Another Edgy Freak

Hi, my name is Monkey Boy.   Today I will share with what it’s like to be an expectant father.  Last night my wife and I attended our birthing class.  However, before arriving I got really busy at work in the final hour.  [enter freak out #2 of pregnancy]  So yeah, it got hectic at work in the final 60 minutes and I just about lost my shit.  I was on edge because I couldn’t get anything to work software-wise plus nobody was around the office. 

After angerily leaving work I was forced to follow a really slow driver to our birthing class.  We got dinner and I decided I would use the facilities before eating.  For some stupid reason my jeans looked horrible with my short sleeve shirt.  I had a similar breakdown about six weeks ago while trying on clothes in a Banana Republic.  Sure I’m not my skinny Ironman self, but it’s not so bad.  It’s pretty damn apparent the stress of becoming a father is taking a toll on me. 

Our weekend flew by and I didn’t get nearly as much accomplished on the homefront as I had hoped.  We’re down to 11 weekends left as my wife starts week 28 of the pregnancy today.  Really though, it was not about the fit of my clothes.  It’s about a becoming a parent and all those "unknowns" of becoming a father. 

On the way to dinner, after work in the MINI, I gave my wife a belated Mother’s Day card written from the perspective of the baby girl in her belly.  This was a mighty fine suggestion from a blogger.  My wife loved the card and shed some tears as we were inhaling exhaust.  It was a very fun card to write and I may have mentioned something about boobies. 

Where was I? Oh yeah, so I had the meltdown in the bathroom.  Thankfully some pesto pasta calmed me down.  Then there were our breathing exercises from our birthing class, they helped mellow me out a bit too.  A day later I’m happy to report a much more calm and collected Monkey Boy is back.  I do predict a couple more of these tiny "freak outs" in the remaining three months. 

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About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
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55 Responses to Another Edgy Freak

  1. Katy says:

    A couple? Let’s call it a few and be conservative. I mean, you’re doing fine! Seriously, it’s only the heat getting to your head, that’s all.

  2. egan says:

    Katy – well hello there! How’s life? You could be on to something there. I’m thinking at least two more will happen, but perhaps I’m too conservative like you said. Isn’t it awesome out today? Sadly the a/c is chilling me in the office.

  3. irot says:

    I completely understand about the freak out not being related to the issue you are freaking out about, but to bigger things. I have some major stuff going on, and last week I had a freak out about clothing too. It wasn’t actually about the clothing, but a symptom of me feeling like things are out of control…I think you have read enough to know how much I like to be in control. I don’t really like the unexpected most of the time, so I get what you are saying.
    I love that you did the card. Did you really mention the boobies?

  4. egan says:

    Irot – you better believe I mentioned the boobies. I said something about the food selection being rather pathetic in the womb. Yeah, the freak outs have surprised even myself. I’m a pretty confident guy so when that bout of tiny self doubt reers its ugly head, it pisses me off. Thankfully it’s usually over in about 5-10 minutes.

  5. Winters says:

    Bonsoir le singe-garçon.
    It was great to read your expectant father tale, and I wish you, mum and baby all the best!
    And I will try to remember your pesto cure for bathroom meltdown. Sounds like a winner.

  6. justrun says:

    You’ll probably use those breathing exercises for the rest of your life. Wait until the kid walks… or drives, right?
    Also, the poem? Supa.

  7. Leisel says:

    So freaking funny…let’s hope the baby girl is really into her boobies as much as you are. πŸ˜‰

  8. Amy says:

    This post made me giggle. Or maybe it was the 5 cups of coffee I drank this evening. Not really sure. Anyway, I apologize for being insensitive, (even though you wouldn’t never have know this if I didn’t tell you).
    I also want to say thank you for admitting you have emotional freak out sessions from time to time. It’s comforting to know its not just women who do this.
    I’m glad you are feeling better now.

  9. Amy says:

    I really should proof read before I hit that post button. “…you wouldn’t never have know…”

  10. Airam says:

    My suggestion is you start to carry around fake poo (almost like fake vomit) and when someone pisses you off (like slow driver) you just whip it at them. Then run like mad. I’m sure that will lift your spirits.

  11. Amanda says:

    Only 2 freak outs and she’s coming in August? I’m proud of you, actually. I think that’s pretty good.
    Freak outs suck when they happen and when things just don’t go your way and when the thing that sets you off isn’t really what’s bothering you. It makes you feel out of control and crazy. But getting it under control is what’s important and if it’s pesto pasta, then so be it! If it were me, it would take a whole chocolate cake to calm me down with something as large as what you’re going through, but that’s just me.
    I love the mother’s day card you gave Mrs. L. That seriously sounds like something my husband would do. Especially mentioning boobies…he would so do that. It’s very cute.

