36 Months, You’re Crazy

I spent a couple hours Thursday watching someone’s YouTube video. Needless to say I have the song American Music by the Violent Femmes stuck in my head. I want to do the right thing and parody the video, but I’m not sure that’s a wise idea or not as I believe in karma.
—————
We have visitors coming for the baby shower weekend which is now upon us. My mother-in-law arrives Friday morning from Chicago and my wife’s friend from New Jersey arrives Friday evening. This weekend is going to fly by in a good way, leaving us with nine full weekends. Once the guests leave on Monday it will be time to convert the guest room into Anna’s nursery. Wow, I used her name on my blog. It’s still a bit surreal that I will be a parent very soon.
————–
My wife and I can be a bit impulsive. While watching shitty reruns on TV Thursday night we both saw an ad for brownies. Five minutes later I was out the door food shopping (enjoy Brookem) for brownies and vanilla ice cream. It was a delicious snack alright. Thank you TV.
————–
A certain blogger pointed out a really cool thing about the baby name we’ve chosen for our daughter. I’m kind of embarrassed to admit we didn’t notice this first. You know my first name, but you don’t know my wife’s. For the sake of this story, we’ll call her Nalgene. If you combine the last two letters of my name and the first two of my wife’s, you get Anna. egAN NAlgene –> I’m not exactly sure why I think it’s so cool, but it is. Anna is a derivative of my wife’s great grandmother’s name, Anastasia. Bloggers are so smart.
————–
Some dude rang our doorbell at 9:05pm Thursday night. Being naturally curious and unable to resist anything that makes noise (phones, doorbells, neck massagers, and passing cars) I answer our front door cautiously. Technically I could have ignored it or torn the sales rep a new one for coming by so late. Who the hell is ringing doorbells after 8:00pm? He was about 20-22 years old and wanted to offer us some sweet deal involving a home security system. The little bugger was a tad too persistent and here’s the big catch to the “free” installation and equipment… I’d have to keep a sign in my front yard for 36 months stating I’m a slave to GE. Yes, that’s right 36 months.

What were you doing three years ago I ask? I was never seriously considering this offer since the guy had horrible breath, showed up at my house at 9pm, and was hocking GE home alarms. I’m sorry, but I’m not about to tell someone at my door whether or not I have a home security system. If I was to put a sign in my yard for 36 months it would like say something like:

1. Scoop your poop yo!
2. Official Milli Vanilli Fan Club
3. Owner has an unhealthy relationship with g-strings.
4. Private eyes… are watching you, they see your every move.
5. My mom loves me, this I know!
6. Monkey Boy for hire.

And on that note, have a wicked good weekend everyone!

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About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Current Affairs, Food and Drink, Games. Bookmark the permalink.

62 Responses to 36 Months, You’re Crazy

  1. jungle jane says:

    yay!!! I’m second!!

  2. tori says:

    I have been known to make birthday cakes for made up people when we crave cake, so I totally understand the brownie thing.
    I think that is cool that your daughter’s name is going to be a combination of both your names.
    Horrible breath is a terrible downfall for door to door salesmen!
    Milli Vanilli rocked! I have nothing more to say about that part. My neighbors have a sign with a picture of a dog pooping with a big red x over it. Very classy. Maybe that sign would be cool for you.
    Have a great weekend!

  3. tori says:

    Isn’t jungle jane first, not second?

  4. Amanda says:

    Wow…an all over post. I know you have them occasionally, but you haven’t for awhile! Makes it hard to pick what to comment on…(hmmm…things start making sense with my own blog…)
    Anyway you know my thoughts about your visitors (or you will once you get to work and read your e-mails). Good luck with the baby shower! I can’t wait to hear about all the fun games and presents. Does this mean it’s too late for the virtual baby shower? Shucks.
    You better have not watched that video anymore after you got home last night. I understand your fear of doing the parody. Even though it would be pretty hilarious.
    Sign #3 is classic and people who ring the doorbell any time of the day suck.

