We Have a Contraction & Bloody Show

No baby, no baby, no baby…. and stop! 

It might be time to hang a sign in the window of our house.  Every time we drive by our neighbors, they’re all looking in the back of the car to see if Anna has arrived.  Nope, she’s not here yet.  We hope she will arrive soon, but we don’t have much say on this.  Imagine if life was more often like birth, no real control of when things happen.  Would people be more mellow or stressed out?

I had a bit of a freak out today.  A minor one at that.  This weekend is a very busy weekend here with a festival called Seafair.  Traffic is generally a mess, people are going everywhere, and then you these things called the Blue Angels flying around town.  Not only that, but then you have hydroplanes racing on the beloved Lake Washington.

Mrs. Lessinges called me while I was diligently working and reported she had what appears to be her first real contraction.  Meaning she said it was painful in the front and back of her body.  Everything else has been rather mild in pain and centered around her belly.  Could this be a sign?  She was also quite energized this morning.  I was too, but that was after my iced grande triple vanilla latte.  Bring on the caffeine folks!

Signs I’m slightly distracted:

  • during last night’s soccer game I yelled "my ball" loudly and freaked out my teammates
  • I get panicked if my wife is stuck in stop and go traffic (already mentioned)
  • blank stares
  • more emotional ups and downs than Screech
  • unable to return email like I used to
  • my hygiene isn’t as stellar as it was in my modeling days
  • every time my cell phone rings I think "could this be it?"
  • my wardrobe selection is piss poor at best
  • I can’t stop thinking to myself "this is the last [fill in the blank]"
  • a blog entry that’s complete crap
  • I allowed comments on my previous post to top 300+
  • lost in thought and for words more than your average NFL star
  • derived much pleasure from this YouTube clip

UPDATE @ 10:45pm Thursday night: This just in! (that’s for you Brookem) We now have “bloody show” to add to the list. Let me tell you people, that sucker isn’t pretty. I’m not sure which freaked me out more, the mouse caught in the trap earlier tonight or the sight of the “bloody show”. Get ready folks, Anna is on the move! Things are a happening. Doula has been contacted and is on the phone with my wife. Is it wrong that I wanted to take a picture of the “bloody show”? Man oh man, exhale Egan… and Mrs. Lessinges!


About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
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74 Responses to We Have a Contraction & Bloody Show

  1. brookem says:

    im wearing them and i just did! that’s my most favorite snl commercial ever.
    thinking of you and mrs. lessinges a lot these days. flip outs are totally acceptable. and you can shit your pants. you hang in there my friend!

  2. egan says:

    Brookem – you think Anna can wear those Oops™ things? I won’t have to change her for a week if I’m lucky.

  3. brookem says:

    i totally bet she could! the people in the commercial do everything with them!
    hmm.. the word “dung,” that concerns me, just a spec.

  4. Airam says:

    For a second I thought that was “another” video.
    Egan you love that we’re all over your blog! I think that your anxiety is seeping through your blog and into the screens of people who read your blog. And then it comes out of their computer and into the air. And then we breathe the air. And then we take in your anxiety. And then we leave numerous comments. And then, and then, and then.

  5. Tall Chick says:

    Airam nailed it. Yep.
    I better get this baby box out soon then. Well, it’s not like she’s going to need any of this stuff for a few months, but still. . .
    I remember that snl ad. I liked the one for Colon Blow cereal a lot, too. 🙂

  6. Tall Chick says:

    Come to think of it Colon Blow and Oops I Crapped My Pants would go hand in hand quite well. ^_^

  7. egan says:

    You said “colon”

  8. Tall Chick says:

    That’s true. I knew it was your pick for a backup boy name. Named for your favourite snack food, no doubt.

  9. Tall Chick says:

    Appetizing, innit?

  10. Tall Chick says:

    Don’t worry. I’m not going to fill your box up again.

  11. kim says:

    just stopping by checking to see if you are freaking out yet 🙂 glad to see you are so together *snickers*

  12. liv says:

    just sitting here, breathing. oh, shit. that was supposed to be me being calm in the middle of all this nuttiness. now it just sounds creepy.
    om mani padme hum.

  13. justrun says:

    “more emotional ups and downs than Screech ”
    You’re hilarious!
    Here’s hoping it happens soon, all goes well and you’ve had the proper amount of caffeine when it does!

