Need a Push?

Folks, here’s an update of sorts.  We went to the doctor today and guess what she told me?  Guess what she told me.  She said boy you better have fun no matter what you do.  Because you’re a fool, nothing compares to you two.  Nothing compares to you!  ♪

Wow, that was totally random and I apologize for that.  I just can’t think straight after today’s visit to the doctor.  Work is stressing me out a bit with office politics and my wife is 2 centimeters dilated.  Yes, that’s not 7 centimeters or anything, but it’s something.  Not only that, but the prostaglandins* are on the loose.  They are like opportunistic street thugs or some shit.  See the "term du jour" below for alternate definitions.

Damn, I’m flipping out a bit because my hands are shaking as I type this in between bites of blueberry yogurt.  I do realize a person can remain at 2 centimeters dilated for a couple weeks so yeah… only time will tell.  I best get cracking on my Harry Potter reading.  I’m currently on page 62 of the first book and I’m reading in other locations of the house.  Don’t ask!   I will be playing soccer tonight should any of you need to find me.  I will be running off much of this nervous energy.  Don’t fret, the soccer field is in between our house and the hospital.

Alrighty, let me attempt to focus on work for a bit.  Yeah right… first child on the way means I’m highly productive at work. 


Pregnancy term du jour: "prostaglandins" –> some secretion you can read about here or you can go with my more basic approach.  It apparently stimulates the cervix and naturally encourages contractions.  Sex is a fine way to release prostaglandins, yet it’s not the only way.  Or you could mess with people and say it’s your favorite dinner dish.  Eat your heart out people! 


About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

322 Responses to Need a Push?

  1. brookem says:

    2cm! anna is greating ready! woot! im so happy for you and your wife.

  2. egan says:

    Brookem – I think I’m officially in freak out mode. I need to play with THE Wii and not my wee. I know you weren’t going there, but I beat other bloggers I won’t mention at this juncture to the punch.

  3. Pants says:

    “… first child on the way means I’m highly productive at work.”
    Just like every other day.

  4. egan says:

    Pants – you’d think I fathered many kids with this statement. Truthfully though, this is the first one and boy is she in for a rare treat.

  5. Pants says:

    Sorry, I didn’t mean to infer you have baby mama drama. I meant that you are a highly productive employee. Just like me.
    *runs from computer to play tetris in a bathroom stall*

  6. brandy says:

    Ohh this is getting interesting! I’m so excited for you guys.

  7. tori says:

    Hooray! I am so excited! I love that I can tell how you are feeling from the way you wrote this! I am so excited for you! I can’t wait (which is probably nothing compared to how you feel!)

  8. Brother#3 says:

    If I didn’t know better I’d recommend taking a Paxil or some slight sedative…why not latch hook a rug or do something else to relax…;-) No coffee!

  9. egan says:

    Pants – why play Tetris in the bathroom stall when you can read Harry Potter? Ha, you know I kid Pants.
    Brandy – tell me about it! Oh the drama is just about to unfold in my life right before this very blog.
    Tori – right about now is when I wish I didn’t have to be at work. Focussing while here is ridiculous. I’m likely to tear off someone’s head and have come close a few times. Anyways, yes I’m very excited.

  10. Amanda says:

    Wow Egan. I honestly don’t even know where to begin to comment with this post. I can’t focus after reading it.
    Um…hey…I totally volunteered you to do some stuff next week. Is that cool? Awesome. You’re the best. I know I didn’t ask first, but I figured that you woudln’t mind. I mean….Tiger Woods wasn’t there when his baby was born, right?

  11. egan says:

    Brother #3 – can you say soccer? I’m going to run up and down that field all night long. No standing around for me! I will shoot the ball often and do jumping jacks too. Latch hook rugs are boring and not something I should be doing. I have one about a third completed at mom’s house somewhere. Go Rams!

  12. egan says:

    Amanda – it’s as if you can read my mind. I’m going to volunteer an ass kicking or maybe I will just deliver it… wink wink. I’m sure you’ll have plenty to say very soon.

  13. Pants says:

    I’m back. What did I miss?

  14. egan says:

    Pants – not much. I’ve been fantasizing about a beatdown is all. A certain blogger might deliver the blows.

  15. Amanda says:

    Do you need me to hold anyone down? Because I will.

  16. Pants says:

    Yikes? Really! Sounds so juicy! Dammit, I wish I had access to my email! POOOO!!!
    This is keeping me sane. Or at least sane enough not to shove office supplies in my eyes.

  17. Chris says:

    Talk about updates, 2cm – that’s something. There’s so much excitement and energy from everyone here I can only imagine how you are feeling.
    Thanks for haveing the ability to contain yourself at least long enough to update us because we are all so jazzed for ya dude.

  18. mez says:

    ooo lala, almost! It’s very cool hearing about pregnancy from an excited (okay: freaked out) male side btw.

  19. egan says:

    Amanda – Tall Chick has already offered to do the dirty work. All I have to do is purchase a camcorder to make it happen. Fair enough.
    Pants – talk about a great way to kill some time. I scored three points though because I could only think of French words.
    Chris – you said jazzed. Yeah, two centimeters is something. It’s not like 32 weeks and hardly preggers either. Kidding, no disrespect to pregnant women in their 32nd week. The third trimester ladies/spouses need to stick together.

  20. egan says:

    Mez – it’s the least I can offer right now. I think both of exhaled audibly as we exited the doctor’s office this morning. Wow, it truly is crunch time. Why must I be at work while all this excitement is just about to happen? I guess that asshole Tiger Woods can do it. Guys are just a bother in the delivery room, or so I was told by a prominent co-worker of mine.

  21. Golden says:

    Dang! It’s amazing how contagious your trepidation/excitement/happiness is!! Now I’m shaking.

  22. mcewen says:

    Well I’m so glad to hear that you are managing to project such a calm exterior.

  23. Pants says:

    If you need me I’ll be over here sniffing permanent markers.

  24. Airam says:

    Egan!! You’re going to be a daddy!!!! A daddy!!!!
    2 cm?? Ohhhh she’s a comin out!