  5. mez says:

    1. Scoop your poop yo!
    yes, just yes! I saw this princess walking down the street the other day whose gigantic dog did a poo but did the girl stop and scoop it? Hell no! Lady just kept walking and actually flipped her hair. UGH!

  6. brandy says:

    Though Milli Vanilli rocked it, I’m now thinking I need a “Vanilla Ice” fan club sign. Man. I bet I could make a killing if I went into lawn sign tributes for old school bands. A killing, I tell you! As for your baby shower, good luck, have fun and eat some cake for me.

  7. patches says:

    Forget fan clubs and forget teaching. You could be an entrepreneur and open up a Mili Vanilli Vanilla Ice Snow Cone booth, and operate it from your front yard. Snow cones are totally artificial so it wouldn’t be false advertising or nothin’…

  8. Lynn says:

    Can’t wait to hear what you and the Missus…I mean Anna..gets at the shower. I never open the door to strangers. I figure that I need to model safe behavior for my kids, and I certainly don’t want them to open the door to strangers. 9 weeks…it’s getting even more exciting now!

  9. naynayfazz says:

    Yeah, I wouldn’t like someone coming to my house that late selling me anything. Creepy….
    Oh, and I love the name Anna. Very pretty.

  10. naynayfazz says:

    BTW, where have you been? Do you not like me anymore? I know you are popular and all but come on!
    (pouting and sighing)

  11. Amanda says:

    Oh. My. God. There is another Vanilla Ice fan in the house! Brandy…you are my hero. I will tell you that I would kill for a Vanilla Ice fan club sign. Kick ass!

  12. tori says:

    My kids think Vanilla Ice is funny. I stopped short of letting my 7 year old son get the razor stripe things in his side burns though. Some things are not meant to come back.

  13. brandy says:

    Amanda, how excited am I that I found the other Vanilla Ice fan left in this great big world? See, this is what blogging is about. Bringing people together. Man. It’s going to be a great day.

  14. Cherry Ride says:

    Wow, more guests? I feel for you.

  15. furiousball says:

    The Hold Steady do a great cover of American Music – highly recommended.

  16. brookem says:

    you went food shopping! i couldn’t be more proud of your usage of that, AND, the wicked’s you’re throwing in here and there. your skills impress me.
    i love the baby name, and also your grandmother’s name! how pretty. best of luck this weekend with the out of town guests. im sure we’ll chat more about this.
    like the picture.

  17. Cake Lady says:

    I love this one and might just have to steal it!
    4. Private eyes… are watching you, they see your every move.

  18. brookem says:

    oh, and i got teary when you mentioned anna’s name. maybe it’s one of those days, but i just found it so…. touching.

  19. Curare_Z says:

    You might be on to something Egan….have you considered naming your daughter Nalgene? I mean, Anna’s pretty and the connection to your wife’s great-gradmother’s name is sweet and all, but Nalgene…wow. That’s a real stand out name.

  20. Brooke says:

    I like Egna. Name her Egna!
    And now I will sing. And dance. Run for cover.

  21. justrun says:

    That is wicked cool about your baby name! I now officially forgive you for stealing my baby name. Yes, the name of a kid I don’t yet see in my future. But still. πŸ™‚
    Also… I don’t answer my door at night but if it were someone with horrible breath you could bet I would not become a customer. Unless they were selling ice cream because ice cream over rides just about everything bad.

