Sometimes One Feels Like a Tool

I posted a recipe on my blog yesterday for what reason?

  1. I got paid to do so by Kraft Canada?
  2. I felt obligated to post something not baby related?
  3. My mood was so-so on Tuesday?
  4. A super nifty message can be found in the recipe?
  5. Brownies make my heart flutter?
  6. I was forced to do so by a certain blogger?

Yes, truth be told it was number six.  The infamous Brandy challenged me to post a recipe on my blog to see if anyone would comment on it.  Normally I wouldn’t pull a stunt like this, but I was in a bit of a cranky mood.  I solicited my blogger bud Amy for a recipe and she provided the brownie one you see posted.  So yeah, I lost this bet because I figured nobody would waste the time commenting on a recipe, yet she predicted more than 40 comments would occur.  It was meant as a compliment from Brandy praising my "writing" style.  Anyways, I tried my best not to pad the comment number by not responding.  Don’t hate me for not responding, but I will get to them… eventually.

——————

It’s important for me to find out if I was breastfed as a child.  I’m really curious if that’s why my immune system is so rock solid to this very day.  I get the feeling I wasn’t breastfed and that I’m some sort of freak of nature.  I’ve yet to determine this.  I will call my mom to confirm. 

Last night I learned how to swaddle a kid and how to make faces at humans during our parenting class.  I also learned it’s not a wise idea to guzzle a can of Vanilla Coke before class because it leads to awkward noises in the belly and throat.  Trust me on that one.   I did tattle tale on our horrible instructor from last week’s infant cpr class we took.  Yes, that’s how I roll.  I like to submit feedback when it’s warranted.

——————-

Last week I asked readers to submit questions for use on a future post.  Since not everyone got the chance to read the post before I started recording… here’s your chance to do it again.  Ask anything you want and I just might* answer it.  Stay tuned for the video answers.  I may do a Fully Klothed Thursday post again tomorrow in case you’re one of those interested types, if I don’t fall asleep on the basement couch with the laptop resting on me belly.

*might = no chance in hell.

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About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
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55 Responses to Sometimes One Feels Like a Tool

  1. brookem says:

    swaddle! amanda knows all about this as do i with my teddy bear. because that’s how THIS ONE rolls. swaddling teddy bears. or kittens. when the time comes. someday. hopefully soon. damnit.
    i think i must have been breastfed. actually i know this for a fact. which must (id have to assume) correlate to why im such a milk nut. i just crave it all of the time.
    im going to think of some new questions, oh popular one with 40+ comments for a recipe post.
    yum.

  2. brookem says:

    oh and not to brag, but look at my spot here. uh huh, that’s right.

  3. Michelle says:

    thank God for that bet. Those brownies were AMAZING. AMMAAAAZING. Really, they made me quite happy

  4. justrun says:

    a) Of course people would comment. You are almost at the CDNW arena, like we say in “the business.” If you don’t know what CDNW is, I will tell you someday.)
    b) My question is: What do you see for my career future?
    Oh, this isn’t a psychic thing? Crap, sorry. I might (MIGHT) have been a little influenced by the psychic I saw on t.v. today. Teach me to come home early from work.
    c) I have a super-strength immune system and I wasn’t breast fed. Please keep me updated as to whether or not you were. This is so interesting.

  5. brookem says:

    1- what job could you never picture yourself doing?
    2- when’s the right time to disclose to a partner that you’re transgender? (not for personal reasons of course, but there is a special on msnbc right now, and i’d like your thoughts on the matter.)
    3- who is your favorite actor/actress?

  6. brandy says:

    Oh being right makes me so happy. And I won’t say “I told you so”, because well, it’s annoying when people say it. I will say, being right makes me happier than hugs from elderly relatives or baby pandas. I’m kidding. Baby pandas make me happier.

  7. brandy says:

    Okay I forgot my questions. Here you go:
    1. Which animal would you rather fight with your bare hands: a bobcat, or a really angry Barbra Walters?
    2. Favourite condiment?
    3. Biggest regret (other than accepting our bet and/or not grasping the Harry Potter greatness)?
    Congratulations on yesterdays 40+ comments. I knew you had it in you. You’re like Sally Field. People just really like you.