  25. egan says:

    Golden – I noticed a word you didn’t pluck in the mix was “scared”. Thanks for that. I’m complete confident and such. Show me the baby! Shaking is cool especially when typing.
    McEwen – I’m like a rock, all stoic and shit. I just glanced in the mirror, still solid as nails.
    Pants – I thought you were a huffer.
    Airam – a daddy, a daddy, a daddy! Man oh man is my world about to be turned upside down. Let the fun begin.

  26. mez says:

    my friend “E” said that all men should be removed from the delivery room – that it’s just waaaay too much information. I say if they want togetherness they should be hooked up with electrodes to their private parts so they can feel every excruciating moment.
    As it goes, she is married – while I am considering dating my fish. yepppppp.

  27. egan says:

    Mez – I want to be in the delivery room. I’m sure some dads may find it a bit too much to stomach, but if my wife is going through the pain of birth.. I’m there. I have to be there. I want to witness as much of it as possible. I think your suggestion regarding electrodes is good, very good. Does your fish have a name?

  28. Amanda says:

    Airam’s comment had me getting all giddy. Damn it!
    Pants needs some Mr. Sketch markers. Those are yummy. Especially the blue one.
    Your prominent co-worker needs to go fuck himself.
    Just sayin’

  29. egan says:

    Amanda – yeah all giddy is right. I’m there. I should be creating phone scripts right now, but I’d much rather type something fun and interesting. Phone scripts are for losers. I don’t need no fucking phone scripts. How’s that for surly/giddy? I think I need more giddy in the mix. Baby Anna is a coming. From what I read, once the membranes are ruptured… it’s only a few more days. That’s what the good folks at tell me. Woot woot! Oh yeah, I’m superdopefly!

  30. Amanda says:

    Yeah, you definitely needed more giddy in there. After the “I don’t need no fucking phone scripts.” You should have added a “WOOHOO!!!’ in there. Phone scripts can suck it.
    Few more days, dude. those words make me almost poop my pants so I can only imagine what they’re doing to you and Mrs. L.
    Ok, you have a good night, yo. Seriously – if the 2 cm increases overnight, I hope you have a way to let us all know. Because I know that’s going to be the first thing on your mind – “must. let. bloggers. know….”

  31. sprizee says:

    You seemed very calm and pulled together considering the circumstance. Hold on for one more day, things will go your way.
    Hold. On. For. One. More. Day.

  32. egan says:

    Amanda – you will know pretty fast when the baby is born. I have plans in place to make sure the blog world learns about it promptly. Sprizee has graciously offered to update my blog. So I will call her and she will post for me. Yippee!
    Sprizee – well thank you very much. I think I’m better if I’m not sitting at my desk. I can move around, hug people, observe bad parking, and random acts of kindness. Thanks for great gifts. The bouncing monkey rocks! Oh yeah the “treehugger” and “Anna” onesies are so freaking adorable. You’re a great friend. Thanks for meeting up today. It was great to see you! I gather next time we meet, Anna will be here. Wilson Phillips! I guess it’s not fair of me to mock John Mayer when I once owned WP’s CD.

  33. meno says:

    “Don’t fret, the soccer field is in between our house and the hospital.”
    So if the wife goes into labor, she can run to the soccer field and then you can drive her to the hospital? And they say chivalry is dead!

  34. egan says:

    Meno – you have it all wrong. I will answer my phone while on the field, put on my cape, fly to the house, and then put Mrs. Lessinges under my arm. We’ll fly there.
    Okay, she’s likely to come with me to the game or I will just drive back to the house and snag her. I hear the way the water breaks in movies is completely fake. I don’t know though, maybe they’ve got it all wrong.
    I’m so chivalrous it hurts. I’ve been to every doctor’s appointment yo!

  35. Kale Rae says:

    Wow. 2 cm!!!! That’s great. Bonne Chanace! All the best to the missus singe.

  36. I can just see you now, eating blueberry yogurt and all excited about this baby coming! YAY! I keep checking to see if she is here yet!

  37. Tim says:

    Have you played the game yet where all your commenter guess when the baby will be born and the winner gets the placenta?

  38. patches says:

    Wow, I guess your head is about to explode any day now.
    Soccer vs Speed bag, doesn’t matter both are effective.

  39. brandy says:

    Placenta. That word gives me the shivers. The same kind I get when I see Jack Nicholson smile and do that wonky thing with his eyebrows. I heard that Cindy Crawford and her husband kept the placenta and buried it under their favourite tree. Maybe you could bury yours, well not yours, I guess it’s Anna’s, near your favourite swimming pool? Think about it.

  40. brandy says:

    Hmm. I think I might have told you about Cindy Crawford and the placenta planted under the tree story before. Sigh. Or as Amanda would say, Le sigh. Can you tell I’m stalling from going to meet the Dutchess at the track? I’m not up for being timed today.

  41. Airam says:

    Egan if I eat my heart out THEN I’LL DIE!

  42. justrun says:

    Dork that I am, I totally liked the song.
    I hear ya on the office politics. Not fun. But you have dialation, so eff the rest of them!
    (And I mean that in the best way possible.)

  43. L says:

    I’m not sure I can stomach all this pregnancy vocab. Zoiks. You better finish that Harry P book. Ain’t gonna be no time for that bidness between poopin’ and feedin’ once Anna arrives.

  44. Lynn says:

    I’m thinking that when you first lay your eyes on baby Anna, you will be thinking “Nothing Compares, Nothing Compares to you” (wish I could do those musical note thingys). Now I’ll have Sinead O’Connor stuck in my head all night. Wow, 2cm. Only 8 more to go.

  45. Amanda says:

    Wow…between the Wilson Philips and the Sinead O’Connor references, I’ve been transported back to middle school and me sitting in my bedroom taping music from the radio (for you Airam) and singing into my hairbrush:
    “Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye (say goodbye…)
    Until then baby are you going to let them hold you down and make you cry
    Don’t you know? (Don’t you know) Things can change.
    Things’ll go your way if you hold on for one more day yeah
    If you hold on….”

    Yup…that was all from memory, yo.
    How was your soccer game? Still at 2cm? I’m glad Sprizee’s gonna step in and let us all know when the little monkey is born.