  22. Gwen says:

    Doesn’t Nalgene make the great bottles for camping/hiking/outdoorsing? Man, your wife has a kick ass name!
    πŸ™‚

  23. Brother#3 says:

    Mom does love you- you’re probably her second most favorite child…;-)

  24. egan says:

    Jungle Jane – I love this comment more than I probably should. Well done.
    Tori – a cake seems to take so long though. Maybe not. I guess we waited about 45 minutes from the time we saw the ad to brownie and ice cream in mouth. I want the dog poop sign, much better than an advertisement for GE. Girl, you know it’s true. I love you!
    Tori – Jungle Jane is a sneaky woman. Watch out!
    Amanda – I’m prone to doing a rambling post from time to time. Nope, it’s not too late for the virtual baby shower. I haven’t watched that video yet today, but I still have the song stuck in my head.
    Mez – why oh why do they think that’s okay? I so want to bag the poop and smear it on their porch.
    Brandy – ha, if you love Vanilla Ice, you must also love Snow. Yes, that Canadian dude who looked almost identical by Vanilla Ice. Thanks for the business idea.
    Patches – this is why I like you, you’re always thinking. Snow cones, so good and so delicious. I always wanted a Snoopy Snowcone machine.
    Lynn – I think I’m going to start your policy. I think it’s really poor form to ring doorbells at all. We’ve had some crime in our ‘hood so the cops suggest answering the door so if someone is casing your home, they will know you’re home.
    Naynayfazz – I’m going to stop answering the door soon. I think I will talk through the door from now on.
    Naynayfazz – ha, you don’t mean that seriously do you? I’ve been a tad bit busy is all. I feel bad about not hitting the usual haunts as regularly as I’d like.
    Amanda – trust me, there are plenty of Vanilla Ice fans. His one hit song was the shiznit. You couldn’t not love the guy (nice double negative yo).
    Tori – I’m so glad you didn’t go through with the haircuts. That would have been tragic and sort of comical.
    Brandy – you crack me up woman. I love the tone of this comment.
    Cherry Ride – yeah, I don’t mind too much. It might cramp my blogging style though.
    Furiousball – should I know that band you mentioned?
    Brookem – I do what I can to impress you. Now that I’ve got you signed up for a triathlon, game on. I get to mentor someone in something other than French. Lucky me. Just don’t confuse me and “Hefty”. Gnome sane?
    Cake Lady – isn’t there some clapping on that song? Gotta to love Hall & Oates. Yummy.
    Brookem – teary eyes eh? I’m glad you like the name. You’ve heard it before right?
    Curare_Z – we could do that and perhaps get an unlimited supply of water bottles and water purification tools. Hmmm… I like this idea very much.

  25. egan says:

    Brooke – I’m not sure about Egna since it sounds a lot like “smegma” and who wants that? Now, go dance for me and make sure to record it for the masses.
    Justrun – the baby name thing wasn’t even something we realized until a few weeks ago. So bizarre. I think it’s wise not to answer the door at night. Ice cream is good and makes for great breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
    Gwen – yes, they make the indestructible bottles. Did you know they stole her name for their company though? Talk about cool and hello lawsuit.
    Brother #3 – now you didn’t have to rub it in did you? Thanks, I always had to compete with you. Ugh, how’s life?

  26. brookem says:

    oh of course ive heard the name! i just thought it was sweet that it made a debut in a post, so kind of, nonchallantly. i think that’s what i mean. i just liked it.

  27. egan says:

    Brookem – I see and that makes perfect sense. It just kind of rolled off the tongue.

  28. naynayfazz says:

    No, I was joking. I mean, yes, I miss you and your humor over at my “place” but the way I wrote it was in total jest. ESPECIALLY when I wrote you were popular and then the sighing and pouting. That was me being silly, as usual.

  29. Chris says:

    Call me paranoid, but a 20 something year old pushing security systems at 8 pm….was he scoping the place?
    This is the genuine human touch that occurs in bloggerville ever now and again…” it will be time to convert the guest room into Anna’s nursery. Wow, I used her name on my blog. It’s still a bit surreal that I will be a parent very soon.” OUTSTANDING!

  30. Amy says:

    Only an athlete would come up with Nalgene as a fake name for his wife. Good choice…flattering really. I think of my Nalgene bottle as an attractive and durable vessel full of refreshment.

  31. Nessa says:

    I love your daughter’s name and I too think it’s cool that it is half you and half your wife.
    The sign on my front lawn would say, “Slow down asshole.”