  8. Amanda says:

    Shit only 3 people so far. Shit.
    But 7 questions. I need to think of a question. I’ll be back….

  9. Amanda says:

    Ok, here are some questions for you to noodle.
    – If someone gave you a million dollars, but they had a stipulation saying that the only way you could take the money was if you agreed to never ever blog again, would you take the money?
    – Which cartoon is better: He-Man or Dungeons and Dragons?
    – We all know you’re “EXCITED*” to become a dad, but is there anything that you’re going to miss once it’s official? Besides obvious things like sleep and free-time – be creative with this one.
    Ok, that’s all for now. People better get on this asking questions shit. I want a video!
    What did your instructor do last week? Did you tell me and I forgot? Swaddle. I do love that word. I was breast fed, but not for very long because I’ve been sorta lactose intolerant my whole life. But I heart milk and ice cream and all kinds of dairy! I also grew up on a farm and we had cows that we milked. Yup! For about 6 years of my life we drank real, straight from the cow, milk.

  10. Amanda says:

    Oops, I forgot to include my caveat.
    *Feel free to beat me over using this word if you wish.

  11. Airam says:

    What kind of tool do you feel like? A hoe? (re: your post title)
    What’s the first book you will read to your daughter?
    If you could only eat one meal or one type of food for the rest of your life starting now, what would it be?

  12. brandy says:

    Ohh good questions Airam. I was going to think of more, but I like yours too much to add on. And since you can’t add a ‘ditto’ to questions (or can you?) I will just say ‘well done’.

  13. Pants says:

    I’m going to post a recipe on my blog later this week that is sure to make people vomit a little in their mouth.
    My aunt always thought she was breastfed and only recently found out that she is the only one of her seven siblings who was not breastfed. How terrible is that?
    Ps. I’m about to wage a full blown war with Sprint. Okay, maybe war isn’t the right term. accurate.

  14. sprizee says:

    I was breastfed exclusivly as a child and my immune system will wave anyone through including Osama Bin Laden and Valerie from 90210. So that whole theory about breastfeeding building up immunity, might just be overrated.

  15. tori says:

    I was not breastfed, and we all know how my immune system functions…
    I have two kids that were exclusively breastfed, and two that were only breastfed for about 8 weeks. All my kids except one are very healthy. The one with all the stomach problems, asthma, etc. is one of the ones that was not breastfed, but he actually was not breastfed long because he couldn’t because he was already too sick to get enough nourishment. So I am not too sure if the breastfeeding makes as huge of a difference as people lead you to believe. I am all for it, but I feel like everyone should make their own choices on what to do and not feel pressured either way.
    On to my questions…If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
    If you could have any job you wanted, and it paid well, what job would you choose?
    Do you have any lucky items? (clothing, jewelry, etc.)
    What is you favorite tv show?
    What is your favorite color?
    I think that is good for now…hopefull someone else will ask more interesting questions. I can’t think of any good ones right now.

  16. tori says:

    OK, one more…did you leave a comment on my blog as “Tom”? Because it sounded like someone was teasing me and you are pretty good at that.

  17. Amanda says:

    Did I really write “noodle” up there? HOly Fuck. I need to get a new job. STAT!

  18. Chris says:

    I have a question I’d like to see answered:
    Knowing full well now the effects of Vanilla coke, can you think of specific circustances where you may now intentionally drink a Vanilla Coke before ebarking on those particular circumstances?

  19. Mone says:

    Did you ever smoke weed?

  20. Lynn says:

    The ability to ‘swaddle’ Anna will save your life, when said darling daughter, decides to be, shall we say…somewhat fussy. My kids both loved to be swaddled. I was never breastfed…but both of my kids were. Do I get points in my immune system category for that?

  21. furiousball says:

    You’re lucky that Brandy’s penalty wasn’t to take a cigar cutter and chop off your pinky – just sayin

  22. brandy says:

    I considered it furiousball, but I figured that would slow down his typing. And besides, since my point was to prove how popular he was, I figured I shouldn’t harm his fingers, since in a way, they do all the talking. But I may use that strategy on grade 1 children who don’t finish their coloring pages on time…

  23. Churlita says:

    I was the only one of my siblings who wasn’t breastfed. I’m also the only one who doesn’t have any allergies. I like to go against the grain.
    I think strong immune systems come from living healthy and not being on antibiotics a lot as a kid.

