Forks a Lot For Nothing

I haven’t done one of these posts in a while so ready yourselves.  It’s everyone’s favorite game: Choose Your Own Adventure.  Okay, so this game is easy to play since you only have to choose from the available options at the end of the post.  Enjoy! 

Alright, in college I had three roommates in a four bedroom apartment.  The residence was a bit small and of course didn’t include a dishwasher.  With four dudes living in small quarters, things had a tendency to get messy.  I know that may come as a surprise to most of you, but yes, guys can be a bit dirty.  (Note: there are girls who are dirty too.)  Sans a dishwasher, this meant dishes piled high quickly.  It was highly annoying and usually required me to crack the whip. 

I worked a late night job a few nights a week so the last thing I wanted to do was clean when I got home.  I mean shit, when was I supposed to study if I was cleaning?  Okay, let’s not kid ourselves about my studying skills.  They weren’t so great.   Anyways, back to the story.  I worked at a bakery and would bring home slices of cake and other assorted goodies for my roommates/friends.

One day I wanted to eat one of the pieces of cake I brought home the previous night.  Needless to say there were no clean forks to be found anywhere.  So it was decision time.  I mean you can’t really enjoy cake if you eat it with your fingers.

A) I forced my roommate to clean some forks by wrestling him to the ground while screaming at the top of my lungs and releasing some flatulence in his face.

B) I took the high road and cleaned some dishes and was then able to enjoy a piece of chocolate caramel cake while watching Ron Popeil on tv.

C) Angered by the lack of forks I opened my roommate’s junk mail credit card offer and then used said fake credit card to shovel the piece of chocolate cake into my smaller than normal mouth.

D) Unable to eat the desserts in our apartment, I took them next door and shared them with the hot sorority girls who just happened to be watching Beverly Hills 90210 when I stopped by.

* Which one of these scenarios is most likely?  A, B, C, or D?  I will complete this story in the next blog post.  The winner of this contest wins a free aqua blue iPod sock.


TODAY’S RULED OUT BABY NAMES: Montblanc, Sharpie, Bic, Scripto, Parker, and Ticonderoga. 


About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
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58 Responses to Forks a Lot For Nothing

  1. Rusty Russman says:

    First, thanks for the welcome to the world of technology. Hmm, a theme: guys are dirty pigs. So, I say you did scenario C. D is just a pipe dream of a horny college age dude. A good one, but still a fantasy. However, A is most humorous and what you wanted to do but C stands as my choice

  2. logo™ says:

    I wish to believe that the ever smooth and suave monkey boy went next door.
    Sadly, I think it was probably A.

  3. egan says:

    Rusty Trombone – welcome to the blogosphere sir. I will reveal the answer in a follow-up post, but I like your thinking.

  4. egan says:

    Logo – ha, you’ll just have to wait on this one. The results of what happened is pretty funny. Please stay tuned.

  5. tori says:

    Is it C? That would have been a clever solution.

  6. egan says:

    Tori – I can’t answer that yet, but please stay tuned. I have been accused of being clever before. I’m still trying to shed that label.

  7. Amanda says:

    I’m a dirty girl.
    Wait…that didn’t come out right.
    Seriously,though, my husband is constantly trying to get me pick up my stuff.
    I think the answer to this hilarious story is either A or C. My first thought is A because you like farting. But C sounds like something someone who is craving cake would do, too.
    Ok, I go with C because I just don’t see you as the type of would scream at someone. C. Final answer.

  8. egan says:

    Amanda – your rationale behind this post has me grinning. Yes, I have admitted to farting and from time to time I can get fiesty. I will reveal the answer over the weekend. You’re a dirty girl eh? Elvis sends his love.

  9. sprizee says:

    I SEE what you’re saying.

  10. mez says:

    dirty girls huh? heh.

  11. celeste says:

    I’m going to go with C. Because who would even think to make something like that up? It MUST be true 🙂
    Have a great weekend Egan! Happy Friday!!

  12. Rachel says:

    I am going to go with A. Just because college guys and flatulence always go together.

  13. Dirty Girl says:

    I like to think it was C, though I’m afraid A *could* have reared it’s stinky head. (or other end) Nah, I’m going with C. 🙂
    What do you mean you can’t enjoy cake eaten with your fingers?