  12. churlita says:

    It sounds like you are completely normal in your pre-baby behavior. It’s so much scarier when they’re inside where you can’t see them and you want everything to be perfect on the outside for when they meet you.
    Breathing is very good.

  13. jenny says:

    nothing like a good bowl of pesto pasta to calm your nerves. personally, i find carbs to be the great cure-all… πŸ™‚

  14. Candace says:

    I love that you mentioned the boobies. ^_^ This is what we like to hear when we are feeling like unattractive cows – affirmation that you still like our bodies. πŸ™‚
    I really like Airam’s fake poo suggestion. I think I’ll take some to after school class when I teach the son of crazy bitch-woman. (he’s fine, it would be in case she shows up) (details in tonight’s post) (and here I think I’d like to add just one more parenthetical comment) (or maybe two)
    I have to stop being so awful now. I’m having a hard time leaving that comment there, so I’m going to post before I can change my mind.
    Sometimes it’s good to let these things out. Right?
    But what if she were to read it. I don’t want her to feel bad. ^_^ (some day I’ll have to learn that once in a while it’s OK to let someone be pissed at you, and just let it go.)

  15. Lynn says:

    What you are going through sounds perfectly normal to me…hang in there.

  16. Hannelie says:

    It’s all normal Egan. So just ride the wave! Before you know it you’ll be doing pajama-drill and be a pro.
    Change is always uncertain but those who don’t dare will never enjoy.

  17. L says:

    All it took was some pesto pasta to calm you down? You’re just hungry. Eat more. Shirt fit be damned. (A little roundness will make it easier for you to hold the baby on your hip.)

  18. Eunice says:

    embrace every last one of them — they don’t stop when the little one comes shooting out. πŸ™‚

  19. Monkeydragon says:

    only pesto pasta to calm down? wait ’til the teen years . . . you’l need a good chianti with that –

  20. ChickyBabe says:

    I love making pesto! I never buy the ready-made stuff. Hard to beat the freshness.

  21. egan says:

    Winters – salut monsieur. Yeah, I think the pesto thing can work. I think it’s because one’s breath is so bad after pesto, nobody wants to approach. Merci pour les voeux de bebe.
    Justrun – I’ve used them already for training and other stressful situations. Add kids in the mix and it’s certain to change things. Breath in and exhale slowly…
    Leisel – I hear you on that one. If the baby doesn’t latch on, it could be a rough first few weeks. I’m really hopeful that won’t happen.
    Amy – giggle away if you must. I had fun typing it and noticed upon proofing it, I was all over the place with this one. You didn’t come across as insensitive at all. I rarely have that sort of emotional breakdown, but twice in the past few months it’s happened. Must get to pool to swim!
    Amy – I got and thanks for fessing up to the laughing at my expense.
    Airam – this is a sound solution. I like pranks and can run fast. I will seek out said bag of fake poo.
    Amanda – I couldn’t pass up the boobie thing. There are just so there these days, shit… I’m going to hear about this later. Freakouts are okay I guess, I’d rather they not happen. I’m learning to accept them instead of dismissing them though.
    Churlita – yes breathing — good, not breathing — bad. Thanks for confirming these jitters. I’m glad Mrs. Lessinges puts up with me during those brief bouts.
    Jenny – yes, pesto is a great cure all if you ask me. That or some homemade macaroni and chesse, with breadcrumbs.

  22. patches says:

    Nothing distracts a grown man from a breakdown like saying or typing the word boobies….Freak outs just mean you comprehend how important it is to be a father. It may be the most important job you ever have. It will test your endurance in ways iron man never could. It’s ironic that so many of life’s most beautiful moments are accompanied by so much uncertainty.

  23. mez says:

    all you can do is click your seatbelt and hold on. Sounds like a fun ride anyway – even if it is a bit stressful at the mo.

  24. Amanda says:

    As long as Mrs. L thought the boobie stuff was funny, then it’s all good (since she has to carry them around and all). I get enough boobie comments and I’m not pregnant, so I can only imagine what would happen if I were to ever have a kid. But that won’t be a worry for me for quite awhile now.
    I’m also glad that you’re learning to accept the freak outs and work with them instead of just sloughing them off. Thankfully you have blogging to help you with that.