  24. brandy says:

    Okay so I just called my mom to ask her about the breastfeeding thing. It turns out I wasn’t. I apparently didn’t care for eating a lot and would rather be sleeping and liked the bottle, so it stuck. It appears that somethings never change.

  25. I wasn’t breastfed and my immune system can keep up with the best of ’em.
    My son wasn’t breastfed either (long story on that, but I couldn’t), and he’s only had one ear infection and two colds in his 3.5 years on this planet!! And, hold on to your seat, he and are as close as any mother and son could ever be! Incredible, isn’t it??

  26. Amanda says:

    How many people have asked questions so far? I haven’t had a chance to go up and look.
    Dude, I am so fucking ready for today to be over. Just thought you might want to know.

  27. Pants says:

    I’ve decided that offices keep their bathroooms uncomfortably warm to discourage employees from sitting on the pot and playing tetris on their cell phones to avoid work.

  28. Amanda says:

    Pants, damn that is a good idea! But you’re right – it’s fucking freezing everywhere else my office except the bathroom! What the hell?

  29. Amanda says:

    I think your blog is trying to tell me something, Egan. Because every comment I have left on this post I have had to do that damn robot verifier thing. Now I feel like it’s a challenge and want to keep leaving comments.

  30. Amanda says:

    Ok, I have to make it an even 8 comments. Unevenness freaks me out.
    I think something may have snapped today…I’m worse than usual with my craziness.

  31. Amanda says:

    I WON!!! That comment didn’t make me do the robot verifier thing!!!! Woooooot!!!!!!!!!
    And now my comments are going to be uneven again. Shit.

  32. egan says:

    psssttt, Amanda… you’re out of control. Remember the good old days when TayRez would haunt my blog? I just got a flashback of her.

  33. logo™ says:

    40 comments on a Kraft recipe, you truly are loved.
    Keep tattling on the teacher, that is the BEST!
    Swaddling worked great for soothing my elder but that younger one didn’t go for it so much, at least not past the first couple weeks. He like having his arms free to pop people in the nose and such.

  34. Brother#3 says:

    Um, yes, you were breastfed…and you enjoyed beaucoup quantities of similac! and you often stole girl scout cookies during the selling season….anything else? 🙂

  35. tori says:

    Brother #3 always kills me with his comments.
    What has Amanda been drinking? She is cracking me up!

  36. tori says:

    Oh no you di-int (is that how you would spell that?) Too funny Amanda!

  37. celeste says:

    I have a question, cuz I missed out last time!
    If you could have any superpower you wanted, what would it be?

  38. *pixie* says:

    Swaddling rocks. You will get so much practice doing this in the early days of Anna’s (it’s Anna right?) life. Gideon is past that stage but he loved him some swaddling at first and Josh could wrap him like a little burrito blindfolded if he had to.

  39. egan says:

