Cracking, it Seems

  • Running up and down stairs is so much easier sans low rise jeans.
  • My wife is expecting our first child, a girl.
  • I have an alter ego cleverly named Robot Egan, consider yourself warned.
  • Isn’t every road on an island a "dead end" technically?
  • I’m less than a week into 34 and it’s isn’t so bad thus far.
  • My wife and I are in contract negotiations for our first baby pictures.
  • I’m not a fan of dog poop in my yard.
  • I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom and my nose is large like a pickle.
  • My voice started cracking around 12 and hasn’t stopped yet.
  • When drunk, I get a bit feisty and perhaps a bit annoying.

About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
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52 Responses to Cracking, it Seems

  1. Cheryl says:

    Are many people fans of dog poop in their yards? And really, all roads dead end eventually regardless of where they are.

  2. Amanda says:

    I’m not a fan of dog poop anywhere. Especially my yard, but it also annoys me to see it on the bike path in the park and other places.
    And you wrote “thus far”…that made me smile.

  3. sprizee says:

    Just when you’re drunk?

  4. tori says:

    When I am not drunk I am feisty and annoying. When I am drunk I am generally asleep.

  5. Amy says:

    I have a great idea for your baby’s photos. Fly in Mez and let her do her magic. I hear she is pretty darn good.

  6. Airam says:

    I need to send that memo out to a few of my students. I’ve got some plumber’s butts in my class.

  7. Airam says:

    The low rise jeans memo.

  8. egan says:

    Cheryl – you know what, you make a great point there. Not many see poop in their yard and clap or whistle like it’s a good thing. My bad.
    Amanda – thus far in my life, there’s nothing worse than poop on a bike path. Running it over sucks and then it gets all smelly again.
    Sprizee – you raise a great point. Monkey Boy, the act, was done completely sober. Thanks for the reminder.
    Tori – that sounds very familiar. Are you a relative of mine?
    Amy – you’re on to something. Mez is a hero of mine for many reasons. She’s live in Australia so I might be able to swing it. She wants to see Seattle too.
    Airam – yes, low rise jeans aren’t to be worn by grade one kids. Noted.
    Airam – I feel you chica.

  9. tori says:

    I just realized I never asked about the monkey boy thing and now am curious. Explain please.
    I only wish I was a relative of yours…then I would have access to your mom’s wonderful yarn room.

  10. Lynn says:

    Could you please explain what the size of your nose has to do with a Burger King bathroom?

  11. Amanda says:

    You did it again! Still makes me smile. People do not use the word “thus” enough me thinks. And yes…then after you run the poop over, it’s stuck in the tire treads and you have to take a stick to clean them out and then wash the bike. GRRR!
    And I’m giggling about Lynn’s question because my dirty mind has some ideas as to possible answers, but I don’t want to go there.

  12. Leezer says:

    I kid you not – last night I had a dream I was wearing low rise jeans that were really tight and I couldn’t walk up stairs because I couldn’t bend my knees and my butt crack kept showing!! And I am annoying when drunk, too! But I am a nice drunk. It’s all about the love, behbeh. I don’t get the Burger King/Nose Pickle thing. Clarify please.

  13. Katy says:

    Contract negotiations? For real?
    Oy. You aren’t even close to making school decisions and you’re making photo op decisions?? I’m totally out of the loop.
    Oh, and speaking of low rise jeans, will you please write a post about ‘muffin top’?

  14. Monkeydragon says:

    well, I’m hooked –
    just invested in little decorative fences for the yard – in lieu of the obnoxious sign with the dog pooping silloutte with a red circle slash (although it was a tough decision)
    found purchasing pants in a size or two smaller than I should wear in “long” remedied the low rise issue – and no longer have to listen to my kids reminding me that I have a saggy butt . . .
    I too was confused about the nose in Burger King –

  15. egan says:

