Are You _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ?

"So how far along are you?  Are you excited?" 

Alright, it has come to my attention we clearly need more adjectives when it comes to expectant parents.  Everyone ask us the same question over and over.  Are you excited?  Are you excited?  This question baffles me, it really does.  And since it humors me so much, my wife and I have created some clever ways to respond to this question.

So tell me, are you excited about the baby?

  1. Nope, we are not excited seeing as my wife got knocked up by a bellhop in California.
  2. It was either have the child or an abortion, so sure… we’re excited.
  3. Yes, so excited I’m quitting my job and never working again. 
  4. Well, I did have a vasectomy last year so…. hmmm.
  5. Excited?  Yes, yet I do wish I knew how many other kids I have.
  6. Fuck, will I ever be able to blog again?

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, it’s time for a new words.  EXCITED.  Great for many things, but also damn vague in the way "interesting" can be.  We’ve got to find something more descriptive of how one might feel about looming parenthood.  Excited isn’t the only word out there.  Please people, let’s create new word.  No reasonable suggestions will be mocked. 

*Note: This isn’t an official baby contest for those interested parties.

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About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
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58 Responses to Are You _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ?

  1. Lynn says:

    Would it be better if they asked…”How excited are you?”, or ” How pleased you must be!”, or “How terrified are you?”, “Are you out of your mind?” These are just some quickly thought of alternative questions. If you let me know if you prefer one over the other, I promise to ask it of the next expectant person I meet:~)

  2. Lynn says:

    OMG…I was actually first. Evidently everyone else is giving the matter more careful consideration.

  3. brandy says:

    “Over the moon?” no… that sounds like your wife should be wearing a poodle skirt and that you guys met at a sock hop. I’ll keep thinking, in the meantime, #1 is my favourite.

  4. egan says:

    Lynn – I love your thought process on this. Yes, your questions would be much better than the standard “are you excited?”. I want to yawn each time it’s asked. Terrified is a great way to put it. As always, thanks for your contribution.
    Lynn – you did it, first comment. Hats off to you.
    Brandy – okay, keep thinking about it and get back to me. “over the moon” is a funny expression. Do you happen to say “golly gee willickers”? Just asking.

  5. Airam says:

    Are you shitting yourself?
    Are you broke yet?
    Are you lying? You sure that’s not just a beer belly?

  6. QofS says:

    Are you…um….are you…PETRIFIED of being responsible for such a small, fragile, life?
    Good luck with that.

  7. Amanda says:

    “Are you scared shitless yet?”
    That’s my favorite question to ask expectant parents. I ask it at month 3 or so and then again at month 8. The difference in the responses I receive is quite funny.
    And #2, #5 & #6 are pretty much classic responses. I would love to see someones face if someone responded to their lameass question with one of those. Especially #2…since it’s kind of touching on a taboo subject. People would get all flustered and oh, the hilarity that would ensue.

  8. patches says:

    Well, if there isn’t a prize then, I’m not playin’.

  9. patches says:

    I changed my mind. Maybe they should just give the head tilt and knowing nod as they say “Your life as you know it will never be the same”. But hey have to use the proper tone of voice or…it just sounds like a threat.

  10. L says:

    I say draw a picture. It’s worth, like, a thousand words.

  11. egan says:

    Airam – I like the beer belly question. We saw a $50 t-shirt this weekend that said “I’m not fat, just pregnant”. I liked that one, but not the price tag.
    QofS – the stomach does become petrified in a sense. I wish my belly were that hard. I better leave it at that.
    Amanda – I see you have some practice in this arena. You should like a shrink or something with your analysis. Nothing stops a conversation more than mention of abortion. See!
    Patches – whiskers up!
    Patches – I knew you’d come around. That could be very threatening if said in a persuasive tone. I’m already scared and I’m not the one with child.
    L – nice one, Bazooza Joe or fortune cookie? Mabye ABC After School Special?

  12. That is such a totally stupid question, I got that alot.
    Another thing to never ask a preggers woman who is in her first trimester “how ARE you feeling?” because 9 times out of 10, we feel like CRAP. “can’t you tell by the green look on my face” was always my response.
    All those questions made me very very tired and like I wanted to never go anywhere.

  13. meno says:

    Excited? no.
    Terrified, happy, scared, wondering what the hell we’re in for, naseous, gaseous, annoyed, sleepless, uncomfortable, worried….and so on. YES!
    How about responding with “I’ll be excited as soon as i find out who the father is.”