  14. Amanda says:

    Tell Anna that we’re going to quit talking about her until she comes. I don’t think she’ll like the lack of attention.
    Modeling days….pffft. You crack me up.

  15. Robot Egan says:

    comment #1 ARM

  16. egan says:

    Amanda – you have three more comments to post or else…

  17. Tall Chick says:

    You scared her away, you heartless man of metal.

  18. Brother#3 says:

    Frankie says, “RELAX”…don’t do it, Anna will come when she wants to come…HUH!

  19. how the hell did you get 322 comments on your last post? Is this the new chat room?

  20. Lynn says:

    Breathe in, breathe out. Otherwise, you will be an absolute basketcase by the time Anna makes her debut. Anticipating the birth of a baby (especially the first) usually cannot be adequately conveyed to others, however, you seem to be doing a great job expressing yourself. Keep it up! I am reliving the build-up to the birth of my kids. FYI, if the Mrs. chooses not to use drugs during the birth, she may be in for quite a treat. Really

  21. I love the name Anna… can’t wait to see pics of her on this blog soon. Until then, try not to pull a Screech on the Mrs., k? 😉

  22. meno says:

    I am avoiding Seattle until Seafair is over. If i want to see a bunch of sunburned drunks trying to drive boats i can just stay home.
    And the Blue Angels can kiss my ass.

  23. Trick says:

    All of my blog entries are complete crap….I guess I am always distracted
    Previous comment WAS a positive. You are not a BABY, just didn’t have a baby to talk about yet….not sure thats any better but just know…I LOVE YA!

  24. Bob says:

    We’re thinking of you. The first one is the most exciting. Try and remember what you can. Wish NPo our best.

  25. egan says:

    Brookem – who said “dung”? I love that SNL ad more than you’ll ever know. I can’t stand to see you go. (end of Milli Vanilli)
    Airam – nah, but I did bop my head around to the other video today. I can’t get enough of it. You’re spot on and I love that you typed this. I think I was a bit harsh on Amanda earlier today and I feel bad about it. I love that you all care so much. Thank you so much for being there.
    Tall Chick – Colon Blow is the best stuff. Wheat is the right thing to do. Airam is very wise and I love that she has a pulse on this. Can you tell I’m a bit out of whack right now? Holy hell, this could happen soon.
    Tall Chick – isn’t it a great pairing?
    Egan – fuck, what’s the big deal with colon? We all have them. Crikey dude, you need to take a chill pill yo!
    Tall Chick – Colin is also a great name, but I’m partial to names that sound like pharmaceuticals.
    Tall Chick – after viewing the bloody show, there’s absolutely no way I’m clicking on that link.
    Tall Chick – I don’t have a box silly.
    Kim – I was keeping myself together until about 30 minutes ago. See update to this post at the bottom.
    Liv – yoga is so good for soothing. I am certain yoga breathing will be in use during the labor at some point. Crikey, it’s happening.
    Justrun – Screech used to be my hero, it’s a curly hair thing. He’s not cool anymore after I saw him on the weight loss show and his sex video. But yeah, it’s a happening alright. See my update to this post.
    Amanda – Anna has been told this tonight. She’s active though, very very active. I really wish I was kidding about my “modeling days”, but I’m not. That’s a post for another day though. Hey, I adore you. No hard feelings please. Litter this post with comments yo!
    Robot Egan – thanks for tracking this stuff in my absence. You’ve been dismissed for now.
    Tall Chick – I think she ducked off the net for the night. I’m sure she was dying to hear about the “bloody show” that happened. Woot woot!
    Egan – leave her alone, she’ll come back when she good and ready.
    Tall Chick – I really hope not. I would miss her deeply if I scared her away. She will rebound especially after she reads the update.
    Brother #3 – are you pimping those hideous oversized and long white tees that accompanied that song? “hit me hit me hit me with your laser beam”. Yes, mom has been phoned.
    Steppingoverthejunk – don’t ask about the comment thing. It got a little out of hand. I have to say it was quite fun though. My email inbox was packed though. My blog as a chat room? Hmmm, we’ll just see what happens.
    Lynn – she’s not opposed to drugs, but she wants to go as far as she can without them. That’s our birth plan at this point. I’m relaxing by commenting on my blog. Yippee!
    Desiree – the picture of Anna may be here soon based on tonights developments. I’m not going to be able to sleep a wink tonight. I guess I should get used to it.
    Meno – you can’t fool me, you love Seafair. Hey, we have a party to attend in Issaquah on Saturday. Would you mind attending for us? Thanks. The Blue Angels fly right over our house yo! I don’t mind them as much as the drunk fools down on Lake Washington Boulevard. You crack me up.
    Trick – nothing wrong with being a bit distracted. I’m completely distracted as I type this. Packing the bag for the hospital and all that mumbo jumbo.

