I Want My Two Stories

Fine, you bloggers think you’re soooo damn smart.  Well I’m going to show you who’s boss now.  Below are two stories and you must figure out which one is false and which one is true as shit.  I don’t like the fact my last story was so obvious as some of you stated.  My fragile ego took a hit (not that kind) and thinks retribution must happen.  Brace yourselves bloggers and get reading.  There might be a handmade prize for correct answers.  Let the extrapolation begin!

(spoiler alert: answer revealed in footnote at bottom of this post)

Story #1: Once upon a time I was a bit more naïve and scrawny than I am today, but that’s not really important here.  I was a very moderately talented actor during my short theatrical run.  By short theatrical run I mean two plays, one in grade school and one in middle school.  I played Mercutio in Romeo & Juliet and some lame robot in the middle school play. 

Before all my college buddies shared an apartment with me, they lived in the campus dorms.  I’d wander across the street and visit when I should’ve been studying.  We’d hang out in their rooms and do stupid things (prank calls, tip over three wheeled golf carts, blow-up dolls in elevators, etc.) to get attention and avoid anything ressembling research. 

One brisk night a few cute girls were walking by the dorm and my friends decided to serenade them.  I looked around and wondered to myself why I wasn’t singing.  Then it dawned on me how scared I am to sing and how painfully shy I am around the female species.  Instead of singing, I thought I would yell something titillating out the open window. 

"Your moves… they are so sensual"

During the same year, I got a job at a bakery in a trendy mall.  Early one morning a woman delivered a handwritten note, stating she wanted to go out with me.  She smiled and quickly walked away.  I couldn’t stop thinking about this cute girl all day long.  When I got home I bravely called the number on the piece of paper, damn that final digit was hard to push.  When the female voice answered, she claimed to not know me.  I asked "you’re Christina right?"  She verified her identity, but denied ever meeting me.  I called her digits a few more times over the next couple weeks without success.  In 2006, 14 years later, I learned this was an elaborate hoax created by my buddies.  The girl who gave me her number was some random woman they met that day in the mall.  My buddies handwrote the note and begged her to deliver it.  The phone number was a legit number using our university phone directory.  Gullible Egan was born!

On the same day I got the note, I complimented a customer… or so I thought. I told her the dress she was wearing was pretty and how it reminded me of wallpaper in my mom’s bedroom.  See, I was so naïve.

Story #2: My mom always told me you get what you pay for.  Think about all the things in life you pay for, haircuts, food, cars, coffee, exotic vacations, a reacharound, your space on the net, etc., and what you get in return.  Perhaps the things we don’t pay for are even better since no dollar value is associated. 

My first official job was at a local Baskin Robbins sweet shop.  I got this job when I was sixteen and it made me feel like the wealthiest person on earth.  The first 16 years of my life I had to beg, borrow, and steal to get money.  I only took money from one brother, but that’s a story for another day.  Getting a paycheck for scooping ice cream and mopping floors was a tasty job.  I rode my brother’s junky white ten speed to each shift. 

Overwhelmed, yet delighted by my paycheck, I opened a bank account.  I faithfully deposited my paycheck every couple weeks and slowly watched my balance grow.  Now, what the hell does a high school kid buy with his money?

I decided to purchase my first computer, a used Mac Classic for $500 from a friend.  Within a year I was downloading stuff illegally using a 300 baud modem and corresponding with people around the globe in the primitive days of the internet.  Once you go Mac, you can never go back!  I got what I paid for alright, a lifelong addiction to all things Mac.


UPDATE: Story #2 is the fake, but only slightly.  I’m embarrassed to admit Story #1 is completely true.  Story #2 isn’t true since my first computer wasn’t a Mac, it was a Commodore 64 purchased for $300 from a buddy on my swim team.  I didn’t really rush off to open up a bank account either.  I’m fairly certain I didn’t just steal money from one brother, several were unlucky.  Finally, nobody should ever pay for a reacharound.  Those should be free as a part of doing business.  Now, I must go see my daughter and stop the fabrications. I do realize Story #2 isn’t true fiction since I only changed a few minor details of a true story. Normal blogging will resume very soon.


About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Games, Raging Dork, Storytelling, Who Edits a Blog Entry. Bookmark the permalink.

46 Responses to I Want My Two Stories

  1. brandy says:

    I think it’s weird that I’m nervous right now. I want to guess correctly!

