feel better now? Talk to Dr. Egan, he’ll make it all better. Can he make you some cupcakes?
    Cindra – yes, I can imagine and it’s not going to be pretty. I’m going to mix Beano into baby singe’s meals.
    Jess R – so you like us more than Brad & Angelina? We’re honored. I’ve been developing odorless farts for some time now. I will keep the world posted. If they can make dander free kitties, I can devise a SBD Human.
    Burr-ee-toe – see burping is much easier to control if you ask me and typically doesn’t smell as bad. My wife can rip some good belches though. Don’t challenge her.
    Phil – why thank you sir. It’s not all about chocolate and stuff now is it? Ripping ass creates laughter and laughter is what keeps us humble… or so I’ve been told. (Phil, I have no fucking clue what I’m typing)
    Holly Capote – huh, this is very interesting. Hey, do you have a blog Holly? I tried to find it, but no dice. Please come back and visit as often as you like. I’m like Joe Pesci with my comments.

  39. egan says:

    Darlene – were you half kidding with that? I think there’s honestly something to be said for it. Now don’t get me wrong, she doesn’t enjoy it all the time (such as in the kitchen or bedroom), but it’s all good. I can respect that.

  40. Diane Mandy says:

    Witty as always! Happy Valentine’s Day to you and the Mrs.

  41. Jennifer says:

    A pivotal moment, indeed. I’m glad to see you both passed with flying colors.
    Pun intended.
    Ha.
    On another note, so glad you ruled out Jumoke. The only Jumoke I ever knew* was a real bone head, so that name would never do.
    *disclaimer here.

  42. Holly Capote says:

    I don’t have a blog. I write for a living, so at the end of day, I don’t want to write anymore…just read other folks’ words. You are a chirpy fellow and I like that. I think some bloggers think it’s uncool to respond and being cool is rarely fun.

  43. egan says:

    Diane Mandy – I need to pay your blog a visit. I hope Max is doing well and that each of you are having a good night. Enjoy the rest of your week.
    Jennifer – I love your pun. All the Jumokes I know pass gas unapologetically. They’re real assholes. Watch out. I bet you can tell all, but one of those names came from a baby book. Can you tell which one isn’t like the others?
    Holly Capote – aw, I bet you don’t want to write either. I often wonder how dirty a house is of professional cleaners. You think they polish their own floors and silver? I think responding to comments is what makes blogging fun for me. It creates some great sidebar discussions too. Have a great night and thanks again for your visit. Meno is such a sweetie.

  44. darlene says:

    I wasn’t kidding at all! I’m a firm believer that you’re at your best when your true self comes out. If you can’t be comfortable with your loved ones, who can you be comfortable with, right?

  45. Buggss says:

    So I’m guessing Blazing Saddles is your late night fav film?:P

  46. Good for Me says:

    so true egan, so true.

  47. jeci says:

    Happy Valentine’s Day to the Les Singes household! Not having to clench your bum cheeks together all night to hold in farts is definitely a sign of true love.

  48. Eunice says:

    I happened to note that this post is not Mrs. Les Singes approved.

  49. mez says:

    CRAZY?!?!?! I am the sanest person in the world!

  50. M says:

    You’re not in it for the long run if you can’t rip ass in front of your partner.
    This comment, I promise, is from M. The one, the original, not someone else. M. Really. me = M

  51. Gawpo says:

    Wow. What a beautiful story: The Sacred and the Propane?
    Egan, so much of you reminds me of me. Not to mention the attraction to Dungeness Spit. I had no idea it existed until I flew over it for the very first time in 2001 en route (thought you’d like some French mixed in) to Center Island where we have our little (and I do mean little) house. I saw that ribbon of terra firma jutting out so far into the Sound and had to know what it was. Looked it up on the map, on the net. I was oggling it real good like. I look for it every time I fly to the island. I point it out to every passenger. I have been into Sequim (Squim for our out-of-the-know friends) once. I didn’t know you could camp there. A slice of paradise, no doubt.
    Middle initials could be D.S., you know. My 45 year old baby sister just had a baby (surprise!) and they named her Anjulie. I call her Aunt Julie.
    I’m still waiting to see what amongst the raspberries means.

  52. ChickyBabe says:

    Hmm… dunno. This post doesn’t have the usual Mrs Lessinges Approved stamp. Are you holding out on us? 😛

  53. The Grunt says:

    Ha, that’s a great story. Thanks for sharing that, Egan. Breaking wind is something that is one of those deals that you never quite now how it’s going to sit with the one you are getting to know. It’s inevitable: fart happens.

  54. ramblingmuse says:

    That’s funny. And quite sweet.
    Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your family! 😮

  55. Maybe not so nearby too, I suspect, Egan…

  56. Curare_Z says:

    You know, Egan, I love the way you talk about your wife. It’s so obvious how much you love her. Just wait, though. You’ll be TOTALLY amazed with your wife (and the new arrival, of course) once that baby’s born!!! 🙂

  57. celeste says:

    I love this post!! What a wonderful story. We tend to get caught up these days in these unrealistic movie romance ideals, but when it all boils down to it, its about enjoying the little things and being able to laugh together. You’re a very lucky guy Egan!

  58. egan says:

    Darlene – I’m a firm believer in that too. If you can’t be yourself, then who are you? My wife rocks.
    Buggss – don’t make me quote movie lines from Blazing Saddles.
    Good for Me – true that.
    Jeci – truer words have never been typed. Bum cheeks, I love it.
    Eunice – you’re a very wise person. However I did actually have Mrs. Lessinges read it first thing V-Day morning. She loved it. Perhaps I should update the category.
    Mez – you’re right. I apologize for labelling you “crazy”. I will make it never happens again. Do you own a cat?
    M – is this you? Are you an imposter? Farting in front of your special one is key.
    Gawpo – yeah, that area is great. I really love the Olympic Peninsula. You have such great access to so many things, including: Olympic National Park, the ocean, Canada, and lovely Forks. Yes, I’m holding out for the “raspberry” thing too.
    ChickyBabe – you and Eunice are very astute. I did have Mrs. Lessinges read the post first thing V-Day morning. She immediately laughed when she saw the title of the post. (duplicate comment removed)
    The Grunt – so true, it’s always hit and miss. You still have to be kind of respectfull, which means not in front of the parents, but it’s all good otherwise.
    Ramblingmuse – thanks. Good luck with your vacation planning.
    TheDailyMagnet – are you saying I have a stinky bottom? That wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard that title.
    Curare_Z – yeah, she’s a fantastic person. I imagine things will only intensify as the pregNancy progresses. She’s a great lady. You must be close.
    Celeste – ah, you gave me warm fuzzies. That was a very kind thing to say. Thanks. I’m a very lucky guy Celeste. It’s not easy hanging with me daily.

  59. Evil Genius says:

    As always, your post made me laugh and melted my heart at the same time. Sorry I’m so late, but happy VDay to you both!

  60. egan says:

    Evil Genius – you’re not late at all. That’s not possible on this blog. Hey, thanks for the well wishes. I hope you and BikeHunk are doing well. Have a nice weekend.

  61. Quest Girl says:

    Lol, this is really cute n funny at the same time!

  62. egan says:

    Quest Girl – I’m glad you can see the humor and romance. Typically farting isn’t romantic though.

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