Mommy’s Little Boy

Bottlebabe Breastfeeding scorecard in my family:

The four oldest siblings: no boob milk whatsover.

The three youngest siblings (including myself): yes to the boob milk. 

So there you have it.  I visited my mom last night after my soccer match.  She reluctantly provided the scoop on the breastfeeding data allowing me to share my findings.  She says I was breastfed for 10 months like my younger brother.  I clarified this with her a few times inquiring each time as to whether or not I was breastfed the longest of all seven kids.  She wouldn’t admit to this coercison technique of mine, yet I have a hunch I was breastfed the longest.  Now, this means many things to many people… so here’s my take on why my breastfeeding prowess can be translated into real world success.

  • I blog
  • I think before I act
  • I make tons and tons of money
  • Ironman
  • I’m destined for greatness
  • I have a full head of hair
  • very rarely get sick
  • I drive a very large car
  • I dig people
  • normal
  • animal noises
  • boob man
  • lover of all thing dairy
  • ravishing good looks
  • zero percent body fat
  • can spell "quadratic" and "chlorophyll" correctly always
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About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Raging Dork. Bookmark the permalink.

55 Responses to Mommy’s Little Boy

  1. egan says:

    Sprizee – I do not lie. All of the bullet points are truths which can be attributed to the benefits of breastfeeding for 10 months. Take that suckers!

  2. brandy says:

    Um, I’m getting better. Third place! Woot! About your list, I think I have a one-track mind because a few of those looked like great t-shirt ideas to me.

  3. brandy says:

    Annnnd I’m greedy and want #4 place too. So I will say that really… you can spell chlorophyll correctly.. always? Today Egan, you are my hero.

  4. liv says:

    Well, I’m at the 4.5 year point with a small boy who I breastfed for 18 months. He has rarely gotten sick until that interloper sister came on the scene. Said interloping sister self weaned at 6 months. He’s dashingly handsome, smart, and sweet. We’ll see if he makes tons of cash and takes care of Mummy one day.

  5. naynayfazz says:

    You have zero percent body fat too. 😉

  6. Janice says:

    You forgot to mention the rapier-like wit and the cat-like reflexes.

  7. desiree says:

    You’re funny! I liked this post.
    As one of 6 kids all boob fed I couldn’t help but laugh at your efforts to find out whether YOU were in fact boob fed the longest. Sounds JUST like something one of us would do!! Ahh the big fam similarities keep coming out… 😉

  8. egan says:

    Brandy – I was wondering if some of these would be fitting for our t-shirt business. Look I posted in the late afternoon.
    Brandy – yes, always. Chlorophyll is a very important process in the growth of trees, so yeah.. I know it. Number four, hurray!
    Liv – please do keep me posted on your son’s progress and ability to provide for me in the later years. I bet he gets heaps of love from mom. Interloping sister, I like that title.
    naynayfazz – yes, zero percent. It’s really quite remarkable.
    Janice – great point, I might add those or use the powers of suggestion to imply those traits are already present.

  9. egan says:

    Desiree – big families have an odd competitive vibe. Just the other day I was battling my wife to whether or not a certain playlist on the radio was from the year 1994 or 1993. I was rather stubborn about it being from 1994 when my wife had clearly moved on. Go big families!

  10. Amanda says:

    Huh…this list works for me, too since I was breastfed as well.
    Oh, wait. All but the body fat bullet point. My body fat percentage is…well shit, i don’t know, but it’s high. I am a boob person, however. I was checking out all kinds of boobs this past week. They are all over the place.
    I’m back, bitch, and I need to get back into commenting shape. My fingers feel funny typing. Damn having no computer for 4 days!!

  11. *pixie* says:

    3 months of breastfeeding so far and we think Gideon is a baby genius!

  12. brandy says:

    Amanda! Thank god you are back. I’m so happy you came at a time when I had two comments up already. YES!