  25. furiousball says:

    As Benjamin Franklin once said, “I have not yet begun to freak out!”
    I think he said that…if not I did.

  26. sizzle says:

    seems pretty normal to freak out from time to time. i do and i am not even expecting a baby!

  27. The freakouts don’t stop. They just change. Remember to breathe and find time to chill, and it’s okay to hide in the bathroom pressing a warm washcloth to your face as you yell into it, “What the HECK am I doing? Who said I could be a parent?” ‘Cause we’ve all done it.

  28. it’s nice a man can admit these things so all the ladies dont feel like they are always the crazy ones

  29. Congrats on becoming a father!

  30. brookem says:

    Sounds like the birthing class came at a good time for you, with the breathing exercises and all. (do you think they’d let single women go to these classes to just meditate and learn some breathing techniques??)
    Hang in there! Love that you gave her a card from the perspective of the baby! πŸ™‚

  31. jeci says:

    Egan, I often have meltdowns precipitated by the way my shirt looks with my jeans. I am inexplicably relieved to hear that men do this too. Although, I’m not about to become a parent, so I suppose I’m just naturally high strung instead of being anxious about something tangible. I’m sure being a parent will be awesome and that you have nothing to worry about. Besides, once you’re a dad, you’ll have spit up all over your shirt and how it looks with your jeans will be the least of your worries. πŸ˜›

  32. sprizee says:

    Hang in there Egan. It’s okay to freak out every now and then. You’re going to make a great dad.

  33. egan says:

    Tall Chick – yes, it’s very good to get things off your chest. Trust me, I know that it will be very important to let my wife know how much I love her post partum. It’s important every day, but once her body becomes a vessle for the child.. things will change.
    Lynn – thanks for confirming this. I don’t hear guys talk about this stuff often, but I’m assuming it’s par for the course.
    Hannelie – pajama duty, yeah! I actually kind of look forward to this. The bonding with baby will be fun.
    L – you rule! I’ve actually had that very thought. I mini gut can make baby holding much easier. Seriously, I’ve had that thought so often. My arms are going to be cut, so are mom’s.
    Eunice – thanks and I’m sure you’re right about that. Freaking out can be a good thing.
    Monkeydragon – chianti? so far I’m pretty good at avoiding booze to self soothe. I hope to keep it that way, but I hear what you’re saying.
    Chickybabe – the best part about making fresh pesto, it’s really not all that hard to do. Damn does it ever taste yummy. I’m all about the pesto.
    Patches – love love love this comment. Yes, nothing says compassion like the word “boobies” in a Mother’s Day card. I will take my role as a parent seriously, but make sure not too seriously. I want her to have fun and see all the world has to offer.
    Mez – yes, the seatbelt will always be on and fully engaged.

  34. egan says:

    Amanda – your reverse psychology won’t work on me. When’s the due date? Ah, freak out!
    Furiousball – do you watch many movies? Just asking.
    Sizzle – great point fellow 34er. It’s okay to freak out, but for some odd reason guys are expected to remain stoic.
    Mona – hey, thanks for the input. I think the bathroom tip of yours may come in handy. It’s one of the few confined areas in the house where you can let your guard down…. among other things.
    steppingoverthejunk – yes, we are prone to these sorts of things too. Admitting that is tough though.
    Princess – thank you kindly. It will be fun and yes I’m totally excited.
    Brookem – I don’t know, maybe stuff a pillow under your shirt and get a try. Or you could do yoga or go for a swim at your local swimming hole. The card was a big hit and a great reader suggestion.
    Jeci – that’s a fantastic point about spit and shirts. I just won’t give a shit about my appearance. Thanks for the reminders. It will keep things in perspective.
    Sprizee – such a sweet succinct comment. Thanks.

  35. Burr-ee-toe says:

    Egan, have you thought about yoga? That always relaxes me.

  36. egan says:

    Burr-ee-toe – funny you should mention yoga. I suggested another blogger try it instead of visiting a prenatal class. Swimming usually does the trick for me, or exercise in general.

  37. leezer says:

    Egan:
    Let me guess. You are the emotional one in the relationship.
    I freaked out the night before I was induced (I was two weeks overdue with Georgia). I cried out of that sheer, visceral fear of how much it might hurt.
    Seven years later, I can truthfully say I had workouts that hurt more than giving birth. I don’t know if that means I’m a stud or that I have a demonic trainer. Maybe both.
    You are going to be just fine, Egan. I promise.
    Still thinking of when/where we should meet to go over my training regimine.
    Peace,
    Leezer

  38. Chris says:

    While I don’t wish for you or anyone to have these sorts of episodes, as one who suffers from such types of episodes, it’s oddly comforting to know that others have them too.
    Perhaps if there’s some way to embrace these magical moments, which having this blog to documentthem makes it easier, you’ll have something to look back on and get a laugh from.
    Hopefully, the process of sharing your experience through this blog will prove to be therapeutic.

