Big Guys Make Poor Decisions

Unwisegiz_2

BIG GIZ

I spied this lovely customized license plate today.  I had to do a triple take and then grab my camera phone.  Perhaps I’m a bit too hooked on phonics for my own good?  This is precisely why it’s not always a good idea to be clever with your license plate.  I resisted the urge to etch "must you share your sexual exploits?" on the side of the minivan. 

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When I’m overtired I sing songs to my daughter that should never enter one’s ear.  This morning I was singing this riff in a falsetto called "sweet sunshine".  After about three repeats of the Sweet Sunshine chorus, I think my wife was going to kill me.  I can’t blame her considering my talents as a singer are lacking.  It was determined I would get weekend custody of the child, that’s how bad my singing is.  I will make this song available via a podcast for all those interested parties.  Recently I’ve been making up all kinds of weird songs which clearly shows I’m stable.

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Last night I pushed Anna in the stroller for roughly 106 minutes.  It was great exercise for me, Anna got to nap, and mom got a break from parenting for just a bit of time.  I know this will sound materialistic and crap, but I sure do love our Bob jogging stroller.  It rocks the house yo.  Bob is a stroller, not a big guy!  That’s what we say in The Giz Biz.   I’ve come to grips with the fact I just might be a yuppie.  I’m going to attach a "stroller computer" so I can track mileage walked with said stroller.   Who needs Hydroxycut™? 

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For shits and grins, go here to see some of my handy work.

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Podcast test, shhhh!

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About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Curmudgeonly, Headphones Required, Officially Bizarre, Raging Dork. Bookmark the permalink.

48 Responses to Big Guys Make Poor Decisions

  1. brookem says:

    oh? there’s more to this post? hang on let me go back and read the whole thing rather than picking choice words out….
    did you know bob is good for life in the burbs? as long as you’re not singing gettin some to anna-belle, then i think you’re okay.
    sitting waiting and wishing for the podcast with your singing delights.

  2. brookem says:

    B I double G I Z.

  3. egan says:

    Brookem – how dare you!
    Brookem – are you channeling Jack Johnson? That’s okay, I’m playing the role of Bill & Steve on someone’s blog. It’s tiresome, but someone’s got to do it.

  4. egan says:

    Brookem – how does one spell that word that’s on the tip of my tongue? Shit, that sounds really naughty.

  5. sprizee says:

    Totally. Yuppie. Sellout.

  6. L says:

    Oh! I love random made up songs! You should totally record them for Anna to hear when she’s older.

  7. Michelle says:

    Good day, sunshine! Good day sunshine! I wonder if I’m thinking of the same song? My dad used to sing some sunshine song to me. He also lacks singing skills, and look at how err, normal, I turned out to be 🙂
    The other day I saw a license plate that said “MR. BIG.” The guy was in his car, but he had really dark tints on his window.

  8. egan says:

    Sprizee – bite your tongue. There are no Volvos in the family and I only get a mani-pedi twice a year. So not a yuppie.
    L – if I record it, she will leave.
    Michelle – makes you really wonder what the hell that guy was doing in his car. I have a theory, don’t trust people with tinted windows. Mr. Big eh? He’s trying to fool everyone. Did you raise your pinky in his general direction?

  9. brookem says:

    just to be the next to be with you…

  10. egan says:

    Brookem – are you really quoting that song? You love the lead singer’s hair don’t you?

  11. brookem says:

    i probably would love his hair. can i run my fingers through it?

  12. egan says:

    Brookem – pubes?

  13. brookem says:

    yeah. what’s that thing called again, flobie? mmhmm.

  14. brookem says:

    flow-bee.

  15. brookem says:

    HAIRCUT CLEAN UP IS ONLY A SUCTION AWAY!

  16. Phats says:

    I think that plate is hilarious!! I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said
    “I’d rather be cumming than stroking”

  17. egan says:

    Phats – really? now that’s a bit out there for my likes. Might as well say you’re a slut or some shit. I’m in awe the one I posted was even allowed by our lovely state government.

  18. egan says:

    Brookem – the Flowbee can do wonders for a person’s self esteem. Read the testimonials on their website. The Flowbee is a legendary late night tv purchase, keep up.

  19. armalicious says:

    havret

  20. armalicious says:

    brookem rules
    aeva says hi…shes spending the night with auntie arm.

  21. armalicious says:

    and she’s pooping her pants as i type this…

  22. egan says:

    armalicious – ha, welcome to my world. I try to type a post and Anna cries or poops or wants me to hold her. So demanding I tell you. I’m excited you get to babysit for the night. It’s a huge help to your bro, trust me. Havret needs help!

  23. armalicious says:

    she likes my singing though….especially when I sing like Ariel from the little mermaid…

  24. egan says:

    armalicious – the good thing is you CAN sing. Me, not so talented in the vocal chord department. Don’t make me prove how bad I am.

  25. egan says:

    Kirk – Gizmodo is a sweet site. I really have a tough time not pronouncing it in a naughty way though. Geez. Giz. Jiz. Forget it, I can’t don’t it any longer.

  26. Amy says:

    When I saw that you were out with Anna for 106 minutes in a jogging stroller I just about had a heart attach, but then I saw that you used the word “walked” to described your outing.
    I’m sure you know (but I’m going to say this for anyone who may not know) that you aren’t supposed to actually jog with that stroller until she is quite a bit bigger (I think it is about 20lbs, I don’t know the exact number… and the recommendations might be different in the USA).