  14. The question I hated the most was “what are you having?” A BABY, are you blind??
    Yeah, I was one of very few humans left on Earth who decided to wait until my child was born before finding out the gender.

  15. egan says:

    steppingoverthejunk – clearly some people don’t get it. I know some really are trying to ask about feelings, but there are good and bad ways to phrase these questions. BAD: “how’s the weight?”
    Meno – that response of yours is on the short list. I knew I could count on you for some good witty retorts.
    Chaos Control – hello and welcome to my blog. We know the sex of our child, but I can imagine it must suck if you don’t know it. So many questions about why you don’t know it. Keep in mind, to each their own. Nobody is bad or good for learning the sex, naming their kid ahead of time, bottle feeding etc. It’s an very interesting time.

  16. brandy says:

    I only say “golly gee willickers” when my jalopy breaks down.

  17. Kale Rae says:

    I’d say “I’m actually bored by it all but science has figured out a way to send the baby back”
    (of course said dripping in sarcasm)

  18. Chris says:

    Egan, have you had any sympathy morning sickness?
    Oh! Have you starting practicing changing diapers on each other?
    Hve you got the name of a good mohel (pronounced moyle)?
    So, have you two been “doing it” throughout the pregnancy?

  19. Monkeydragon says:

    Are you insane?
    Are you thinking damn, how did that happen and now how do we get it out?
    Are you thinking, there goes the new carpet?
    Are you thinking, in just 13 short years it will talk back too?
    Are you thinking, yeah – but we are going to be way better parents than so-and-so . . . ?
    Are you thinking, why does everyone feel that they can tell me their birthing story?

  20. churlita says:

    In just 13 short years it will talk back too? Try in two short years, it will talk back too.

  21. Amanda says:

    HA! Only in my inner monologue all this occurs. Unfortunately, I would never have the guts to really say any of those things in real life. As much as I love to imagine making people uber uncomfortable, I usually wimp out. And yeah, that topic is a big convo stopper. Anytime someone brings up that topic to me, I usually shut it down, stat.
    I really do ask the “are you scared” question, though. Only because I’m curious. Kind of making mental notes for future reference. You know?

  22. Are you nervous about screening boyfriends?
    Are you scared about taking her to Disneyland/world for the first time?
    Are you stocking up on your sleep?
    How about teaching her to drive and parallel park?

  23. mez says:

    okay, truth – people who are asking these questions don’t really know what else to say. I’ve asked it many a time and quite frankly I know that sure they’re excited ..but the truth is the question I really want to ask usually gets horrified responses.
    “Are you afraid that every waking moment will be taken up with baby and that you will totally lose a sense of yourself and you both as a couple because everything you think, say and do will be about “baby” and that you will be parents then rather than just lovers?
    Yes, it’s true, that’s what I really want to ask when I ask ‘are you excited?’. It’s what I really want to know.

  24. Cheryl says:

    Have they started touching her stomach uninvited yet? I swear, that annoys me.

  25. Cake-Lady says:

    I think this all goes back to that dream you had the other night. Of course you are “excited” and probably eager and scared too. People just want to share in your joy. I vote to just imbrace it. Sorry, I was one of those women who encouraged people to lay hands on my belly because I thought I was mother of all life and wanted everyone to experience it.

  26. Cake-Lady says:

    I think this all goes back to that dream you had the other night. Of course you are “excited” and probably eager and scared too. People just want to share in your joy. I vote to just imbrace it. Sorry, I was one of those women who encouraged people to lay hands on my belly because I thought I was mother of all life and wanted everyone to experience it.

  27. LeiselB says:

    Is she soooo stoked to feel like an eighteen wheeler is passing through her vagina while her hip bones split apart to make way? Yeahh..I thought so.
    AUGH! 😉

  28. CS says:

    Are you scared senseless? Do you awaken in a cold sweat thinking about the changes ahead? Do you find yourself staring at people with newborns and imagine your own daughter in your arms? Are you proud of yourself beyond reason? Are you secretly convinced that no other two people in the world could produced such an amazing child-to-be?
    Those are just a few to start with!