  14. Amanda says:

    I will just wait patiently then to see that I have made the right choice.

  15. lord f says:

    i have a montblanc (it is quite stunning), and i hate ticondaroga (for many reasons that do not involve either lead or graphite).
    but i digress.
    i am not choosing d, because, frankly, i believe that during college and especially while living with so many dudes, you went through a “gay” spell. i’m not entirely sure you’re over that yet. also, i heart bh-9er and can’t believe you would have watched that while eating chocolate caramel cake: what about donna’s eating disorder, have you no heart?
    i also do not believe that choice a is correct, as being gay at that time you would have prided yourself on lack of flatulence (especially face flatulence).
    lastly, i will not choose c, because eating cake with mail is gross.
    thus, i picked b. because i can totally picture you watching ron popeil. totally.
    hugs and mittens,
    lord f

  16. Amy says:

    I’ve been there, I know how frustrating it is to have college roommates dirty EVERY LAST DISH IN THE APARTMENT every single day. One day I got so fed up, I removed all my dishes from the kitchen and kept them in my bedroom for the rest of the school year. The following year I got an apartment all by myself.
    I’m guessing you went with B. because I think you are the type of guy who would take the highroad. However, I would be very impressed if you chose option C; but my official answer is B.

  17. Amanda says:

    Did anyone else think lord f’s response seemed similar to Vizzini’s (the Sicilian from The Princess Bride) logic when trying to figure out which chalice the Dread Pirate Roberts poisoned with Iocane powder? ‘Cuz I totally did.

  18. Burr-ee-toe says:

    I say C. Its just so quirky, it totally sounds like something you would do.

  19. patches says:

    Hmmm. I haven’t been reading your blog long enough to make an educated guess, sooo….. while I can totally picture a guy with three roommates watching Ron Popeil on TV, the whole scenario seems far to reasonable a solution to be plausible so I think I’ll go with A.

  20. Phil says:

    I so want Option D to be true!
    I lived in a similar uni apartment. Our solution was to bulk buy paper plates and plastic cutlery and place the bins in the kitchen which we’d lower on a rope to the pavement on bin day. It helps to flat with an engineering student.

  21. egan says:

    Sprizee – I see, you’re a very clever one, but BEE very careful which item you pick or it will be dee end of you.
    Mez – can you imagine? Dirty girls. We rented a house from some dipshit in college that let it be known he’s never rented to dudes before. We fucked him up good by taking him to small claims court when it was all said and done.
    Celeste – very interesting logic. Hey, have a good weekend too.
    Rachel – yeah, I suppose that is true. Do you think we outgrow that stuff after college. Nah, we don’t.
    Tall Chick/Dirty Girl – eating cake with your fingers works alright. But good cakes don’t taste as good with fingers.

  22. egan says:

    Lord F – are you calling me gay? I’m so going to kick you pathetic Boston Red Sox loving ass. Bend over and take it like a man. Okay, option B is your selection.
    Amy – I love the back and forth in your head. It’s nice to see those cogs moving. Dirty roommates make for dirty lovers…er .. I mean friends. Did you have a sink in your room?
    Amanda – I’m right there with you. I think Lord F has a few dingleberries loose. Just my amateur opinion. Don’t let him know I said this.
    Burr-ee-toe – quirky isn’t my middle name, but I see where you’re going with that comment.
    Patches – hello again and welcome. Option A has been noted. I tell you there’s nothing like a bunch of early 20s guys living together. Plenty of debauchery to be had. Just ask my main man Phil.
    Phil – so your flatmates were also engineers? So were a couple of mine. They had this weapon they called the Yardapult. They used it to rocket shit at the frat across the street. It backfired on them one day when the cops busted them and they made the university’s police blotter.

  23. Chris says:

    B – no hesitation

  24. egan says:

    Chris – alright, I’ve got you in the B column. I hope you enjoy your weekend alone.

  25. lord f says:

    lord f (bends over). well? i thought so.
    hugs and mittens,
    lord f

  26. Jennifer says:

    D) sounds too much like your fantasy ending.
    I’ll go with A) for $200, Alex.
    And in the “things I’ve always wanted to know but never took the time to ask” department”…what’s with your never ending stock of iPod socks?