  2. egan says:

    Brandy – no need to be nervous, this blog doesn’t bite. It’s a kinder gentler blog. 2008 baby!

  3. JQ says:

    It’s story #1. No, wait, it was story #2.
    Oh, I can’t tell.

  4. kirk says:

    I don’t even have to read the stories to know. They are both pernicious lies.

  5. egan says:

    JQ & Kirk – dudes, I’m not done yet so you will have to come back and give better guesses later.

  6. Maggie says:

    Well then I’m waiting for more information. Although I’m already leaning towards number 2. But I ain’t giving away my deductive reasoning yet.

  7. egan says:

    Maggie – I’m on to you. I know how you’re thinking and by announcing your pick ahead of time, you’re hedging bets that I will change my stories around. Hells no, that isn’t going to happen. If that’s not your deductive reasoning, then ignore the stuff above this sentence.

  8. Chris says:

    I think #2 is the fluke.

  9. egan says:

    Chris – I wasn’t done yet, now I am. Please tell me why you think #2 is the fluke.

  10. justrun says:

    Forget real, you had me at the use of the word “scrawny.” It’s so funny. Say it over and over… scrawny. SCRAWNY. Scraaaawwwwny. Ha.
    But for what it’s worth, I’m going with #2 as perhaps being only partially “true.”

  11. brandy says:

    Damn you Egan and your clever mind. So originally I thought the first one was the lie, but then the second story seems a lot more simple- so that seems like it would be a clever device to make IT the lie. But you love Macs. But were you dorky enough to spend your money on a computer instead of a wide variety of hypercolor t-shirts like all the cool kids?
    I do not know.
    Okay screw it. I’m going with #2 being the lie. And I will live with this choice for the rest of my days.

  12. Gwen says:

    I loved that movie (“I want my two dollars! I want my two dollars!”)! Awesome!
    Okay, I think #2 is the lie. Don’t ask me why.
    Or maybe they’re both untrue.

  13. JQ says:

    I don’t know a lot about you, but I would have to guess that #2 is the lie. I only say this because I want to believe you are the kind of person to scream “Your moves…they are so sensual.”

  14. Chris says:

    There are items presented as fact in #1 that my feeble brain tends to recall reading previously on your blog. Now that I re-read #2, I am even more convinced it is the fluke because I seem to recall you mentioning that N-Po is the fiscally responsible-er of the two of you leading me to believe the whole bank account this may be a ruse.

  15. Airam says:

    I would like to echo everyone’s comments.

  16. Maggie says:

    I think number 2 is the real story. Number one is a fake because I don’t know any grade school that puts on Shakespeare plays. That little detail just sticks like a burr in my side.

  17. liv says:

    i think #2 is true. but, i also skimmed both stories, and confess to not paying as much attention as i could have.

  18. Pants says:

    Number one is true! Number one! Number one!

  19. Daniel B. says:

    Story #2: TRUE AS SHIT!!

  20. Tall Chick says:

    I know better than to believe that anything you say EVER is true. OK, so I forgot that yesterday, but I remembered again today.

  21. egan says:

    Justrun – one of the stories is completely true. So you’re guess is number two is partially true? I see how you think. Scrawny, scrawny, scrawny.
    Brandy – you’re going to have to live with your choice for just a while longer until I reveal the fake story. Hypercolor shirts evaded me, I wasn’t cool enough to own one. I did covet a classmate’s fluorescent coat though.
    Gwen – in order to live in Illinois, you must love any movie feature John Cusack. Okay, your selection has been noted. One story is completely true.
    JQ – I think it’s great you caught on to that one. Who knows if that’s true or not… hmmm.
    Chris – you’re deductive reasoning is fun. I’m really curious how people will choose which could be true or not.
    Airam – oh no you didn’t. Echo? Come on girlfriend, where’s your explanation for why you said “echo”.
    Maggie – you’re very good in your detective work. Stay tuned for the answer.
    Liv – you get huge bonus points for admitting you skim read the post. I admire a good skim reader.
    Pants – I heard you on the number one thing. You’re very sure of this one. We’ll have to see. How’s the new jay oh bee?
    Daniel B. – well hello and welcome to my blog. For a new reader, you sound very confident with your guess, that or you just don’t give a shit… both are very acceptable. Nice bikes on your site. I should give you a picture of my Softride.
    Tall Chick – hey, I’m Jeff Vader. I run this cantina. Fine I will take a tray.