  29. Hannelie says:

    Are you …. the father? he he, just teasing you Egan!
    But … I agree, why oh why do we ask those questions?
    I always like to just say, “wow, what fun or what an opportunity” because I truly belief my parenting experience is fun and I learn so much every day!
    What about “Are we .. there yet?” Wait for the overdue days? Ahgggggg!

  30. patches says:

    Are theses questions from friends, strangers or acquaintances? The rules are different for all three.
    Friends know you really well and duh, of course you’re excited, nervous traumatized, and emotional. The will ask if you excited to avoid talking about gas, hemorrhoids and why you have to find a toilet every six minutes.
    Strangers see a bump on your belly and the feel like is an invitation to strike up a conversations. However theses are also the same people who wouldn’t say a damn thing if sans belly you walked out of the stall dragging six feet toilet paper on the heel of your shoe.
    Acquaintances are trying to maintain their delicate balance in the foodchain, by not probing too deeply. They want to show genuine interest, without getting all up in your grill, so the usually stick to the land of safe, but ridiculous questions.

  31. tori says:

    You know what I think it is about the question? I think it is just so repetitive. People all ask the same thing, and every time, the person asking thinks it is such an original question. It’s like when it is cold out and people say “Is it cold enough for you?” and I never have any idea what to say to that. I think people just want to acknowledge that you are having a baby and just don’t know what else to say.
    Maybe if people just asked how you were feeling about having a baby (if they honestly wanted to know) that would be better than just assigning you a feeling.

  32. Rachel says:

    Holy crap! How many watermelon seeds did you eat???

  33. Curare_Z says:

    Oh, I remember those questions. By the end, I would often respond, with just a “No.” And look at the question answer. As the “pregnant pause” became larger, they just moved onto another subject. 🙂 Easier for your wife to pull off than you, probably.
    But, just wait. You’ll be tired of the noun “sleep” next:
    Is she sleeping yet?
    Is she a good sleeper?
    Are you sleeping?
    Does your wife sleep?
    YAWN.

  34. Curare_Z says:

    question “asker” not “answer.” Sorry. I did NOT get enough sleep last night…. 😉

  35. furiousball says:

    I like to ask expectant parents this way
    “Are you shitting yourself?”
    It’s more on the money.

  36. naynayfazz says:

    That is a pretty dumb question now that you brought it up. I can relate because so many people kept asking me “Are you nervous?” when it came to my wedding. And I mean EVERYONE. I kept thinking, “Why, should I be? Is Nestor going to beat me once the ring is on?”
    Your answers were funny! The abortion one was so bad but oh so good. 🙂

  37. naynayfazz says:

    Oh and about a word to use.. hmmm… what about zoinked.
    “Ya know, I am completely zoinked about having a baby.”
    Then you can follow it up with a weird, very loud “WAY-OW” noise!

  38. *pixie* says:

    Top 3 questions (in order):
    When are you due? (Or how far along…?)
    What are you having?
    What are you naming him/her?
    The third one brought out the asshole in me since we weren’t telling any one. I always felt snobby when they got to that question, but didn’t care as I never broke down and told.

  39. kris says:

    We are simply EFFERVESCENT! would be my reply. But then again, I would be talking about adopting a new cat, so that might be different.
    I hate when people ask inane questions. Like when hostages are released, and news folk ask, “How does it feel to be home?” How do you think it feels asshat? It’s ok, but I did prefer the food in captivity . . .

  40. Stephanie says:

    Stoked. I’m going to start asking pregnant peeps if they are stoked to have a bun in the oven. And if people ask if you are excited be like “yeah! I’m so stoked man!” then down a whole can of bud light and burp in their faces.
    STOKED!
    I would tell you how one of my cousins refered to having children, but it’s a little lewd to tell expecting parents. I’ll save it for when you’re done….
    🙂

  41. Stephanie says:

    Are you done yet?

  42. Burr-ee-toe says:

    I couldn’t come up with a good response for this. I sent you pictures to make up for my lack of originality.

  43. Lynda says:

    Main Entry: excited
    Part of Speech: adjective
    Definition: emotional
    Synonyms: aflame, agitated, animated, annoyed, aroused, awakened, beside oneself*, charged, delighted, discomposed, disconcerted, disturbed, eager, enthusiastic, feverish, fired up*, frantic, high*, hopped up, horny, hot*, hyper, hysterical, inflamed, inspired, juiced up*, jumpy*, keyed up*, moved, nervous, on edge*, on fire*, overwrought, passionate, piqued, provoked, roused, ruffled, steamed up*, stimulated, stirred, thrilled, tumultuous, upset, weird, wild, worked up
    Antonyms: bored, comatose, composed, easygoing, laid-back, sedate, tranquil, unexcited
    Source: Roget’s New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.3.1)
    Copyright © 2007 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.