  46. tori says:

    Blueberry yogurt is my favorite. Any updates? Which clearly there are not, or they would be here but I had to ask anyway. I can’t wait!
    Amanda-I knew I was older than you, but I didn’t realize how much older until I read that you listened to that music in middle school. It was popular my last year in high school! I dated a guy who used to love Wilson Philips. When he was driving, he would stop the tape after his favorite song and rewind to listen again. I am so sick of particular songs that if I never hear them again, it wouldn’t be terrible.
    Egan-I’ll be thinking of you and your wife, and hoping everything goes well (and quick would probably be good too.) I can’t wait to read your feelings on the birth. For me it was the very best thing ever each time. I still remember every detail from each birth.

  47. brookem says:

    um, “hold on,” “release me,” and “you’re in love” are all regulars on my “work” playlist?

  48. brookem says:

    is it really fair to feel this way inside?

  49. Kerry says:

    She could be at a two for weeks… but she could also go from two to ten in an hour! Stay close! I’m so excited for you!!!

  50. brandy says:

    Amanda- I used to love that Wilson Phillips song so much that I cried when I sang along to it. Because apparently when you are in jr. high and you are listening to three sisters talk about breaking free from the chains, it’s really powerful stuff.

  51. I’m sitting here with a huge smile on my face because I am so glad I’ve found your blog and have been able to read about your experience as you prepare for fatherhood.
    And I’m SO excited about all of the upcoming posts once Anna arrives. Your take on parenting is sure to entertain us all!!

  52. Tall Chick says:

    Your excitement is making my laptop vibrate! 🙂
    Buy the camcorder AND film the ass-kicking. ^_^
    Did you score last night? (in soccer, dirty boy!)

  53. QT says:

    Wow – I haven’t thought about Sinead O’Connor since high school…
    Dude – Anna is gonna be here any day. Such an exciting time for you!

  54. Amanda says:

    I’m thinking it was middle school, Tori. I”m not sure, though.
    I love Brookem. “Work” playlist…classic.
    Hey, uh, Egan? Is your wife still pregnant? (don’t hit me…)

  55. brookem says:

    i dont get too involved with my playlist titles. usually they are a location: work, gym, bed (wink wink). actually there’s no wink. unfortunately no winks at all. damnit.

  56. Tall Chick says:

    Pleas come use your nervouse energy to start my car since the kids have killed the battery. Thank you.

  57. Tall Chick says:

    nervouse? WTF?

  58. egan says:

    Kale Rae – thanks for the well wishes. This is when it gets exciting, we have zero clue when things are really going to happen.
    Steppingoverthejunk – eating yogurt is a hobby of mine and it’s all I can do to get my mind off of baby thoughts.
    Tim – screw iPod sock giveaways, the placenta is really the only way to go. You’re a smart man.
    Patches – the speed bag would kick my ass. At least in soccer I can take my aggressions out on some inflatable round object… and I did.
    Brandy – I have heard this story about Cindy Crawford and a tree, but I don’t think it was from you. I think it was from my good pal Mary Hart. Jack Nicholson doesn’t do it for you eh?
    Brandy – Pink sends her love. She told me you took a 13 minute shower today. Conserve yo!
    Airam – you’ve got to stop taking me so literally. You’re only making things harder on yourself.
    Justrun – that was a good song, in its day. It doesn’t sound so great nowadays. I’m tuning out the politics for obvious reasons. It’s better that way.
    L – okay, no more pregnancy vocab it is. You win. I’m cracking on the Potter. It’s a good reason thus far.
    Lynn – I love Sinead’s voice. There’s something so very cool about the Irish accent. It’s Dilation Nation.
    Amanda – did you own WP though? I got it free as part of my Columbia House freebies. We won our soccer match 3-0 and I had an assist. No goals though, I have plenty of those at work. Hoowaa! Sprizee is a great pal for posting when I’m out.
    Tori – now if you’re calling Amanda young and I’m older than you, does that make me Father Time? Just curious. There are no updates so to speak. My wife said she did feel very energetic this morning which is exactly how her friend felt the day before she went into labor. Thanks for the positive vibes Tori. You can remember every detail? Did you not take any drugs ever?
    Brookem – “are you comfortable with the pain” Brookem?
    Brookem – look at you go. Hold on, for one more day. This is a great labor song.
    Kerry – this is precisely what I hear which makes it all the more exciting. I got to get my ducks in a row. Quack quack.
    Brandy – you’re a hoot. That’s such a funny way to look at it. I’m not sure I ever cried, but I think I had a crush on one of them. Not the annoying one though that had her stomach stapled.
    Chaos Control – hey, that’s a nice compliment. You’re likely to make my head swell if you keep it up. I hope you enjoy the offerings of this blog. It’s going to get very very interesting here any day. Your excitement is doing a number on me.
    Tall Chick – are you sure that’s your laptop? I didn’t score, but I had an assist. You’re naughty.
    QT – correct, she will be here anyday and I will be on diaper, swaddling, and the 5 S’s duty. The five Ss rule. Pluralizing the letter S is really odd.
    Amanda – last I heard she was still pregnant. Brookem loves John Mayer and JD Fortune.
    Brookem – I do a similar thing with my Playlist titles. Mine are Muscles, Ironman, Shag, MINI, and Self Exploration.
    Tall Chick – those kids of yours are out of control. You need to reel them back in a bit. Maybe you can have them watch a great sci-fi movie.
    Tall Chick – I can’t believe you had a typo. I’m so disappointed in you.

  59. brandy says:

    Carnie? Whoa. It’s one thing to admit to listening to Wilson Phillips and crying because you feel like they are the only ones who understand you, it’s completely different when you admit that you know their names. Although, I think the stomach stapled one is the only one I know. And the blonde one- didn’t she marry a Baldwin? Maybe ask Mary Hart next time you hang out.

  60. brandy says:

    Brookem- “You’re in love!” man I had totally forgot about that song. You’re in love, and that’s the way, it should be. Cause I want you to be be happpyyyyy. Man. That stuff was gold. IS gold.

  61. brandy says:

    And can I just say, that’s a horrible song to listen to while going through a jr. high break up?

  62. liv says:

    yay! it’s getting to be time for the little Leo to arrive!

