Daylight savings happens this weekend. I can hardly contain myself since it means I will be able to do more stuff after work with additional daylight hours at my disposal. I could mow the lawn, yank weeds, go for a bike ride, swim naked in the lake, knock on neighbor’s doors asking to borrow peanut butter, or simply streak up and down our streets. So much to do with increased amounts of daylight, a boy can dream.
Okay, enough digressing though. I have a very serious agenda for this post. The reason daylight savings was bumped up four weeks this year from its usual April date is to hopefully conserve energy. That’s how it was explained in 2005 when legislation was passed for the current adjustment. There seems to be quite a bit of debate about whether or not daylight savings really does conserve any energy. Studies suggest as little as a 1-2% energy reduction at most based on the fact it will be darker in the morning hours and won’t offset energy usage at night.
This is all well and good, however as a potential presidential candidate in the 2012 elections I might suggest the following ways to conserve energy instead:
- force able-bodied people to use the stairs more often vs. elevators.
- provide tax credits to consumers who buy hybrid cars.
- sin tax for cars/tanks that get less than 15 miles/gallon.
- give every household a free Clapper.
- more sex equals less electricity usage –> sex credits
- in the winter months, force the sun to stay up with Superman’s help.
- encourage commuters to bike to work by providing cash incentives and/or free deodorant.
- hairdryers must be solar powered.
- touching yourself is okay since it could prevent a population explosion –> masturbation credits.
- complete ban on jet skis and snowmobiles for recreational purposes.
- one night a week will be candle-powered –> sex credits
- television is only permissable if you watch 24, The Amazing Race, Extras, Beverly Hills 90210, Intervention, The Office, or Little House on the Prairie. (*items in bold submitted by readers with my approval)
Please vote for me in 2012 since I got your blogger back! With your help, we can bring bloggin’ back!
TODAY’S RULED OUT BABY NAMES: Max, Sophie, Cliff, Dakota, Duncan, and Hannah.