  27. Maria says:

    I want the first one to be true only because it was the funniest!! Picturing you wrestling someone to the ground and tooting in their face while yelling because of dirty forks just makes my day. Also, it totally brought back memories of my brothers wrestling eachother for no good reason … although dirty forks when there’s cake to be eaten is a damn good reason.

  28. Good for Me says:

    i haven’t even read the story yet. but just looking at the answers, i would say C.
    i’ll go read it now 🙂

  29. Gawpo says:

    Well, since we all know that Amanda IS a dirty girl, the answer is B. (Had to segway it in there somehow!)

  30. Gawpo says:

    Oh, and those are just going to be your new baby’s pen names. Cool.

  31. furiousBall says:

    I’m hoping it’s D, but I’m gonna go with A, especially the story about your lady tooting from Valentines Day

  32. Janet says:

    This isn’t fair. You already told me. Shall I kill the suspense? Can I tell? Can I tell?

  33. egan says:

    Lord F – I just can’t do that to you. I like the BoSox as well. They’re one of my favorite non-Seattle baseball teams. I miss Mike Greenwell.
    Jennifer – I love how you phrased that question of yours. Why do I have so many iPod socks? Okay, here’s the truth. I bought a box of six of them with my pal Sprizee. She took three of them and that left me with two. I’ve given one away to a blogger, and another one has been promised to another blogger. That leaves me with one left to gift. It’s really become an inside joke where I offer it up for some contest and then never mail it out. I don’t like going to the post office.
    Maria – very captivating isn’t it? Having five brothers taught me how to handle the male species in a variety of ways. Typically the crude way seems to work the best.
    Good for Me – I must learn your thought process. Now check back in when you get done riding your new bike.
    Gawpo – you love to flirt with Amanda don’t you?
    Gawpo – pen names, ah… you’re very observant.
    Furiousball – okay, thanks for sharing why you think it’s A. This will help me with future quizzes.
    Janet – oh yeah, I suppose I did tell you. I can never remember who I tell what. Shhh, just keep it a secret for a couple days.

  34. naynayfazz says:

    As awesome as A would be, I am going to have to go with B. Ron Popeil… HA HA HA.

  35. Paul says:

    You think four guys in an apartment are dirty? Try fifty-six guys living in a frat house!
    Who needs a fork to eat? (Because if you really do, a dirty one would do.)
    Answer: C
    Option A probably happend regularly, but without cause.

  36. Amy says:

    No Egan, I did not have a sink in my room. Unlike my roommates, I washed my dishes when I finished eating.

  37. CSL says:

    D would be the most fun, of course, but I’m guessing C. But I hope you stopped brining those goobers cake after that.

  38. seb says:

    Hey, thanks for stopping by my blog.
    I hope it was scenario D, haha! Same situation for me in college, guess that’s the way it is a lot of times.
    As for knowing French, I’m originally French, and after moving to lots of random places with my family finally ended up in the US 🙂

  39. Tall Chick says:

    I bought a box of six of them with my pal Sprizee. She took three of them and that left me with two. I’ve given oneaway to a blogger, and another one has been promised to another blogger. That leaves me with one left to gift.
    Er. I can help yuo with math if you want to teach my kids French. ^_^

  40. Tall Chick says:

    Or you could help me with my typing. O_o ^_^

  41. Gawpo says:

    Flirt with Amanda? Me? Not in your dreams. I’m totally coming ON to her. Get it right.

  42. Buggss says:

    I choose G;
    You wrestled the sorority girls to clean your whole apartment,while farting uncontrollably at Luke Perry from 90210 and you sent your roommate out for wine he charged on his fake credit card.

  43. Brookelina says:

    I mean you can’t really enjoy cake if you eat it with your fingers.
    Are you completely insane?

  44. Jen says:

    I’m going for ‘C’

  45. Caro says:

    The credit card. For sure.