  63. egan says:

    Brandy – see, this is precisely why you rock. You know some of their names. Shit, I know Chyna’s name and that she spells it like some freak because she doesn’t want to be associated with a country. Shit, I also know they’re the offspring of some band called the Mammas & Pappas. Yikes, these are confessions I should save for my intervention. Dammit all to hell! Mary Hart isn’t aging too well, but I really don’t think she’s had any work done on her. She looks very natural.
    Brandy – Brookem has weird musical tastes, but I will give her mad props on the Wilson Phillips songs. Stiffie alert!
    Brandy – at least you had someone breaking up with you in middle school. I, on the other hand (yikes) had to say “I wish I could quit you” to nobody. Quite sad if you think about it.
    Liv – my wife woke up this morning and declared that Anna is still inside her belly. I was then able to exhale. I like updates such as this one, my wife rocks.

  64. Tall Chick says:

    I knw. I nvr mkae tpoys. Evah.
    It started again, so I guess you broadcast enough nervous energy our way. Thanks for that.
    No score? Bummer. Is an assist when you open a new pack of batteries?

  65. brookem says:

    um, it’s a horrible song to listen to when you’re breaking up in adult life too.
    perhaps i need to get my playlist out of the early 90’s era.

  66. brookem says:

    so stop comin’ round’ my door, cuz you’re not gonna find what you’re lookin’ for….

  67. brookem says:

    i do not have weird musical tastes. they’re very eclectic.
    stiffie? as in drink.. or…?
    and “self exploration” play list? wtf?

  68. brandy says:

    Okay, so you clearly know more than me about the Wilson sisters. That’s great Egan. Little Anna will be able to tell all her friends all about three sisters who changed the music world for good. As for Mary Hart, I think her face is aging but her has great gams still- and she looks loads better than that leater face Pat O’Brien. And brookem, I dont’ think you should ever feel bad about your music choices (especially when mine are similar). Guilt isn’t worth it. To quote, “Just open your heart and your mind
    Is it really fair to feel this way inside?”
    Is it? I think not.

  69. brandy says:

    *leather… not leter. Man. Binge drinking before three always causes typos

  70. brookem says:

    egan loves mary hart. big time.

  71. egan says:

    Tall Chick – I never in a million years would have guessed you’d make typos in your follow-up comment. Man, you always keep me guessing. An assist is when you kick the ball really high in the air and the other team sucks so bad they don’t know how to handle the ball. Therefore a teammate of mine traps the ball and puts it in the back of the net.
    Brookem – you know that show where they fix a person’s attire because it’s sketchy? Yeah… you get the picture.
    Brookem – I hear you sister.
    Brookem – you like those playlist suggestions don’t you? Yes, you have very weird musical tastes. Anyone that loves John Mayer is weird in my book. Yes Liv, you’re weird. I bet you love that dorky Matchbox 20 dude.. Rob.

  72. egan says:

    Brandy – shit, you busted me or did I reveal myself. I went through a phase where every CD I bought (or aquired) was of the chick variety. That would include the Cranberries, Swing Out Sister, Wilson Phillips, Madonna, and many many more. I have to same some for future comments.
    Mary Hart makes me sick. Her gams aren’t even that great. I do love that they make it a point to show them to us though. How thoughtful. Sounds like you have a crush on Pat O’Brien. Maybe you love Billy Bush too?
    Brandy – believe it or not, I figured out the leather one. I’m so damn smart. Are you really drinking? Don’t tug at my heartstrings.
    Brookem – yes, as much as you love JD Fortune and John Mayer.

  73. Airam says:

    Egan I don’t think my readers want to see a picture of my boobies.

  74. egan says:

    Airam – HI! How goes it? I’ve been wondering about your day. How is it going? Did you get stuck in traffic? Perhaps you met a cute boy at the grocery store or while browsing for books in Chapters? Keep me posted please.

  75. egan says:

    Airam – you really don’t think guys want to see a picture of your boobies? I strongly beg to differ, strongly. I dare you to ask that question of your readers on your own blog. Go for it.

  76. brandy says:

    I never joke about drinking, besides, anything fruity and consumed while outside doesn’t really count. Especially when you are unemployed. Oh, and if Pat wasn’t so busy snorting cocaine off of strange women he doesn’t know, I may have a soft spot for him. As for Billy, I think he’s the John Mayer of the entertainment reporting world.

  77. Trick says:

    Seems like only yesterday you were the baby that was talked about on this blog….
    My how you’ve grown
    It’s almost baby time….baby time…baby time!!!!
    It make my ovaries hurt with excitement

  78. brookem says:

    um, what show do you speak of? what not to wear?
    i dont love john mayer, but sure, i like him well enough. and uh, yes, rob thomas is a gem, GOOD HAIR!

  79. brookem says:

    brandy, dont tease about outdoorsy fruity drinks. if you even mention a patio ill flip. bloody marys?

  80. egan says:

    Brandy – oh yeah, I almost (almost) forgot about the coke snorting off of hookers. What was he thinking? That’s a serious CLM as we say in the land of cubicles, Career Limiting Move. I love the Billy Bush comparison. That Nancy O’Dell babe was one pretty pregnant woman. I love what she’s done with her nursery. I do hope she’s breastfeeding her little one so she gets heaps of colostrum.
    Trick – are you calling me a baby? I’m not sure how to take this. I will go with compliment. I don’t have ovaries, but left nipple is raw. Shit, I didn’t mean to share that information here. Oh well, nobody reads the comments anyways.
    Brookem – deny it all you want, but I think you’d love some quiet time with John Mayer. I think you’d tackle him to the ground and have your way with him. Perhaps I’m a tad off base, but I doubt it. He does have a great head of hair afterall. Rob Thomas is a tool. Yes, What Not to Wear. You likey?

  81. egan says:

    Brookem – you need to settle down. Drinks are on me. Brandy is busy chillaxing. She can’t be bothered right now so allow me to entertain.

  82. Amanda says:

    Trick’s last part of their comment made me giggle. And made me decide that instead of “slightly disgruntled (may throw poo”, you might need to change your tagline to “Making ovaries hurt since January 2007” Or whenever the fuck you told us about your baby.

  83. brookem says:

    i wicked likey what not to wear and especially clinton. i think he’d be good to chillax with.
    you’re buying? sam summer please. with a lemon, of course.
    you’re right about john, fine. i would do that.

  84. Amanda says:

    Is everyone already drunk today or something? Did I miss happy hour? What’s going on? Where am I? Do horses wear shoes?
    (Brookem, 10 points if you can tell me what movie that last question is from).