  27. mez says:

    it doesn’t make any sense with the soft g sound anyway – what are they trying to say? I like your interpretation much better – …those dirty minivan bastards.

  28. meno says:

    i get e-mails all the time telling me how i can have Bigger Giz.
    Maybe they are from this guy.

  29. Chris says:

    Bob is F I E R C E !

  30. brandy says:

    Dude, that stroller is nicer than my truck, by a lot. Good deal though, I think it’s important that Anna has a nice set of wheels. As for the singing, don’t stop. Falsettos are hot. Seriously though, studies show that babies who have fathers who sing to them grow up to be bilingual and more likely to kick ass. Okay, I don’t know if that’s true but it could be so let’s not screw around with the details of truth and lies. Cool?

  31. ChickyBabe says:

    I don’t get the car thing… please explain what a GIZ is for the dummies…

  32. nessa says:

    I was just looking at the pictures of your daughter there to the left. She is very beautiful.

  33. Tall Chick says:

    That’s quite a plate! Not a lot of phonics instruction in Seattle, then?
    Or maybe it’s advertising. Are there any stud farms out your way? There was a stud/breeding farm not far from our house in WI. They had a sign kind of like a church sign that they changed maybe every month. They used to put the funnies things on there!
    I’m glad you’re coming to terms with your yuppuality. ^_^

  34. Tall Chick says:

    Oh and PS, making up goofy songs is part of what comes with the parenting territory. ^_^

  35. Tall Chick says:

    PPS
    Was it, indeed, a guy?

  36. you were a yuppie even before the baby stroller! 🙂

  37. ariel says:

    armalicious, i was ariel in a play one time.
    up where they walk, up where they run… up where they stay all day in the suuuunnn….

  38. sandra says:

    Bob needs a vanity plate…!

  39. Airam says:

    Big Giz!!! Wow!! I wonder if that guy has any kids who he drives around to soccer practice. I’d be a little embarrassed dropping off my daughter to brownies with a licence plate that said “big giz”. I don’t read it as big “guys” but rather as big “jizz”.

  40. celeste says:

    LOL!! Oh man, I wonder if that person realized exactly how innappropriate that plate really is?!
    Walking is excellent exercise and really good stress relief. Keep it up!

  41. tori says:

    That license plate is very funny, but the funniest part is that it is on a minivan!?! I wonder what they thought they were writing? I would have read it the same way you did.
    I make up songs all the time, and have since I had my first baby. The very first song I made up was “Please Don’t Cry While I’m in the Shower” It could be a new hit song, right?
    I also butcher real songs and change them a little to make them fit things I am doing. I used to rock my 4th baby to sleep and sing Keep on Rockin Me to him. He just recently heard it on the radio and started screaming that it is “his song” so I couldn’t have sung it too badly if it was still recognizable, right?

  42. Eunice says:

    That photo just made my day. I nominate sending it to Maxim as “unintentional porn.”

  43. egan says:

    Amy – we chatted about this. As I explained to you, Anna was actually in her car seat and not the stroller. It’s all good, thanks for your concern.
    Mez – thanks for confirming this. As a teacher, I will trust your interpretation. Thank you very much. Minivan owners are raunchy.
    Meno – damn those spammers and their minivans. Do you have siblings who are big giz?
    Chris – you got that right. Don’t mess with the stroller.
    Brandy – I think my heart just skipped a beat upon reading your comment. Hold me… tighter!
    ChickyBabe – I think the license plate is supposed to mean “guys” and a bodily fluid. I read it as the bodily fluid term, jizz… as Airam calls it.
    Nessa – huh, you’re in love with our daughter aren’t you?
    Tall Chick – I’m not sure what’s in the water here in Seattle. We did have a guy who liked his horse more than he should have. Is that what you mean? I would assume the owner was a man. Is that something you would put on your Toyota minivan?
    steppingoverthejunk – really? You mean that? Hmm, I need to think about this “yuppie” label some more.
    Ariel/Brookem – you’ve been in plays? Sweet, so has Armalicious. Wicked good news, I’m going to film a movie and you’re invited to act.
    Sandra – the BOB totally needs a vanity plate or sweet rims like those spinners.
    Airam – I think you nailed it. I really can’t believe the plate ever got approved, but maybe my state government has a sense of humor afterall. Soccer.
    Celeste – I get the feeling he probably did and that’s his little inside joke.
    Tori – I can’t tell if there’s ever time I haven’t butchered a song. I’m lyrically challenged to say the least. I’m glad most people are reading the license plate the way I did. It shocked me at first glance.
    Eunice – can we make money by submitting it to Maxim?

  44. not ursala says:

    “acted in plays” should be used verrry loosely. it was in kindergarden and, maybe one time in some christmas “pagent” i was a mouse or something. and that’s all.
    ha, you told airam she “nailed.” i love it.

  45. egan says:

    Not Ursula/Brookem – is your mind in the gutter? You love the “nailed it” line don’t you?
    Hey, I consider myself a seasoned actor based on what I did in sixth and 8th grades. Move over Christian Bale, Egan is here.

  46. Pants says:

    I like the whispery podcast…please promise they will all be in hushed voice.

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