  32. furiousball says:

    egan – yes you should, they rule

  33. egan says:

    naynayfazz – okay, just had to make sure you were flipping me shit. That was my assumption, but I had to make sure. A cat post on your blog? You’re testing me aren’t you?
    Chris – I was very cautious with this guy because we’ve had a rash of problems in our ‘hood. I kept a close watch on his eyes, got his badge number, asked lots of questions, and other stuff to make sure he was legit. I was about to tell him off in a mean way, but I couldn’t do it. He’s got enough people being mean to him so I cut him some slack. The blogger connection sure does rule.
    Amy – ha, way to call me out on that. I had trouble hiding my wife’s name with anything else. I think the picture is clear, but I love you calling me out on this.
    Nessa – yeah, half mine and half hers. I’m so glad our names aren’t Dick and Funa. Slow down is right. Do you have one of those wickedly ugly fluorescent green people with a flag? (preparing to put foot in mouth)
    Furiousball – Okay, I will learn about them because me loves a good cover band like I love a good Paris Hilton story.

  34. L says:

    I am overwhelmed by the number of categories this post qualifies for. And the Anna combo name thing is really cool.

  35. egan says:

    L – I thought about the category thing. I think it’s time for a new one “mushy mind”. Yes, the Anna name thing is cool and something we completely overlooked somehow.

  36. naynayfazz says:

    “flipping me shit”– I like that. However, I will never throw cat shit at you.

  37. Amanda says:

    Shiznit. I have to remember to teach Grandma that this weekend. I forgot today when I stopped by to see her before coming home.

  38. Leiselb says:

    very…verryy…..humorous….;)

  39. celeste says:

    Anna’s a beautiful name. Excellent choice!!!

  40. sprizee says:

    ALSO, it’s a palindrome. Sorry, I didn’t finish reading the rest of the post because I got so excited about being able to spell her name forwards AND backwards and no one ever being the wiser. Bonus, it sounds nicer than bird rib.

  41. nessa says:

    “Do you have one of those wickedly ugly fluorescent green people with a flag?”
    I’m being dense. What is that?

  42. Kale Rae says:

    is this where I admit to at one point in my life maybe wanting to join a Milli Vanilli fan club? (also Vanilla Ice, Bryan Adams and quite possibly New Kids on the Block…)

  43. Eunice says:

    blame it on the rain, yeah, yeah…
    hope the shower is fabulous and you get lots of cool stuff (you know, the things you’ll actually use).

  44. Airam says:

    Wow the blogger who thought of the name combo is pretty damn clever!!
    πŸ™‚

  45. egan says:

    naynayfazz – if you feel like throwing cat poop at me I will do my best to dodge it. I throw poo too so it’s all good.
    Amanda – I’m looking forward to “shiznit update”. I hope grandma gets it.
    LeiselB – I will take your word on this. Thank you for your blessing.
    Celeste – yeah, we think it should work pretty well for our daughter.
    Sprizee – Bird Rib Singes, now that’s a name I can get behind. I might have to chat with N-PO about this and get her feelings. Have fun in Oregon.
    Nessa – I spent about five minutes trying to find what I’m talking about online. I will have to give it another hunt later today.
    Kale Rae – this is precisely the time when you admit this. I want to hear all about it. Bryan Adams, where did he go?
    Eunice – I hear you on that one, stuff we can use. I have my fingers crossed.
    Airam – yes, she’s very clever and a very sexy Canadian teacher too.

  46. sandra says:

    go, baby shower weekend!!

  47. i like your sign ideas we should probably put this one out in our yard… beware of child on bike who likes to throw stones at unsuspecting dogs…

  48. PINK says:

    Have a wonderful baby shower!
    And thanks a pantload. Now I’m going to have to get dressed and get some brownies and ice cream.
    drat!
    πŸ˜‰
    xx
    pinks

  49. Tall Chick says:

    I’m catching up! Have a wonderful shower. Will you still smell like a Monkey afterward?