    Brookem – are you sure as an adult you want to confess to swaddling a teddy bear? Just saying. Why must you call me popular?
    Brookem – you were the first to comment. Well done grasshopper.
    Michelle – you didn’t happen to make those brownies did you? I should try to make them this weekend.
    Justrun – CDNW? Crap, I don’t that abbreviation. I will have to research this to make sure that’s a compliment. I love the question and will consider it. My older brother tells me I was breastfed. I’ve yet to get my mom to confirm this.
    Brookem – great questions once again. I want to handle one of them now. The transgender one, of course. I think it’s wise to let the partner know after the first groping of the privates has occured. Is there something you want to share with me?
    Brandy – do you love baby pandas? I have a co-worker who goes nuts about pandas. She’s got all the panda webcams around the globe bookmarked on her computer. It’s quite charming. Yes, you were right.
    Brandy – great questions, let me tackle one of them now also. One of my bigger regrets is not going overseas to study French in college. It would have been a great opportunity, but for some reason I talked myself out of it. C’est dommage!
    Amanda – yes, I get the feeling you will make up for the lack of questions very soon.
    Amanda – I know you want the video and I’m pretty likely to deliver. There are heaps of questions to answer this time around. By the way, He-Man. Dungeons & Dragons bored the shit out of me.
    The instructor in our Infant CPR class was awful. She didn’t want people to ask questions and never made eye contact with anyone. She clearly wasn’t too confident in her teaching skills which is sad for a course of such huge importance.
    Amanda – “noodle” is a very good word. It’s to my liking, especially in the context you provided.
    Airam – great questions. Let me answer the meal question here. Does ice cream count as a meal? I would go with it since I’m a lover of all things dairy. Pasta would be a close second I suppose.
    Brandy – Airam is full of great questions. She also knows I love American Music.
    Pants – based on what you’ve shared about Sprint, you should chew them a new one. This recipe of yours sound not so great, but I’m captivated. Your poor un-breastfed aunt.
    Sprizee – I happen to believe you on this. I think it’s great to breastfeed for the first few weeks, but I’m not sure that breastfeeding for 6 months vs. bottle feeding really amounts to much. Now the lactation nazis are going to come after me and I know I have zero proof for this… so be it. I bet Val from 90210 was breastfed. Why is it that I picture her chest and not her face though?
    Tori – thanks for your insight on breastfeeding. This is great information and I’m glad you don’t judge those that can’t or don’t breastfeed harshly. Okay, on to the questions… I will attack the TV one now. I love Lost, but as you know it’s not currently on so I choose Man vs. Wild. The host of the show, Bear, is so fucking cool.
    Amanda – you did type “noodle”, but I’m not sure why that means you need a new job.
    Chris – I got to find my protractor for your Vanilla Coke question. Hang on.
    Mone – ha, I can answer that one right here. Hells no! Never once even inhaled or puffed. I’m such a prude. Don’t hate me.
    Lynn – I learned all about the five letter Ss this week and one being swaddling. I want to be swaddled as an adult, is that so wrong?
    Furiousball – Brandy is quite forgiving… for a Canadian. They’re typically ballbusters, if you know what I mean.
    Brandy – thanks for treating me with kid gloves. If I couldn’t type, I’d probably have to retire or live on the streets with Punky Brewster.
    Churlita – yeah, I think breastfeeding factors in a bit, but I also think it’s importance is a bit overstated. Again, I have no backing for this belief though. I enjoy hanging out with healthy people.
    Brandy – so it sounds like you had a “failure to thrive” as they say in the hospital business. Those babies that can’t latch on to the teat are doomed for a life of blogging, all night parties, and crazy love for all things Kevin Costner.
    Chaos Central – wow, you’re lying to me aren’t you? Breastfeeding is like the fountain of youth. If you weren’t breastfed and your son wasn’t breastfed, we may need to put you in quarantine. Thanks for sharing. Bottle fed people need love too!
    Amanda – top of the mornin’ to ya!
    Pants – hot bathrooms are common since it’s been determined warm air increases the stink factor thus making it very uncomfortable to sit and shit for long periods of time. Tetris Tetris Tetris!
    Amanda – Pants is always right, duh.
    Amanda – my blog loves you. It loves you so much Robot Egan doesn’t have monitor your comments.
    Amanda – I think you need a Slim Jim™.
    Logo™ – yeah, I had to tattle on the teacher because she was dreadful. I will kick her ass out of the delivery room if she’s our doctor. You might think I’m kidding about this, but I’m not. She was that bad.
    Brother #3 – why must you make me look bad on my blog? Man, this is discouraging. You’re sure I was breastfed? I recall eating all those damn candy bars I was supposed to sell to innocent neighbors during Little League baseball. I think I may have stolen a few bucks from you here and there too. My bad.
    Tori – yes, he’s busting my chops with his accusations. Amanda has been drinking vodka out of her monogramed flask while on the job. She’s losing it I think.

  40. brookem says:

    egan, i feel fully fine about sharing how i swaddle bearface. i have no qualms about it whatsoever.
    i dont have any “confessions” so to speak, about the transgender question. the question was posed on the show i was watching, right at the same time i was thinking of your questions. so you know, i figured, why not throw that in for good measure?

  41. brookem says:

    amanda, you are making me laugh today. do you want a cocktail? ill send you one now.

  42. brandy says:

    I’m not sure how I feel about the word ‘teat’. It needs further reflection. Especially when it’s used in the same sentence as Kevin Costner.