    * = informal or slang
    Are you ablazed?
    Are you hysterical?
    Are you fired up?
    Are you horny? (Well, I am guessing that got you to where you are now….)
    You’re not comatose, are you?

  44. Amy says:

    So tell me, how exactly did this happen? Don’t leave out a single detail.
    Will you be doing a paternity test?
    Are you keeping the child?
    Would you consider selling your baby on the black market if the price was right?
    Did you at any point think to yourselves what the hell have we done?

  45. egan says:

    Brandy – I couldn’t resist the “golly gee willickers” jab. Jalopy is one my most favorite words.
    Kale Rae – that’s not a bad idea and I can pull off the sarcasm bit. I’ve got 11 more weeks to hammer this out.
    Chris – those are fantastic questions. The sex one is just about as intrusive as some strangers ask. It’s quite interesting where some draw the line.
    Monkeydragon – yes, those are all excellent questions. The birthing story, oh no… I’ve heard them all. Our buddy told my wife last night to use the drugs no matter what. Gotta love a dude saying that.
    Churlita – I’m sure you have a point there. I think Monkeydragon was talking about the fun teenage years and their challenges.
    Amanda – I think the “are you scared” question is very fair. I think it’s hard not to answer it honestly too.
    Malnurtured Snay – parallel parking is a tough skill to master. Many adults can’t even do it, but that would be a good question to pose.
    Mez – I love your response to this. It’s your ability to speak your mind Mez so freely that makes you so great. I’m sure my life is going to change, but my wife and I plan to still have date nights and our own interests such as triathlons and blogging.
    You raise a great question here though, some parents are all about their kids and some are able to maintain more balance. Either way someone is going to have something bad to say about it. And this is what I’ve learned about parenthood, everyone has an opinion. Thanks for your wicked good comment.
    Cheryl – the only tummy touchers are close friends so it has been okay. Yes, a huge pet peeve though.
    Cake Lady – I’m sure they want to share in our joy, but think about the question that’s being asked. It doesn’t take much to rework the question where it sounds more thoughtful than “are you excited?”. That’s a cop out. Even “have you thought of a name yet?” is better if you ask me. are you excited is like asking a contestant on Survivor if they want to win the million dollars.
    LeiselB – now that’s one way to phrase it. If someone ever said that, I fear punches would be thrown.
    CS – see, look at those great questions. I know you’re a parent so it makes a difference, but it doesn’t take much to learn. I don’t ask dog owners “does s/he bark?”. I’m not even sure anyone has asked those questions you posed.
    Hannelie – I guess it all comes down to the fact I’m sick and tired of answering the same question from so many people. I want to say “please try again”, but I’m not that rude.. yet.
    Patches – you raise some great points here. There are differences between the groups. I still think a stranger asking that question is still way off base. Think about it “are you excited?”. What the hell is being asked? It’s not a benign question like “how’s it going?”. Man are you ever right about the toilet paper on the shoe thing. I knew there’s a reason I enjoy your comments so much.
    Tori – you nailed it. It’s so repetitive and I have no gracious way to respond anymore. I tend to look away and say “yep” and leave it at that. An honest “how are you two adjusting?” would be much better in my book since it’s more open ended.
    Rachel – I love it. Watermelons are a favorite in our household so maybe there’s some truth to your question.
    Curare_Z – I bet you’ve heard them all by now. Yeah, the sleep one is going to get to me, but I suppose it’s good people are interested. Yawn is right or were you yawning for real?
    Curare_Z – I feel you.
    Furiousball – that’s a solid question and cuts to the chase. I like frank.
    Naynayfazz – oh yeah, I remember that one too. I think some folks just have a fatalistic outlook on life so they assume the worst. Nervous at wedding, not excited about a child, the weather is never good enough… you get the point.
    Naynayfazz – did you watch a lot of Scooby Doo as a child?
    *pixie* – and it’s good you stick to your guns on that one. We’ve shared the name, but to each their own. We’ve already been lectured about sharing it, learning the sex, cloth vs. disposible, and many others… and the baby isn’t even here yet.
    Kris – hey, how are you? That’s a solid example there about the hostages. People get lazy and don’t want to put any effort into their questions. “Blindfolds and gags rule!”
    Stephanie – I’m a big man, I can take your story. Share! Stoked is such a great word, more West Coast than Chicago though.
    Stephanie – is that the question?
    Burr-ee-toe – thanks for the naked guy pictures. No really, thanks. I will be using these later on.
    Lynda – horny? Let’s not go there. Wow, I would never think to substitute excited with hysterical. Makes one sound delusional.
    Amy – I like these suggestions especially the paternity and selling it on the black market. Of course now that I’ve admitted this I’m probably going to have my name added to some government watch list.