  85. Airam says:

    Egan the day I post a picture of my boobies is the day you need to post one of you on the potty.
    And I DID get stuck in traffic!!! Do you have a little camera set up in my car or something …

  86. egan says:

    Amanda – I will have my pal Sprizee change the tagline on my blog immediately. I’m sure she’ll make this a top priority. Did you know Sprizee is my only paid staffer?
    Brookem – What Not to Wear is easily my most favorite show on TLC. I miss the good old days of Ty when he was a loony carpenter with wicked good hair. Yes, my treat on the beer.

  87. Amanda says:

    Airam…you shouldn’t have written that. I think Egan is crazy enough right now to take you up on that deal.

  88. Airam says:

    Then we must convince him more of it … (shhhh … I’ll just find a random pic of boobies and pretend their mine …)

  89. egan says:

    Amanda – I will take a stab at that line, is it from Black Stallion?
    Airam – hmm, this sounds like a challenge I can easily win. I can make it happen tonight, if I don’t have to visit the hospital or pass out on the couch in the basement. I’m like so hella tired and stuff. I knew you got stuck in traffic. I’m so smart and shit.
    Amanda – I told her I would do it. This is an easy game for me to win.
    Airam – I know where you can find random boobie pics if you need help in that arena. Try’s site.

  90. Airam says:

    I’m hella tired too. That wouldn’t go well with my R-rated blog.

  91. brandy says:

    Amanda, I think there has been some drinking involved. Well, for me anyway. But egan, well, I think he’s on something else. “An Anna’s almost here” high or something. I’ve noticed the personality switch lately but was waiting for the right moment to comment on it.

  92. Amanda says:

    So close, Egan. So close. But I think I fucked up that quote anyway, so Brookem might be thinking, “what the hell?”
    Sprizee is on your staff, huh? What’s your starting wage? Are you currently taking applications for new hires?
    I was going to suggest a few other sites for Airam, but we’ll go with your suggestion, Egan.

  93. brookem says:

    amanda, shoot. i dont know what movie that’s from… although i feel like you think i should. um, harry potter?
    SOME horses do wear shoes:

    sorry, i am not good with the linky love in comment form.

  94. brandy says:

    Bloody Mary’s were not consumed today Brookem. I stuck only to drinks mixed with orange juice, so it felt more healthy. Although, bloody marys come with a celery stick (or with a pickle, which I DO NOT LIKE) so I guess they can be healthy too.

  95. brookem says:

    brandy! tomatoe juice is healthy woman! (note: do not make bloody mary’s with v8. i tried that, to be healhier once. sick. really gross).
    you dont like pickles?!

  96. egan says:

    #96 yo!

  97. egan says:

    shit, Brookem is too fast… so it’s now #98 yo!

  98. brandy says:

    I like my pickles just as much as the next girl I suppose, (dear GOD I’m restraining myself from throwing in a side comment here) just not in my drink.

  99. brandy says:

    Whoa. Hitting a 100 two days in a row.

  100. brandy says:

    Damn you Airam!!!

  101. Airam says:

    Fuck! Brandy keeps beating me!

  102. Amanda says:

    hahaha!! Brookem guessed Harry Potter. No, it’s Billy Madison when they are at that farm and the old lady goes on about horseshoes and says, “is anyone listening to me?” Like I said…I fucked it up. Love the link…poor horse.
    Brandy,I think you’re right…there is a definite change in personality. I’ve noticed it too. It’s not a bad thing, though!

  103. Amanda says:

    Holy shit!

  104. brandy says:

    It’s okay. Whoever got the 100 deserved it. Poor Egan. Sometimes I feel bad for him. After comment like 80- it turns into a chat fest here. Wait. That’s not something to feel sorry for. That’s pretty cool. Way to go Egan. He’s created such a welcoming environment that we’ve all felt safe enough to share our secrets about pickles and Airam secret want to show her boobs.

  105. Amanda says:

    I apparently take too long writing comments.

  106. Airam says:

    Brandy you got 100 … I think Egan secretly likes his blog becoming a chat forum. Notice how it’s me, you, Arm and Brookem … it’s like an orgy of fun!

  107. Amanda says:

    What is the comment record? Was the the day you announced baby singe? 128 comments that day (that was a question on that quiz from your baby shower).

  108. brandy says:

    Well Airam, the 100 could have gone either way. You are a worthy competitor my friend.

  109. brookem says:

    shoot, billy madison!!!! damnit to all hell. he has good hair. adam that is. this is a welcoming place. let’s all hold hands and toast marshmellows.

  110. Airam says:

    It’s like quick draw …

  111. egan says:

    Airam – you make it sound like getting an R rating is hard. Oops, I said hard.
    Brandy – look how keen you are about the personality shift. I would love for a detailed explanation of what this entails on my desk by “completion of business” or COB. Can you say three shots of espresso? Woot woot!
    Amanda – let’s say the pay is handsome. A Disney movie? I know for a fact it’s not a HP movie since you asked Brookem.
    Brookem – you love the seeing eye ponies. Hey, is it Billy Madison?
    Brandy – remind me to tell you about the time I overserved myself on Screwdrivers. It was the coolest display ever.
    Brookem – I hear you have a hot date with a full head of hair this weekend.

  112. brookem says:

    airam said orgy!

  113. Airam says:

    Brookem do marshmallows get toasted in orgies?

  114. brandy says:

    You know, when I first started reading egan’s blog I got really overwhelmed. I was always comment like 30- something. I feel a bit bad for the bloke who adds a comment way down here. He’s going to read all of these and wonder how we got so far off topic.

  115. L says:

    Are you not posting because you’re at the hospital? Your reading public demands to know.

  116. brandy says:

    Airam- they get toasted in our orgies. We make the rules here ladies.

  117. Amanda says:

    Brandy! I was getting ready to type that!

  118. brandy says:

    And Egan. You make the rules too. Since you know, it’s your blog.

  119. brookem says:

    airam, sometimes. not that i’d know.

  120. Airam says:

    This is why Egan’s blog can be so intimidating at first. I was a lurker for so long before de-lurking at like comment 80.

  121. Airam says:

    I think that Egan needs to hand over the blog to us for a little while … his busy factor will be increasing lots once little Anna gets here.

  122. Amanda says:

    Wait. I’m lost. Orgies or comments #’s? What?