  43. Amanda says:

    I think I need a lot of stuff. I can’t even believe I did that shit up there today. Seriously – something in my brain just snapped today and your blog got the brunt of it. It’s so…comfortable and welcoming here! I just can’t help myself. I think it’s the green background. Anyway, 3:15 could not have come any sooner for me to get the hell out of there. And I don’t have to go back there until 7/2 and then I’m only there for 2 days before another 3 days off.
    And I’m wondering how your comments are going to suffer while I’m on vacation. You better home that ne of the others are going to have to pick up the slack for me while I’m gone or that Tall Chick comes back for a spell.
    And dude, where are you?

  44. egan says:

    Celeste – I know you live in Canada, but I also know you can hear Seattle radio stations. Do you happen to listen to The Mountain? They use that exact question on their stereotype me game. Just wondering. If not, I love the question.
    *Pixie* – I performed my first doll swaddling on Monday night. It was a raging success so I can’t wait to practice on my teddy bears and then Anna. It’s one of the 5 S’s right?
    Brookem – you used a question you heard off of TV to ask me? Last week you had amazing questions, so I will overlook this one. You and your swaddling.
    Brookem – how are the cocktails flowing tonight? What’s it like to party in Boston?
    Brandy – teat is a rather polarizing word. It’s all about the timing and look on your face as it comes out of your mouth. Trust me on this one.
    Amanda – hi, I’m online for you right now. The comments will be okay while you’re gone. If I need to, I will pretend to comment as you for comedic value. That will be a last resort though.

  45. brandy says:

    I think I’m going to throw ‘teat’ out on my next first date. See how that goes. Sink or swim. Either way, I will giggle. As for the comments, I will do my best to fill in for Amanda and leave double, but we all know she’s irreplaceable.

  46. brookem says:

    i spell teat like “tit” with an accent over the “i”… roommate makes heaps of fun of me for this.
    par-taying in boston is the bomb. really. seriously.
    i had a veggie burger and three sam summers. that’s how i roll.

  47. Amanda says:

    Oh, Egan…you are a lucky, lucky man to have Brandy jump in to help with the commenting. I so plan on finding a computer on one of my “alone” days in Vegas (where my iZac goes to the sports book and I go spend money) to watch the fun ensue. 2 more days until I leave, yo!

  48. Brother #3 says:

    Trust me on this one, little bro, alzheimers be damned, most sober adults (and then there’s David Hasselhoff to throw a wrench into it) do have a vast recollection of childhood experiences; god knows why one of mine is seeing mom breast fed y’all…might need some therapy after all! FYI, Timothy Dalton sucked as James Bond.

  49. qt says:

    I would like to submit a question –
    Do you have a motto, and if so, what is it?

  50. ChickyBabe says:

    If we were to meet face to face, what would you tell me? Et ca sera en francais ou en anglais?

  51. brookem says:

    i love that brother #3 just mentioned david hasselhoff.
    per chance is b#3 single?

  52. Amanda says:

    I totally understood Chicky’s question without going to the translator!! Woot!
    Brookem!! You’re killing me!

  53. Cake Lady says:

    I am alwasys a day late and a dollar short. My Question if it’s not too late is: What’s the farthest you have ever gone on a dare?

  54. egan says:

    Brandy – the first sentence in your comment conjured up a very interesting image in my head. Amanda is a tough one to replace.
    Brookem – what’s this whole accent over the I thing? Like “tït” or “tît”? I need to know what you mean. Aw, partaying in Boston is wicked fun. My wife has told me all about this.
    Amanda – I know, you’re as addicted as I am so it will be very hard to not check on the blog happenings. Don’t feel one bit guilty about doing so either. Have fun in Vegas.
    Brother #3 – okay, I will take your word on it. Seeeing as you were five at the time I was born, I’m sure you remember it clearly. I don’t think I’ve seen one Bond flick with Mr. Dalton. The new guy is pretty good looking.
    QT – your question has been added to my list. Thanks for playing and thanks for the link to your blog.
    ChickyBabe – wow, that’s an awesome question. I really like this one very much. Let me think this one over. Nous parlerions francais bien sur!
    Brookem – Brother #3 is not available. He’s a great chap though and loves The Hoff.
    Cake Lady – you may be late, but I still check this stuff. That’s a fantastic question too. I might have to randomly select this one for sure. Stay tuned.

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