  46. sprizee says:

    Have you checked out Amy Winehouse yet or what?

  47. sprizee says:

    P.S. Are you spudgered?

  48. egan says:

    Sprizee – somebody else, Open Book in my blogroll, was suggesting her too. Now I feel obligated to learn more about her teachings.

  49. Kerry says:

    This is exactly why I like to keep these things quiet for as long as I can… I hate the darn questions. Every person that sees you must ask a stupid question.

  50. Burr-ee-toe says:

    hahaha. Yeah, they are very fun and interesting pictures. SF is like a different country and that’s why I love it.

  51. jungle jane says:

    how about “are you crapping your panties?” thats what i usually ask, anyhow. It makes me laugh because when they say “no” i think of all that baby poo in store for them and think they should probably get some practise in.

  52. Jennifer says:

    There are some life moments that just beg for redundancy, because everyone you see has yet to have their say or ask their question, which can’t help but be identical to the one Aunt Edna posed just three hours ago. Weddings. Engagements. Funerals. Pregnancies. Births. Graduations.
    Think about it.
    I’d just ask this, maybe:
    So, how annoyed are you by all the stupid questions and people who can’t keep their hands off your wife’s belly yet?
    or:
    What are your qualifications for fatherhood exactly (asked whilst pulling my steno pad from the back pocket for note taking accuracy).
    or:
    Who’s running the birth date betting pool, again?
    or:
    how about:
    ARE YOU EXCITED??!?!!!??
    🙂

  53. Amanda says:

    Wait, wait, wait. I think I just figured something out.
    You’re having a baby?
    Fuck.
    All this time I thought you were talking about something else! Holy shit! Now I have to go back and read a couple months worth of archives to see where I went wrong!
    My bad.

  54. Tim says:

    blogging before, during and after having a baby is a tricky thing. It’s all you care about, it’s all you write about. It took me a while to want to write about anything besides her.

  55. Good for Me says:

    i’ve been so absent! arg!
    how about ‘stoked’? a good surfer substitute.
    but wait, i just read through some other comments and that was suggested.
    the english language is so bland. in greek there are what, more than 4 words that describe love? i think you’re right, we need a Webster’s expansion.

  56. egan says:

    Sprizee – you’ll be happy to know I heard Amy Winehouse today on my radio station, the one you hate. Yep, it brought a smile to my face. She was good.
    Sprizee – you and your Mac talk make me so hot.
    Kerry – but I thought there was no such thing as a stupid question. Is that a myth?
    Burr-ee-toe – is it really that different? I guess it feels like a smaller NYC to me. Seattle is pretty weird so the bizarre stuff hasn’t really fazed me. I love the photos.
    Jungle Jane – you always know just the right thing to say. You’re a real sweetheart.
    Jennifer – it really is about the redundancy of such a lame question. It makes no sense why someone would ask it.
    Amanda – yes, you’re on the money. My wife is pregnant with our first child. The baby will be a little girl named Anna Elizabeth. You all caught up now?
    Tim – I imagine it will be tough because it’s always on your mind. Now you can blog about hot tv anchors and how fast they run, while pregnant.
    Good for Me – stoked isn’t a bad alternative. It was already suggested, but I like it. In fact, it’s hella cool. The English language can be kind of boring at times.

  57. Jennifer says:

    I think the sense is in the fact that it’s a common emotion, to be excited about a baby. It just comes out. You know?
    “Gobsmacked” is the adjective I used most often back in my own pregnancy days.

  58. Nessa says:

    I like your answers. It was like reading a MADD libs article.

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