  123. Airam says:

    I say we push these comments to 200 …

  124. Amanda says:

    Oh, Airam. Holy shit. Can you imagine how much more crazy this place would be if we were in charge?

  125. brandy says:

    Well, if there is a lurker who wants to comment but is intimidated by the orgy talk, I say leave a comment anyway. Egan’s nice and would like it. And brookem, you’ve got a date? And can I say that I want a s’more now?

  126. egan says:

    Um, I think I need a few more shots of caffeine.

  127. brandy says:

    Yes, handing over the blog is a great idea. Like, Harry sharing secrets with Ron and Hermione. Okay, that didn’t make sense but I was a bit desperate for a HP reference.

  128. Amanda says:

    O holy fuck, Brandy!

  129. Airam says:

    So what else can we talk about? Any good gossip going on?
    Egan relax and have your coffee. Just sit and watch the magic unfold.

  130. brandy says:

    “just sit and watch the magic unfold” might just be the greatest line of the day.

  131. Airam says:

    Who wants to be a part of a book blog? Where you do a review of books you’ve read or have finished reading?
    I might as well ask here since it seems this is the meeting place …

  132. egan says:

    Is this a slumber party?

  133. brandy says:

    Airam, you may not know this, but getting the greatest line of the day is equal to getting the 100th comment. Well done.

  134. Airam says:

    Yes … and we’re armed with pillows.

  135. Amanda says:

    Book blogs rule, yo!

  136. Amanda says:

    Airam and I are thinking alike, I see

  137. Airam says:

    Thanks Brandy! This coming from one of the wittiest bloggers I know … I’m grateful you think so!

  138. brookem says:

    a sleepover! woot!
    what’s everyone wearing??

  139. brookem says:

    (oh yes, i went there)

  140. Airam says:

    brookem you have a g-rated blog! you should be thinking un-sexy thoughts.

  141. brookem says:

    the book thing sounds fun; im in!

  142. brandy says:

    Yes, Airam I want to be in a book blog.

  143. brookem says:

    i know. im pure. innocent. angelic.

  144. Airam says:

    Woot! Yay Brookem!
    I’ve already made it up … this is the url:
    Tell me what you think!

  145. Amanda says:

    When are we going to do makeovers?

  146. Airam says:

    Yay Brandy! I had a feeling you girls would like that idea …

  147. Airam says:

    I want blue eyeshadow and fake eyelashes.

  148. brookem says:

    wanna play with each other’s hair?

  149. Amanda says:

    Sweet! And then we can wear our mom’s high heels and fake jewelry.

  150. egan says:

    Hi, my name is Robot Egan.

  151. Amanda says:

    And after the make-up, hair & dress up. Then it’s game time! Truth or dare. Or what was that one game. It was like you went on dates with people and had to wear zits….what was that?

  152. Amanda says:

    uh oh…is robot egan gonna kick us out>?

  153. Amanda says:

    ONly about 43 comments to go to 200!

  154. Airam says:

    We can just pull the plug on robot Egan.

  155. Airam says:

    We can do it!
    *I think it’s at this precise moment that the rest of Egan’s more sane reader’s are staring at their screen with their mouths open and slowly shaking their heads thinking what a bunch of crazy bitches we all are.*

  156. Amanda says:

    He’s kind of like the mom that tells the girls at the slumber party it’s time to go to bed or something.

  157. egan says:

    You can not pull the plug on me. I’m a robot. I am a fully functioning robot with many complex thoughts. My systems are not as simple as you humans think.

  158. Amanda says:

    I wish they would join in instead of just shaking their heads at us.

  159. Robot Egan says:

    At your service sir!

  160. Amanda says:

    Oh shit, son.

  161. Jeff VanVonderen says:


  162. Robot Egan says:

    Jeff VanVonderen has requested your presence at his next gathering. Egan said I must pass this message along.

  163. Jeff VanVonderen says:


  164. egan says:

    Jeff, I think we have some young ladies that need to know we love them to death. We care about them and that’s why we’re here. Who wants to start first?

  165. Amanda says:

    Whatev! Look at him! He’s playing along with getting your comments up to 200! Interventionist my ass.

  166. egan says:

    L – clearly I’m not at the hospital. Baby is still in thee belly.

  167. Bob says:

    This is a great idea. You and NPo should try it. We’re only at 1cm. I look forward to the post birth post.

  168. Airam says:

    Ha! I love Amanda!

  169. Airam says:

    Egan is too busy babysitting us to be at the hospital.

  170. Amanda says:

    Is this where we talk about healthy boundaries or some shit?

  171. tori says:

    You guys! I WAS the mean mom at the slumber party a few days ago when my 9 year old had friends over that just would not go to sleep. I won’t do that here though…are we doing each others nails? Mine could really use it!

  172. Amanda says:

    Tori, did you read through all the comments? Holy Hell!

  173. tori says:

    Crap! I read too slow and my prior comment doesn’t make sense where it is placed now!

  174. Airam says:

    Tori deserves an award for that. Amanda did you and Egan make up a category like that?

  175. egan says:

    Bob – man, it’s a good thing I’m on top of the comments or else your nice link on pain would have been discovered with dinosaur fossils. I like that link and will share it with N-PO. You guys are at 1 cm? Woot woot! Getting closer. I want a dilatation measuring device.
    Girls – I used to think I was unloved. Not anymore.

  176. tori says:

    You bet I read all the comments. My kids are taking showers after a long day at the pool. I am supposed to be cleaning up and starting laundry. You see where my priorities lie here.

  177. Amanda says:

    Airam, not yet, but we totally can. Award categories are our business, yo!

  178. Amanda says:

    Awwww, Egan. As if you ever thought that.

  179. egan says:

    Crikey, slumber parties were about sex? Once again I missed out on that. We just hopped around in our sleeping bags trying to knock each other over. Payback is going to be a bitch in about 10 years.
    Tori – welcome! I’m not sure what’s happened to my blog today. I think we can call it nervous energy.

  180. Amanda says:

    Tori! I love it.

  181. brandy says:

    You know, I suspect you are busy with work, and your wife, and you know that whole ‘having baby’ thing, but I really look foward to seeing your comments reply to each of these comments we’ve left.

  182. Amanda says:

    Brandy, are you trying to get comment 200???