  50. ChickyBabe says:

    That is so cute… the baby name. And when she grows up, you’ll tell her a blogger thought of it.
    “Daddy, what’s a blogger?” she will ask…

  51. The Grunt says:

    I was offered a job selling security systems after college. The dude was all telling me how I’d make six figures and crap and his office was above a pawn shop.

  52. QofS says:

    That does it, I’m interrupting this post to make it known I have not and will not be commenting again until the creepy floaty baby is GONE! GONE I SAY!
    Creepy. Floaty. Baby.
    Continue

  53. hey — cravings are always meant to be satisfied πŸ˜‰ now, excuse me, while i go for a KFC run πŸ˜‰

  54. Jenin says:

    Argh! Damn! Now IIII want brownies. Preggo people are TOALLY allowed to have brownies for breakfast, right???

  55. Amanda says:

    Grandma didn’t get shiznit. But she thought it was funny. I had to explain to her how calling things “the shit” is the same as calling them cool or something. Then I had to explain how shiznit came about. Her roommate at the nursing home was also intrigued by this conversation, so an 87 year old (grandma) and an 85 year old (her roommate) learned a new word today.
    It’s almost shower time! Are they kicking you out of the house? Is it at your house or is someone else hosting it? I don’t think I ever asked.

  56. CS says:

    Door to door salespeople freak me out. I don’t care if it’s home security, magazines, meat off the back of their truck, or religion. I say no on principal on the rare occassions that I actually answer the door.
    You know, at some point Anna may not be all that keen about having her name being used on the blog. Seems like most parent bloggers end up using psuedonms for their kids.

  57. Carrie says:

    And now I’m craving brownies and ice cream . . . and am not even pregnant. *sigh*

  58. egan says:

    Sandra – the baby shower weekend is over now. Update to follow.
    Seattle Mamacita – oh, those little boys can be very bad. Rock throwing is evil. I think I threw rocks at cars and some dude stopped me and scared the living shit out of me.
    Nessa – I took a picture of one today. I will post it laster.
    Pinks – brownies are good so go get some and report back to me.
    Tall Chick – I will always smell like a monkey. I’m not sure what I’m agreeing to here. Welcome back friend.
    ChickyBabe – that’s a great way of looking at it. Man, what will become of bloggers?

  59. sprizee says:

    Hola Egan. Hope the baby shower went well. Greetings from PXD.

  60. egan says:

    The Grunt – really? above a pawn shop, it figures. I never tell them we don’t have a system, never.
    QofS – meow. What a wimp. It’s just a floating baby. It seems like a certain someone needs a plug-in on their computer.
    Princess Banter – hello there and welcome to my blog. KFC eh? I don’t eat their stuff much, but I made a run there for an Oscar party and was very pleasantly surprised. It was tasty. Thanks for the visit.
    Jenin – preggo people are allowed to have whatever they want when they want. Carrying a baby is not an easy feat. I won’t stop you and it would be wrong of anyone to try otherwise.
    Amanda – I’m so thrilled you tried and the explanation you offered is wicked good. Well done. The baby shower was at our friend’s house. More details to come.
    CS – door-to-door salespeople are weird and I don’t get it. I hear it’s not good to not answer though. If someone is casing your house, they will assume you’re not home and thus safe to enter.
    Okay, what’s this about the baby name? Do you know my last name? Okay, I think it’s probably safe to use her name. I have to be honest and say your comment kind of rubbed me the wrong way. To each their own with that kind of stuff. Egan is my real name so it’s all good. I know what you mean, but it still kind of bugged me. Everyone does their blog differently. So yeah… (if you somehow know my last name, please keep it to yourself) By the way, I was just spelling her name backwards.
    Carrie – hey, hello and welcome to my blog also. You’re allowed to crave sweets. Everyone is and should consume them. Yum. Thanks for the visit.
    Sprizee – PDX rocks! The shower went well and I will keep you posted.

  61. Karla says:

    I so want to be your neighbour so I can put up funny yard signs too! πŸ™‚

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