  39. egan says:

    Leezer – we’re both fairly emotional folks. You’ve had workouts harder than childbirth? You must have a tough trainer. Leezer we can meet anywhere. I’m familiar with your hood. Might I suggest a Starbucks?
    Chris – thanks dude. That’s why I blogged about this very topic. It helps me rationalize what’s going on in my head. I can look back a year from now and chuckle while I’m knee deep in diapers.

  40. Amanda says:

    I read your response to me and this:
    “Ah, freak out! made me do this:
    “Le Freak, C’est Chic”

  41. egan says:

    Amanda – then you get me because that’s exactly what I was attempting to do.

  42. jungle jane says:

    so. lemme get this straight…you feel fat, nervous and out of control but your birthing classes fixed all that?
    blimey egan…gimme the name of your midwife – these classes sound like they are better than a fat joint and a nice full body massage…

  43. L says:

    Seriously. And it’ll be a nice ride for baby – more cushy and comforting. You know – in a nice contrast to your big, strong arms.

  44. Tim says:

    “The remaining three months”?? Try the next 30 years…

  45. Candace says:

    You’re a good man, Efo. πŸ™‚

  46. The Grunt says:

    It’s alright to freak out, Egan. This is all pretty important and exciting stuff.
    That is a great idea–the way you wrote that card. I don’t know if I could pull it off seeing as how I am not fathering a child. It would be pretty strange for me to do that for the pregnant girl at work.

  47. Hannelie says:

    And don’t forget to put baby in the shower with you, our little man have enjoyed it to bits! He mostly had his showers with daddy and saved me bending over the baby bath.

  48. Amanda says:

    Were you also attempting to have me then sing that part (and only that part) of the song all. Night. Long? Because I did. Even when I was curled up in the fetal position on the couch because I was afraid of throwing up (I’m still sick), I was humming the song. Merci, monkey boy.
    Oh, and what did you think of Lost? It was a little boring – just setting things up for next week’s 2 hour finale. But at the end when Desmond offers to go for Charlie, Zac had to pause it because I was going “Nuh-uh! Nuh-uh! He is not going to do that…no way!” I got the “it’s just a TV show” line again. Whatev.

  49. brookem says:

    PS- I like the title of the post and how you’re incorporating the initials in there. See, I get something else to decode now that the baby name game is gonezo.

  50. Cake Lady says:

    I’m glad you got it together again.

  51. egan says:

    Jungle Jane – your comment brought a huge smile to my face. You’re the best. If it’s a boy unexpectedly, he will be named Jane.
    L – I have big strong arms don’t I. Thanks for the reminder. My forearms are gigantic and made for baby carrying.
    Tim – you make a fantastic point. I guess it will be a different kind of freak out. Thanks for keeping it real.
    Candace – aw, thanks Tall Chick. You’re pretty swell yourself.
    The Grunt – now that’s an idea, write a card like for a co-worker. That will turn a few heads for sure. Thanks for understanding about the freak outs. As guys, we have to stick together.
    Hannelie – another great tip for sure. Our new shower is now working as it should. Woohoo.
    Amanda – I love how much you get into Lost. It warms my heart. It wasn’t nearly as exciting as last week’s wickedly good one, but it set up next week’s episode quite well. I think I have a crush on Rousseau’s daughter. Ah Freak Out!
    Brookem – I will give you other stuff to decode too. Good work though on the title. Nothing, and I mean nothing, gets passed you.
    Cake Lady – yes, three days later I’m still doing well.

  52. Michi says:

    wow…I never heard the father’s perspective before. You know, usually it’s all about the pregnant woman. Kudos to you, she sounds like a lucky gal πŸ˜‰

  53. Lynda says:

    I think you will just have a bunch of new freak outs to endure after the baby is born.

  54. Lynda says:

    I just mean all the freak out things fathers seem to go through. LOL

  55. egan says:

    Michi – hey thanks for such a nice comment. Dad’s have anxiety about parenthood too. It’s a welcome change, but a phase of our life is over. My wife and I will adjust alright.
    Lynda – I feel you. Tim, another parent, mentioned that same point. It will be something else to freak out about, but yeah… they won’t be over anytime soon.

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