  183. egan says:

    “Best Commenter Reader”
    “Worst Fucking Blog Entry”
    “Most Ass Kissing Blogger”
    Here are a few suggestions.

  184. Amanda says:

    AWWWWWW yeeeeeeah1!!! It’s over, son. Tall chick is in the house.

  185. Tall Chick says:

    what number are we on?

  186. brandy says:

    Ohhh I didn’t even think about it Airam

  187. brandy says:

    Comment 100 AND 200???

  188. Airam says:

    Egan if you think you’re tired now … just wait til you have to pull the allnighter to to what Brandy has asked.
    I think comment 200 should belong to Egan.

  189. Tall Chick says:

    It’s over? I hate that. Everyone always leaves the party when I show up. 😉

  190. brandy says:

    That would defintely be some sort of record. I hope it goes to you Airam. You’ve earned it.

  191. egan says:

    Is this what you meant by ganging up on me? Oh no. I’m cowering in the corner. I hope not to be punished. 200 comments? Will it ever stop yo?

  192. Tall Chick says:

    he can’t have it!!

  193. Airam says:

    Ha Tall Chick!!!

  194. Tall Chick says:

    Now THAT was luck!

  195. Amanda says:

    Who got it? TC?
    I was saying it’s over to Egan…now that you’re here. He thought it was crazy before!

  196. brandy says:

    lol I love how evil this is getting. Okay, I’m not saying anything else until someone gets 200

  197. Airam says:

    Tall Chick takes it!!
    This is like counting down for the New Year for me!

  198. egan says:

    I think Amanda meant “over” as in “Egan you’re completely fucked because the woman who can kick seven feet in the air is present”.

  199. Amanda says:

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….I need a cigarette now and I don’t even fucking smoke.

  200. Tall Chick says:

    Sluggie says “Now Egan has to read over 200 comments?” ^_^

  201. Tall Chick says:

    LOL! Thanks Amanda. 🙂

  202. Airam says:

    Fuck the cigs … let’s all go out for drinks!

  203. brandy says:

    Oh Amanda you make me giggle. But yes, if there was a time for a cigarette, now would be it.

  204. brandy says:

    Or maybe a smore.

  205. egan says:

    Nope, I can skim just like I do with all of your blog entries. If you post pictures, then I comment on them. That’s how I roll.

  206. Tall Chick says:

    Not with the pictures but with the drinks.

  207. Amanda says:

    Smores! Yum.

  208. Tall Chick says:

    Smores and margaritas all around!
    Mollusc says “everybody loves Egan”
    and Sluggie says “tell Egan i love him” ^_^

  209. Airam says:

    Egan!! That’s so mean!

  210. Airam says:

    Are we pushing for 300 now?

  211. egan says:

    This Just In, I have 94 new emails in my Yahoo! inbox. Wicked fun. Good thing I got one of those sweet unlimited ones since I’ve been using them since Dawson’s Creek went off the air.

  212. Amanda says:

    Drinks, too.
    And hey…I just thought of this (I’m a little slow…) how did robot egan get through through typepads robot verifyer thingie?

  213. Tall Chick says:

    That is definitely how he rolls. You can tell because if you explain somethin gin your post, and your post is over 4 words long, he’ll ask for an explanation. ^_^

  214. brandy says:

    You know, being unemployed has it’s perks. I get to drink when I want, AND join book blogs. Speaking of Airam, any suggestions on a first book?

  215. Tall Chick says:

    I skimmed by the book bog stuff.
    Amanda, I have been totally sucky on the read a book and review it blog. Yikes!

  216. tori says:

    Airam-you are killing me!
    Everyone, we are making smores tomorrow night for our corn hole party (it is not dirty, even though it sounds like it is). You can all come if you can find my house.

  217. egan says:

    It’s damn good thing I can’t get preggers because this commenting would make me dilate fast.

  218. Amanda says:

    I think we’re close to 250.

  219. Tall Chick says:

    Tori, that sounds just so – Roman!! Or Greco-Roman. ^_^

  220. brandy says:

    Seriously?? Man. I’ve been wanting a smore since comment like, 139 when it turned into a slumber party.

  221. Amanda says:

    Have Npo read it!! She’s at home, isn’t she?

  222. Airam says:

    Brandy I was thinking that we could all just post on the books that we read on our own. This way it could be a forum where we could make recommendations as well. So whatever you’re reading now … when you’ve finished reading it just go to the blog and write a review on it as opposed to all of us reading the same book at once and writing a review together.
    What do you think?

  223. egan says:

    Tori – I’ve heard of those corn hole parties. My wife comes from your great state and that’s why I may appear to be all knowing.

  224. Amanda says:

    Dammit – 3 different convos again. I’m bound to get confused.

  225. egan says:

    By the end of this post, we might have more words than HP year 7.

  226. brandy says:

    Airam- Yeah, I’m down with that. It will be so much easier than trying to get everyone on board with the same book.

  227. Tall Chick says:

    Mmmm stolen food tasted best. Sluggie can make a mean fried egg sammy!

  228. Amanda says:

    I’m not going home until 300. I’ve decided.

  229. Tall Chick says:

    tastes, not tasted
    though the past tense in now appropriate
    how random

  230. Tall Chick says:

    how many comments can Blogger handle??

  231. Amanda says:

    Or until 4:30. Whichever comes first.

  232. Airam says:

    What number we at yo?

  233. Candy Finningan says:

    Seek help now! Jeff told me there are some addicts here so I’m here to spread the word.

  234. brandy says:

    lol Airam- I love your determination.

  235. Amanda says:

    It’ll be like a multiple O if we get to 300. Good thing I’m a girl.

  236. Airam says:

    This is like Dan’s Blah Blah blog … only it’s Egan’s blah blah blog.

  237. Amanda says:

    Oh shit! Candy Finnigan?? If Ken shows up, we’re all fucked.

  238. Candy Finningan says:

    This isn’t Blogger Tall Chick! And don’t you forget it!

  239. People!
    Take a step back now!!
    You need HELP!

  240. egan says:

    Dan’s blog is out of control, but not in a comment orgy way. I think he’s giving out free reacharounds.

  241. brandy says:

    Airam- the book blog is lovely! I can’t wait to post some stuff up there.