  13. Michelle says:

    WOW. LOL! You know, I would have an argument with a friend of mine who hadn’t been breastfed EVER (whereas I was boobfed for the first six months of my life) about what Freud had said – that babies that aren’t breastfed grow up to have oral fixations because they didn’t get their biological needs met as infants (aka. being fed through boob). He thought it was b.s. until we went through his oral fixations…he overate, felt a need for his ‘pipe’ multiple times a day, and still sucked his thumb.
    Moral of the story, breast feed baby Les Singes 🙂

  14. *pixie* says:

    Michelle—I was just talking about this on my blog the other day. I think those who aren’t breast fed have boob issues.

  15. churlita says:

    I wasn’t breast fed. I hardly ever get sick, I’ve been running about six miles a day for over twenty years now. I am a heterosexual woman, so I have no breast fixation whatsoever.

  16. patches says:

    Yeah, like you would give up the mini.

  17. tori says:

    I breastfed my youngest baby for 16 months. We stopped because of the cancer, or I think he might still be breastfeeding (I am kidding. He is 3, and while I am all for extended breastfeeding and child led weaning, I think that would have been too long for both of us!)
    Does your wife have plans to try breastfeeding your baby? My twins who were not breastfed seem just as smart/healthy as the two who were, so don’t feel like I am putting pressure on you at all.

  18. Candace says:

    BF is just cheaper and easier, and so much healthier so why not? I say. 🙂
    I was not bf and I was a VERY unhappy baby. My mom used to put my crib in the closet so the neighbour lady would stop coming over to see about “that poor baby.” Oy! If only my mom had known. MuNKi was not bf either and was a projectile vomiter. Turns out he had dairy issues, but they didn’t really look at that back then.

  19. brookem says:

    “i dig people” really had me. haha!
    i like your list. i was breast fed, but i cannot spell. i do like all things dairy, and of course, have ravishing good looks. and no problems with self esteem whatsoever. clearly.

  20. Airam says:

    I love how you had “normal” immediately followed by “animal noises”.
    Too cute.

  21. brandy says:

    Okay, so I’ve reviewed the list. Here are the ones I think could make the t-shirt cut:
    I make tons and tons of money
    Ironman
    I’m destined for greatness
    I drive a very large car
    I dig people
    normal
    lover of all thing dairy
    I can spell chlorophyll correctly
    Personally I would pay a truck load of money for a t-shirt that said ” I dig people”. Hopefully the masses agree.

  22. qt says:

    I was fed by the boob as well. It is the far superior method, obviously.
    While I am all for boobfeeding, I believe that when your child is old enough to walk up to you, ask for the boob, and pull it out – it is time to STOP people! At least in public.

  23. Lynn says:

    I was never breastfed, and now I know why I’ve never participated in an ironman competition…and why my body fat is ‘slightly’ (in my dreams) above zero. I’ve always wondered about these things. Thanks for the clarification;~)

  24. leiselb says:

    Ohmygoodness…you convinced me. Breastfeeding wins. Especially on that whole, liking people thing.

  25. celeste says:

    You forgot “excellent sense of humour” on the list.

  26. Gwen says:

    Only 10 months? La Leche wouldn’t approve, I’m afraid. I hope your wife plans on bfing the bundle of joy for years and years. My 7 year old is still enjoying a sip at the nip every now and then and she is a certifiable genius with very good taste in music. Something to consider.

  27. justrun says:

    0% body fat? WHAT-EV-ER!

  28. logo™ says:

    You so funny, E-Fo.
    If I had known breast feeding would turn my kids into hyperactive, lying bloggers I might have reconsidered
    :p
    Course she loved you the most!

  29. Good for Me says:

    finally i’ve discovered why i don’t like people…no boob.
    however i nursed my first for 11 months and my second for 15 months. i have definitely seen the beneifts, but know plenty of kids who weren’t breast fed that are healthy, great kids too.
    and this is for all you moms who have dealt with postpartum anxiety and/or postpartum depression. if you’re not healthy, you can’t be who you need to be for your baby. please know that you’re not a bad mom if you stop nursing to take care of yourself (and by that i mean meds.) if you can find something that helps you to function better and be at peace, then that ultimately is what is best for everyone. babies still grow healthy and strong on formula. (okay, off my soapbox now)
    i might also add the whole issue of immunizing. i think you need a post on that cervelo. i’ll share my choice with my boys after you present your post 🙂

  30. brookem says:

    brandy, i would be first in line for the “i dig people” tee shirt.