  46. egan says:

    NayNayFazz – ah, so you know who Ron Popeil is then?
    Paul – what’s a frat? Oh, hello and welcome to my blog. A frat is a large house which typically uses two to three letters of the Greek alphabet as a name. Many boys lived in the same house right? I may have seen a so called “frat” or two in my day. I’ve noted your selection of C. Thanks for the visit.
    Amy – see, I was simply giving you a bad time when I mentioned the sink. I’m sure you were all over the joke though. I had a roommate my freshman year who insisted on using paper plates for everything. Needless to say he and I didn’t get along too well.
    CSL – goobers? They were my friends who I happened to live with. Man was I ever crazy for choosing that. Okay, I have you in the C camp along with the majority of other commenters.
    Sebastien – ah merci pour ta visite. Cool, I will be back to your blog since you seem like a hip cyclist who just happens to be French. C’est super sympa! Do you share my love of 90210?
    Tall Chick – sorry, it was late when I typed that response. I apologize for misleading you, but it did make me an easy target. I had that going for me.
    Tall Chick – typing is a skill that not everyone can master. It’s kind of similar to posting on YouTube.
    Gawpo – I’m on to you mister. You better sleep with one eye open tonight.
    Buggss – I like your way of thinking. You kind of spoiled the follow-up post, but it’s all good.
    Brookelina – yes and I’m completely serious too.
    Jen – okay, this has been noted in my list of Things About Jen.
    Caro – pourquoi option C?

  47. Caro says:

    Je ne sais pas…Probablement parce que je l’aurais moi-même fait! Trop précis et complètement
    pèté (weird) pour ne pas être complètement vrai. En passant,j’essaie comme une malade de démarrer un Blogue mais ça ne marche pas. Je suis pourrie en informatique alors t’imagine… Je te laisse savoir dès que ça fonctionne! Bonne semaine à toi et Mme. Lessinges!

  48. M says:

    Seriously, let’s call a spade a spade.

  49. kim says:

    Ooooo new ipod socks in pretty colors!
    Im going with D ..cuz you’re smart like that 🙂

  50. egan says:

    Caro – ha, tu as raison mon amie. Oui, l’histoire etait trop peté comme tu as dit. Parfait, je voudrais lire un blogue a toi quand ca marche. Merci.
    M – ha, you were wrong silly one. See my newest post. Hope you’re doing well.
    Kim – nah, it was option C. I only have one iPod sock left to give away.

  51. naynayfazz says:

    I hate to admit this, but we bought something from his infomercial. 🙂

  52. Good for Me says:

    the thought process was more about getting to know you through your blog and deducing which of the answers were more in line with your character.

  53. darlene says:

    It was chocolate & caramel – I would have eaten it with my hands…better yet, i probably would have shoved my face into it.
    p.s. You’re having a girl. Please don’t name her after any disney characters, okay? ex: Ariel, Jasmine, Aurora, Cinderella, Mulan, and especially Pocahantas.

  54. egan says:

    NayNayFazz – I have to know what you bought. I’m going to guess you purchased the super duper Food Dehydrator and not the Pocket Fisherman. Please tell me I’m right. Did you tell three friends to get the special pricing?
    Good for Me – ah, perhaps I led you astray. My bad. I can be many things to many people… hell what does that mean?
    Darlene – yeah, I’ve heard that I’m crazy for not eating cake with my fingers. I’m a tiny bit civilized though. Okay, no Disney characters for sure. I think that’s a safe bet.

  55. seb says:

    You know, I was a little young for 90210, but I remember liking it when I did see it, haha.
    So how do you know French!!!?? Very exciting to meet a fellow French speaker I must say!
    I’d write in French, but I can’t get any of the accents on my laptop and my writing skills aren’t incredible…

  56. Good for Me says:

    i don’t think you did lead me astray, since i chose the right answer 🙂 “be all things to all people” – good question.

  57. egan says:

    Sebastien – I started taking French class in 9th grade. For some reason the sounds and vocabulary came fairly naturally for me. I love to mimic noises so perhaps it makes learning a foreign language easier. I then took three years of French in college and have used it in my last three jobs working with the Quebecois or Français.
    I hear you on the accent thing. It’s not too bad on a desktop, but on laptops you might as well forget them. Unless you want to change your keyboard to the French layout. A la prochaine fois!
    Good for Me – you’re a smart cookie. That’s not a question for me is it?

  58. Good for Me says:

    nope – was just reiterating what you said to me.

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