  242. Amanda says:

    Jeff is a stalker. I swear.

  243. Tall Chick says:

    Whoa! Jeff and Candy were posting similar stuff at the same time.
    I forgot this isn’t Blogger.
    Silly me!

  244. brandy says:

    Egan, you remind me of this cute kid I went to school with who looked like he should be on the cover of an apple juice box with his sweet smile but was the one to say the dirtiest things.

  245. Airam says:

    Yay! I sent out the invites to you gals. We need to figure out who else loves to read and would like to participate …

  246. Ken Seeley says:

    Okay, this is a very extreme example of bloggers gone mad. Please people, seek help. Your family needs you.

  247. Tall Chick says:

    reacharounds. . .are you sure that’s used the way you thought. I mean, it works, but I’m thinking it wouldn’t be all that common in hetero. . .

  248. Amanda says:

    Egan says dirty thing? What?

  249. Tall Chick says:

    made me scorch the sandwich, dammit
    Jeff!!! I think I need help after all!

  250. brandy says:

    I will post something in my next blog entry about it, to you know, spread the word.

  251. tori says:

    OK, I am out because while I should have been supervising the showers more closely, I was reading and laughing and now I have a huge water mess to clean up in the bathroom. I hope you make it to whatever number you decide is best.
    Egan-I’ll be thinking about you, and hoping to hear an update about your baby soon!
    Do I still get that comment reader award even though I am skipping out a little early? I’ll come back and read all the comments, I promise!

  252. brandy says:

    In case, you know, the masses haven’t been following this conversation.

  253. Vanilla ice cream is yummy.

  254. Amanda says:

    It’s close! Almost 300!!

  255. egan says:

    Brandy – hey… are you flirting with me? I love apples. I like juice. Maybe I can do that job. My cheeks are rosey, but I’m guessing yours are too.

  256. Amanda says:

    Whatcho talkin’ ’bout BrandY? People wouldn’t be able to follow this convo? Madness.

  257. Tall Chick says:

    oooh Tori! I HATE when that happens. Been there too many times. I feel your. . . dampness.

  258. tori says:

    And yet, I am still reading. I clearly need an intervention.

  259. egan says:

    Okay, you can’t tell me to shut up on my blog. Don’t make me do mean things.

  260. Amanda says:

    Oh dear god!

  261. brandy says:

    Sorry Amanda, I was referring to the book blog. And then Egan thought I was flirting with him. I need to be more specific in my comments.

  262. Tall Chick says:

    Poop! I have to change and go kick my friends in the head

  263. Tall Chick says:

    i was just beating you to the punch Efo

  264. Amanda says:

    ARe we there?

  265. liv says:

    Oh, and just wait until Mrs. Lessinges is taking her first post partum shower and is astounded to realize that Anna is indeed no longer inside her. It’s a totally surreal feeling to see your feet again.

  266. Airam says:

    Oh that’s so mean Egan. So mean.
    I think that Amanda will take awhile before she can forgive you for this …

  267. brookem says:

    friends, im back. and i bear smores and sam summers for all!

  268. brookem says:

    airam, the book things sounds freaking fabulous by the way.
    did i miss anything kinky?

  269. brookem says:

    what is this, everyone is nervous now?

  270. brookem says:

    brandy, i dont have a date this weekend my friend. you would have known about that.

  271. egan says:

    Liv – you got comment 300! Woot woot! I had to calm things down a bit so I turned off commenting for a short while.
    Airam – I think Amanda will laugh and then throw darts at a cardboard cut out of me.
    Brookem – how very kind of you to share. You can try and confuse Brandy all you want, but we all know you’re going to suck face this weekend.

  272. Amanda says:

    Fucking. Bull. Shit.

  273. Amanda says:

    Yeah…I totally came here and checked this first thing getting home (after feeding the cat, of course).

  274. egan says:

    Amanda – tell me you love me and we can call it good. No more hateful words. My ego is very fragile.
    Amanda – Geisha doesn’t need food.

  275. brookem says:

    i just made sure c-mo had water, then i gave him a sip of beer. he is the man of the house and all. gotta keep him happy.

  276. Amanda says:

    I told you. I have a cold shower waiting for me. And a strong shot of tequila.

  277. Amanda says:

    300+ comments and your ego is still fragile? Come on!! You know we love you.

  278. brookem says:

    amanda, want some cheap wine??
    hey, where’s chris is what im sayin?

  279. sprizee says:

    Three. One. Five.

  280. brookem says:

    sprizee, 315 was my dorm room number freshmen year. very good number to be!

  281. Bob says:

    I’m really liking the idea. Although the wikipedia has opened my eyes to even more interesting ideas. Like a lotus birth or a caul birth. As you can see my ability to stay focused at work is breaking down.

  282. M says:

    My word, 317 comments? You’ve gotten popular, mon ami!
    Just wanted to wish you all the best with the delivery, and your wife a SPEEDY mofo recovery.

  283. egan says:

    Brookem – should a feline really be drinking beer? I bet those people who aren’t happy with Michael Vick would be all over your ass.
    Amanda – was the cold shower to your liking?
    Amanda – I can feel the love. It’s very much appreciated. Thank you. Shall we have a blooming onion to celebrate?
    Brookem – Chris is probably shaking his head at all these comments. I was notified by Typepad that my blog went over the USDA requirement for comments.
    Sprizee – your comment sort of trivializes this post. I must put something new up. You see there are 300+ comments on this post right? This should prove my focus level. And that number would be higher if I didn’t turn the comments off for a while.
    M – don’t be fooled by the comments that I got. I’m still, I’m still Eggie from the block. Thank you for the well wishes. It’s been a while since you last stopped by. Nice to hear from you again.
    Brookem – I have added this information to your file.
    Bob – do you write stuff for Wikipedia man? I vaguely recall you saying you do.

  284. egan says:

    Bob – are you thinking about those? I remember seeing the caul stuff in our birthing class. And they chatted about leaving the umbilical cord too. You’re a good man with a full head of hair. These are admirable qualities.

  285. Tall Chick says:

    Haha!! Been a while since I heard people talking about a lotus birth. Some of those I know who tried it said it just got too damn stinky. ^_^

  286. Good for Me says:

    this commenting thing is out of control. thinkin of ya and the mrs. no need to fret. all will be well.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s