  26. egan says:

    Bob – hey man, thanks for that. I read your comment aloud to N-PO. We really appreciate your thoughts and I will do my best to track everything for future reference.

  27. mez says:

    ooooo a bloody show! I’m so excited for you and N. This is very cool. Remember to breathe deep and be “the rock” (not the actor).

  28. qt says:

    I am so excited for you! By the time you read this, Anna might have arrived…
    I can’t believe meno doesn’t like the Blue Angels. The drunks on the lake I can do without.

  29. Tricia says:

    Anytime Egan! Anytime! I am so excited for you both.
    You are about to experience something so cool that words cannot describe!
    **hugs** to you and your awesome wifey!

  30. Chris says:

    This commenting is out of control wild eh? That commercial rocks!
    You need to draw the line at photographing blood except for when it’s your own.
    Do whatever it is you need to get through this but dude, you really should hop into the shower already – your stinking up the Internets.
    I remember seeing a comedian in Nashville that talked about not changing his baby for a while because the package said “good up to 8 lbs.”
    I know I’m all the way on the other side of the country, but know that I am here for ya if there is actually anything I can do for ya. Hugs to both you and mamma-to-be.

  31. brookem says:

    oh i just read your update and got more than a spec teary. anna’s on her way!
    (the dung thing?, shit, maybe i sent you the wrong video link because in the other one he’s talking about the “diapers” and said they “sure can hold a lot of dung.”)
    thinking of you and mrs. l lots!

  32. Amanda says:

    Holy Hell!!! Mucous! Eww and YAYAYAYAYAY!!!
    OH, AND I totally would have commented more, but yours was the last blog I read/commented before I shut down the ‘puter and relaxed for the night.

  33. Amanda says:


  34. Amanda says:

    You seriously wanted to take a picture? Did Mrs. L want to punch your face? Just asking.

  35. Amanda says:

    You’re not going to be at work today, are you? You thought you were a wee bit distracted yesterday…now that the BS (I can’t type it out man…I can’t do it) has happened doesn’t that mean it’s really close? Maybe I need to go re-read the meaning of that word. I have a lot to learn about pregnancy, yo.

  36. justrun says:

    My oh my, I can only imagine what’s happening right now. Yes, exhale, but breathe it all in, too.

  37. tori says:

    I love this post. It is so awesome to let us know exactly how you are feeling!
    I can’t wait to read the update about her actually being born!
    I never got to experience any of the real labor so I will live vicariously through your wife. Although something tells me I shouldn’t be too upset about missing the bloody show part!

  38. Tall Chick says:

    Whoa!! That’s exciting!!! I think it was 3 days from bloody show to baby for me the first time around. The next three times, like with the water breaking and the “dropping,” it didn’t happen until actual labour.
    I guess Anna isn’t going to make it to Fishy’s bday after all. I’d even say “maybe you’re at the hospital right now.” But I think I know better. You’d post before heading out the door, wouldn’t you?
    I posted from the hospital while I was in labour with Fishy. ^_^

  39. Delton says:

    This is exciting! I’m done with having more & frankly this is about as close as I want to get to all the responsibility that comes with a newborn, but it’s still fun. Can’t wait to hear another update!

  40. egan says:

    EVERYONE – we’re not at the hospital, but it was a rather restless night’s sleep for me. I’m heading into to work to tie up some loose ends and we’ll see where we go from there. Mrs. Lessinges is snoring right now. I’ll do my best to keep you posted. Yes, I said snoring… I think she’s entitled to snore. Me, not so much.

  41. sizzle says:

    yay! yay! yay!
    thinking of you both. breathe egan!

  42. brookem says:

    oops i crapped my pants are biodegradable. now that’s good for the environment.

  43. brookem says:

    ….on second thought….
    i think i better sit this one out.