  31. Amanda says:

    Ok. I’ve had a full nights sleep and I’m ready. I hope CAPTCHA is ready to have it’s ass kicked today.
    Brandy, I will take the “destined for greatness” shirt.

  32. brookem says:

    uh, what the holy hell is captcha?

  33. “Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart”
    wow, i just googled that. who’s the nerd this friday morning?

  34. Brother#3 says:

    Well ain’t that a lot of love momma showed you! That must explain why you were such a Shamrock Shake and Kelis fan and I went for Coke floats and quarterbacks!

  35. Amanda says:

    Brookem!! You kill me! I had no idea that it was a stupid acronym…well, I did, but I didn’t know what it meant!
    And did I read Brother#3 correctly – you like Shamrock Shakes? Holy hell. You are me, aren’t you? A taller, older, male version of me, of course.

  36. Chris Durano says:

    Our daugthter was bottle fed and she turned out fine! Son is breast-fed and he seems fine too. Only thing I can really say is breast-feeding has saved us about $60-$70/month. Best of luck bro!

  37. Trick says:

    I became poor when I stopped Breast feeding but she didn’t care either way.

  38. Phats says:

    If you make so much damn money you are more then welcome to share with me geesh

  39. sandra says:

    I was breast-fed, too — although only for a few months. Apparently I was a biter.

  40. Airam says:

    E-FO hope you’re feeling better!!

  41. Amanda says:

    Well,, I’m almost done with my day. I decided to be good and not challenge CAPTCHA since you’re under the weather (what a lame saying…what does that even mean, “under the weather”? Stupid).
    What are the odds that the day after you blog about rarely getting sick, you don’t feel well?

  42. Tim says:

    That damn Chloraphil gets me every time.

  43. Nessa says:

    Should we call Dr. Freud?

  44. egan says:

    Amanda – yes, I was a boob person from birth. When you miss a few days typing responses and posts, it can be grueling for the fingers to catch up. Welcome back.
    *pixie* – I don’t doubt if for a moment. Gideon IS a genius.
    Brandy – you did great work in Amanda’s absence. She will never forget your hard work. I, however, might not remember you come Monday.
    Michelle – I like the moral of this story. We most certainly do plan on breastfeeding her, but the length of breastfeeding is subjective. Oral fixations? Yep.
    *pixie* – what kind of boob issues are we talking about here? I think I should go back and read the post you wrote.
    Churlita – thank you thank you thank you. Seriously, the Leche Legion believes your baby will not thrive unless you introduce the boob. Keep on running.
    Patches – the MINI is here to stay. He’s doing well, but is likely to feel a tad neglected in about a month when the Subaru takes over.
    Tori – thanks for sharing your story about your kids. My mom didn’t breastfeed because she had two sets of twins and just didn’t have the time. It was interesting to hear her explain this. Yes, Mrs. Lessinges plans on breastfeeding Anna for at least 5-6 months. Child led weaning, I’m not sure how I feel about that topic.
    Candace – ha, I knew you’d enjoy chiming in on this topic. Do you think the “baby jail” of ours is a bad thing too? Breastfeeding is wonderful, don’t get me wrong… however it’s not an option to all. Have your kids ever puked?
    Brookem – I get the sense you’re mocking me, but thankfully I know better. Do you dig people too? You seem a spec cocky.
    Airam – yes, any grown man that makes animal noises is clearly a cute man. Bock bock!
    Brandy – wow, which of my bullet points didn’t make the list? You flatter me immensly. We really need to get to work on this t-shirt business, fo reals!!
    QT – I’m all about breastfeeding too, but I think I draw the same line as you. When a kid can walk right up to mom and get milk off the tap, it’s time to wean.
    Lynn – see, if you were breastfed, you could finish an Ironman. It’s really that simple. I even filled that out on my pre-race survey last year. It went over well I think.
    Leiselb – you to can become a people person if you were breastfed. Now, as an adult it’s very hard to reverse the process.
    Celeste – damn, you got me there. I will make revisions to this list in a future post. I love the input.
    Gwen – “a sip at the nip” is such a great phrase. La Leche, yes they’re rather opinionated. My wife plans on breastfeeding until grade school to save money and we will not use diapers either. Anna will just pee or poop on the floor and we’ll pick it up.
    Justrun – 0% body fat could be a wee fabrication. I don’t think I want to know my body fat right now to be honest.
    Logo – you called me a liar. Well done. Remember, I know where you live and your transportation preferences. I really don’t know what that means. When do we meet again?
    Good for Me – I love your soapbox and agree with all that you said here. I’m impressed with your 15 month stint on your kid. That takes some hardcore dedication. And yes, there’s nothing wrong with bottlefeeding and nothing wrong with using drugs postpartum. Thank you for voicing your opinion. Immunizations, oh now there’s another fun topic.
    Furiousball – gassy, yum. Does milk make one gassy? My wife says air makes me gassy.
    Brookem – wow, it sounds like Brandy and I need to get our act together on the t-shirt business.
    Amanda – hey, did Captcha slow you down much? Sweet, another buyer for our t-shirts. Brandy, what are we waiting for? “One ‘Destined for Greatness’ t-shirt please!
    Brookem – Captcha is Typepad’s name for their word verification tool that seemingly randomly turns on and off. That or Captcha is a new dance craze sweeping the nation.
    Brookem (Captcha’s Goon) – is that really what the fuck it stands for? Wow, you’re a huge nerd but that’s an admirable trait amongst bloggers.