    Tori – I think I need to do another Why Monkey Boy post. I’ve done one once and maybe I need another update. I need to chat with my mom about adopting a new girl and her kids to the family. Stay tuned.
    Lynn – I might decline to answer your questions for a little bit. I’m hoping someone will chime in on the topic.
    Amanda – I am laughing at your response to Lynn. Damn, you’re very funny and your mind is well tuned. Are you doing the Humpty Dance?
    Leezer – I suppose the Burger King remark will need an explanation at some point. Do you remember a song in the early 90’s by Digital Underground? Give that a stab. Wow, your low rise jeans dream is a bit freaky. Maybe it was all that talk about West Seattle that got me in your head. Hmm.
    Katy – not serious at all. It was meant to sound like I was Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes or some other famous celebrity selling photos to the highest bidder for their publication. I understand why you’re out of the loop. Moving can be a real drag. How’s life on the other side of the water?
    Monkeydragon – hello and welcome to my blog. Yeah, a fellow monkey stops by to visit. Primates are always welcome here. Dogs were pooping in your yard too? Our neighbor’s cat craps in our yard every day. One day I’m going to bag it up and stick it under her Welcome doormat. I was quoting song lyrics in the Burger King bullet point. Aparently the song isn’t too well known. Thanks for your visit.

  16. ChickyBabe says:

    Can Robot Egan come out to play?

  17. BURGER KING BATHROOM!!!!! Did you put paper down first?

  18. Chris says:

    Dude – If I just happened to be in or around the Seattle area at the time I read that post I’d have had to take you out for a beer.

  19. mez says:

    contract neg for first baby pictures? What is there to negotiate?!
    You’re wearing low rider jeans? Please tell me your g-string isn’t showing! 😛

  20. patches says:

    Low rise jeans lose their appeal when garnished with a muffin top. So you did the pickle tickle in the Bk Bathroom. I’ve never felt the need to take someone in a fast food restaurant….but interstate rest stops are another story…

  21. brookem says:

    Egan, liking your impomptu list.

  22. sizzle says:

    you wear low rise jeans. please esplain! 😉

  23. Lynda says:

    I’ll bet running up and down stairs is easier when you aren’t wearing pants at all.
    And what if the road is a loop? Or a circle?

  24. furiousball says:

    Which is why I plan on one day making every road end in a cul de sac and I’ll shoot your dead end theory all to hell.

  25. Rachel says:

    The humpty dance is your chance to do the funk….which could by why it was done in a Burger King bathroom.
    I certainly wouldn’t want to do the funk in my house. It might linger.

  26. tori says:

    I would love it if your mom could adpot me. I think I would need to change my name though since it doesn’t start with an “E”. Maybe Elaina? Or Eden? Any suggestions on my new “E” name?

  27. Golden says:

    You’re gonna bag the cat and put it under the welcome mat?

  28. sprizee says:

    When are you coming out with Monkey Boy: The Musical?

  29. Laurie says:

    i always have plumber’s crack from the darn low rise jeans.
    it embarrasses my daughter to no end. this is why i won’t stop.

  30. egan says:

    ChickyBabe – Robot Egan can, but I guess it depends on who he will entertain. Are we talking about you or Pixie?
    steppingoverthejunk – ha, that didn’t really happen. I’m quoting a lyric from a silly song. That paper doesn’t really stop anything anyways.
    Chris – why would you say this? Do I see to need a drink? Samuel Adams?
    Mez – well funny you should mention that aspect. Your name came up as some we should consider to take the photos. Is this a service you provide? Do you want to submit a bid? Yes, I wear g-strings. I’m so glad you brought that up so I didn’t have to.
    Patches – I’d love to hear some more about interstate rest stop romances. Muffin tops are the best.
    Brookem – thanks fourther. It was some stuff I had to get off my mind.
    Sizzle – yes, I have a couple of pairs that are a little bit lower than normal. Now on a guy, sans hips, they don’t ride that much lower. But they do rub between the legs and striding isn’t quite as easy.
    Lynda – you have a fantastic point about birthday suits. Perhaps I will give this a go. So tell something about the circle road, how do you get to it?
    Furiousball – your theory wouldn’t work, but nice try. You said “cul de sac”. I love it.
    Rachel – finally, finally someone gets what I’m referring to. Yeah. You should win something.
    Golden – yes, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Or not, I’m going to bag the cat shit and put the shit under my neighbor’s welcome doormat. She allows her damn cat to wander in my yard daily to take a shit. Personally, I’m not a fan of this feline behavior.

  31. egan says:

    Sprizee – is this on your mind because the Edward Scissorhands thing in town? Maybe I can have you design some costumes and we can hire some actors.
    Laurie – yeah, I want to em-bare-ass my daughter to no end when she arrives on the scene. I will get tips from you.