  44. brookem says:

    oh, and onto your little update…
    glad to hear that mrs. L is snoozing away right now. good luck tying up what you need to at work! thinking of you guys!

  45. brookem says:

    oh and thanks for the “this just in!”… it almost got me. when i saw the update and red i almost opps i crapped MY pants.

  46. Amanda says:

    Ok, is anyone else refreshing this page as many times as I am to see if there’s more updates? Living vicariously is hard work, Egan!

  47. Good for Me says:

    So exciting! you’d think no one else in the world had ever had a baby before…but this is YOUR first! Woo-hoo!
    ANd let her snore, darn right she’s entitled!!!

  48. Amanda says:

    But…I suppose actually having the baby is slightly harder. So, I shall zip my lip, now.
    I love that you told us all the Mrs. L is snoring. And I bet she’s gonna love it even more.

  49. egan says:

    What’s the happs y’all?

  50. egan says:

    Egan – rumor has it some woman in Arkansas (yes, easy target) had her seventeenth child yesterday.

  51. Airam says:

    Egan make sure that when you buy diapers for Anna that you buy some Depends as well for Brookem!!
    Seems she’s having a little problem holding in her poo poo!

  52. egan says:

    poo poo on the potty

  53. Logo™ says:

    I’m still trying to recover from even the thought of a VBAC
    But congrats on the pain and blood, that is just awesome.

  54. Amanda says:

    Ha! I was going to post that link and ask you if that what you & Mrs. L were going to shoot for in the future. Can you imagine 17 little E-Fo’s running around?

  55. *pixie* says:


  56. Golden says:

    Okay it’s 9:45 am. I need an update! The Mrs. is probably still snoring. You are probably still at work (you’re crazy..lol). This is so exciting! I’ve been checking your blog all morning!
    haha.. Nashville comedian.. good up to 8 lbs.. that’s hilarious.

  57. egan says:

    The woman with 17 kids is probably completely stable and I’m sure she does not live vicariously through her kids. Wow! I better stop chatting about the Duggars.
    Can you tell I’m not able to focus?

  58. Amanda says:

    Why can’t you focus? Are you excited about something?
    (seriously, don’t hit me).

  59. egan says:

    [twiddles thumbs]

  60. Pants says:

    I guess Anna’s not here yet since you’re still commenting?
    One of my co-workers gave me a knife as a farewell gift.

  61. *pixie* says:

    Are you timing the contractions yet?

  62. egan says:

    Pants – they didn’t really give you a knife did they? Tell them you’re a bow hunter. She’s not here for reals, but I bet things happen either this weekend or Monday.

  63. egan says:

    *pixie* – well that’s the thing, not much on that front yet… so weird how these things work. I think Mrs. Lessinges is home sleeping.

  64. *pixie* says:

    Then just try to relax while you still have an opportunity. Are you packed for the hospital?

  65. brookem says:

    egan, did you post to yourself up there? about the arkansas woman? or was that robot egan?

  66. Pants says:

    No really, I did get a knife from a hardcore outdoorsman co-worker!

  67. brandy says:

    Geez. Why is it when it’s a slow day I will post oh, 86 comments and then on a BIG day I’m slow getting here and are late getting on the excited bandwagon??!

  68. brandy says:

    But I’m excited now. And nervous. Which is ridiculous, because I’m not having the baby. Oh, today is going to be a good day.

  69. egan says:

    *pixie* – we’re most definitely packed for hospital. My wife has been done for a few weeks now. Since I’m a procrastinator, I finished last weekend.
    Brookem – that was me posting to me. I’m that weird today.
    Pants – aw, what a nice parting gift. It’s not everyday you get a knife from a co-worker.

  70. egan says:

    Brandy – ha, don’t worry… your comments are just as important. I’m reading them all. I’m glad you’re as excited. I had to tell myself to exhale just now. Yikes, I’m going to be a freak by the end of this day. This is also how I get before big triathlons. Yippee!

  71. patches says:

    dude, I can’t believe you just compared the miracle of life to the untimely death of a house pest. And if you insist on taking photos of the bloody show, we’ll have to apply for a grant from the NEA.
    Strength and fortitude, Egan!

  72. egan says:

    Patches – oops, my bad. Rodents aren’t the same as giving birth to a bloody show. It will never happened again. Both were rather cringe worthy.

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