  45. egan says:

    Brother #3 – I didn’t want to bring up your liking for quarterbacks, but you went there. Shamrock shakes are the shit yo! It’s a ritual of mine to eat those once a year. How goes it?
    Amanda – Brookem is on a roll for sure. Who fuck checks the abbreviation of Captcha? Brookem does. I love that she did though because that’s a fucked up acronym. Yes, I like shamrock shakes. You and I quite similar in many resects aren’t we?
    Chris Durano – hey buddy, thanks for sharing what you guys did with each kid. It’s not a question I go around asking, but it is nice to know. I think your daughter turned out just great for being bottlefed. Yeah! Dude, we’re down to about five weeks.
    Trick – yeah, I hear formula is expensive. How goes it yo?
    Phats – yes, I will wire you funds immediately. What’s your PayPal account?
    Sandra – do you bite straws today? Just wondering.
    Airam – I’m turning the corner. The sore throat is almost gone and now just a runny nose. Sleep and movies is a good remedy for this nonsense.
    Amanda – shitty odds that I post about my robust immune system and then get mildly sick. Stupid universe! Captcha still loves you.
    Tim – I’m glad you chimed in on this one. If there’s one person, other than myself, who can spell chlorophyll correctly 100% of the time, it’s you. Have a good weekend.
    Nessa – I have the doctor on speed dial. I’ll handle it.

  46. Pants says:

    I take this to mean that ass men were bottle fed.

  47. Candace says:

    What’s puking? ^_^

  48. Amanda says:

    Someone puked?
    HAPPY SATURDAY!!!

  49. brookem says:

    shamrock shakes from mcdonalds?
    hey, dont talk about me like im not here, yo! (kidding) who checks abbreviations? i do. because i need a little assistance, sometimes.

  50. brookem says:

    wait, candace puked? are you ill lady?

  51. egan says:

    Everyone – I will get to the comments soon. I’m a bit under the weather. Serves me right for bragging about my breastfeeding prowess.

  52. egan says:

    Pants – yes, all ass men were bottle fed brats. I like how your mind works.
    Candace – puking is an art form where items are expelled from the mouth and nose at roughly the same time.
    Amanda – yes, a baby girl we visited puked up her chocolate shake. No good. Happy Monday to you!
    Brookem – we know you’re here and I would never talk smack about you. You’re my mentoree.
    Brookem – nah, I don’t think Candace puked. I think she likes to talk about herself like she’s bad ass.

  53. amusing says:

    So I guess it was worth feeling like a cow for all those months. Mooo.

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