  32. QofS says:

    …I’ll eat up all your crackers and your licorice…yo fat girl…

  33. egan says:

    QofS – well thanks for your grand entrance and first comment on my blog. Welcome. I see you’re acquainted with Mr. Digital Underground.

  34. sprizee says:

    Deal. Let’s pay them in Dulce de Leche Starbucks Lattes.
    You sing soprano, right?

  35. Lynn says:

    Generally I am not considered naive, but clearly from the comments that follow mine, I am missing something very obvious from your ‘Burger King and nose’ comment…please, oh please explain it to me…why do I think that I will have to go hide my head in the sand after your explanation?

  36. tori says:

    Also, on my comment above (that you ignored but I am not upset about that at all) “adpot” was meant to say “adopt”.

  37. egan says:

    Sprizee – I like your way of thinking young woman. I’m going to devise a plan.
    Lynn – okay, let me break it down for you. The nose is large like a pickle. You know pickles come in many different shapes and sizes, one could say they resemble the male form. So yeah, that should lead you in some direction.

  38. egan says:

    Tori – shit, sorry for overlooking that comment of yours. Yes, an E name would be required. My mom’s name is Elaine so you’d have to choose something else. Eden isn’t going to work. I think Emme or Elle would be much better.

  39. tori says:

    Why can’t I be Eden?
    I could be Emma like every single friend of my daughters. I will have to keep thinking on my new “E” name and let you know. Then your mom can either vote me in or vote me out (do I watch a little too much reality tv?)

  40. egan says:

    Tori – speaking of tv, did you watch Lost last night? I loved that one. It was nice and scary, but I won’t ruin it for those with TiVo who haven’t seen it. Your blog links got me really distracted today. Thanks for that.

  41. egan says:

    Tori – Eden isn’t a name that would fly in our family for certain reasons. Ethel?

  42. patches says:

    8 hour drives can be rather dull, one can’t possibly be expected to wait until arriving home.

  43. Lynn says:

    I am now hanging my head in embarassment for clearly missing the point. Now that my head is close to the gutter…a light bulb has come on and I understand. In a dirty, smelly, public bathroom…ewwww??? Certainly not a mood enhancer.

  44. tori says:

    Eliza? Would that work? Eunice? Why does your mom’s name have to be one of my favorite “E” names? You know…besides Egan of course.
    I did see Lost. I liked it a lot. I can not wait for next week! I wonder if Amanda saw it before she left. I bet she’s sad that Desmond wasn’t on it…it looked (from the previews) like he will be prominent next week.
    Sorry about the blog link today. I love Erin though.

  45. tori says:

    Duh! I just said “I love Erin”..her name starts with “E” maybe I should use her name and then it would be totally confusing.

  46. egan says:

    Patches – you have a great point about the wait. Why stop though? You know.
    Lynn – you’re right, so not a mood enhancer. I’m glad you got it.
    Tori – well, put your thinking cap on. I know one Eunice and she’s not terribly fond of her name. Her words, not mine. Lost was damn good. Amanda shot me an email after it was over. She seemed pretty happy with the show, even without Desmond.
    Tori – who is Erin? Oh, your friend you linked to today. That would be very confusing.

  47. tori says:

    Emelia is my final answer…unless that is not good with you.

  48. Good for Me says:

    ‘nose like a pickle’. mmm. very interesting.
    i’m gonna email you. i feel like a bike tard and have a question and don’t feel like calling the store to let them know i’m a bike tard.

  49. jungle jane says:

    Where do you prefer dog poop then? the pavement? the neighbour’s yard?
    Perhaps there should be a law brought out that prevents dogs from pooping at all??

  50. egan says:

    Tori – the name Emelia works for me. It’s a pretty cute name if you ask me.
    Good for Me – I got your email. I hope that advice i gave you makes sense. Don’t mind my crude quoting of rap lyrics. I was in a silly mood.
    Jungle Jane – they can poop wherever they want, provided the owner picks up after them. Is that too much to ask? Don’t make me fling poo and turn into a caveman.

  51. Good for Me says:

    okay, i’ll ignore. your quote, not your advice.
    made sense, will reply apres travaille.

  52. egan says:

    Good for Me – I’m still waiting to hear if this worked or not. Don’t think I’m not waiting eagerly either.

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