  22. ms chica says:

    Bases on the adolescent theory you need more details when you lie than when you tell the truth, #1 is partially true….but very believable.

  23. Amy says:

    I’m guessing the first one is the fabricated story for two reasons. First, I didn’t see a natural flow between your acting intro and the rest of the story, and 2 you might have been too young in junior high to be in Romeo and Juliet (that’s more of a high school play).
    Originally I was going to go with the second story because I didn’t believe at 16 you would “save” your money…but I’m officially going with story number 1.

  24. tori says:

    I believe if either of the stories are actually true, it is number one. I would love to believe you were both gullible and scrawny. It would make me love you just that much more.
    Seriously? Like your mom’s wallpaper? I really hope that is true! That sounds like a line my husband would have used on me…but I would have thought he was kidding and laughed. Note here that he was totally clueless when I met him and would have been completely serious even though I would have taken it as him being silly.

  25. celeste says:

    I think #2 is the fabrication. When you were 16, the internet was still just some lofty idea of engineers at NASA! 😉

  26. SSC says:

    Whatever they are both fraudulent I say!!!!

  27. allison says:

    I think #2 is false. Something about the time frame, worldwide web and your age maybe not adding up. I can’t remember…tell me again how old you are, and I may revise my guess.

  28. allison says:

    screw waiting! I’m changing my answer to #1. I think #1 is false. I believe I remember you being just a bit younger than me. Mac Classics were made from 1990-92, so if you got a used one for 500$, it was after that, meaning the worldwide web was up, full tilt. Since you’re a techie by nature, I believe that you’re one of it’s earliest browsers (I never sent an email until 1992). Either way-they both read as non-fiction, but that’s just because you write well. Mission accomplished!

  29. egan says:

    Ms. Chica – bringing out old school theory I see. Good thing I anticipated this thought process ahead of time. I will reveal the true story later today.
    Amy – you’re wise in your ways. Going with the continuity problems, you could be right.. or you could be wrong. It’s a 50/50 thing so stay tuned. 16 year old boys have a bad rap.
    Tori – I can’t answer your questions just yet, but I will. I can’t giveaway which story is true as shit yet. Scrawny seems to be a good word choice. Women don’t like scrawny men do they?
    Celeste – are you trying to use logic?
    SSC – oh really? What makes you so certain? I will say this, one of the stories is completely true.
    Allison – hello and welcome to my blog. I’m 34, born in May of 1973. Thanks for dropping a comment and getting me to confess my age on your first comment. Well done.

  30. egan says:

    Allison – I see you’re chomping at the bit and now changing your answer. You’ve put a lot of thought into this I see, maybe more than I did with the fictional story. Did you see Netscape Navigator is calling it quits next month?

  31. allison says:

    So how long do I have to wait to find out the truth??
    Hmmmm, funny you should talk of Netscape Navigator tanking. I thought it died around 2002, but, alas, a revival via Netscape Navigator 9. I personally use firefox (only because I’m the computer teacher, and that’s what my school provides.) I guess I’d choose it myself, as well, or Safari. Whatever works!

  32. egan says:

    Allison – I like that you’re getting antsy for the answer. I will divulge the truth this afternoon. Let’s say 1:30pm Pacific Standard Time. I think I’m done pimping the post so I can reveal the true story. I use IE at work, but use Safari at home because Safari kicks IE’s ass on the Mac. Firefox is still a tad bit too slow for my liking.

  33. Pants says:

    New jay oh bee is OK. I’m still feeling very much special…but that’s normal, right? I hope so. Though I will say, everyone seems really nice.

  34. egan says:

    Pants – and you can bee elle oh gee from there? Now that’s a good gig.

  35. justrun says:

    Forgive me if I cannot resist the urge to say: HA! I so called that shit!
    (I can’t believe I said/typed that.)

  36. JQ says:

    I knew it! There was just too many things about the first story that seemed to unbelievable not to be true.
    “Your moves…they are so sensual.”
    I love it.

  37. egan says:

    Justrun – I know, you can’t be fooled. Feel free to brag to your friends about how brilliant you are, do it.
    JQ – I tried to throw people off with my horrible wallpaper line. I see that didn’t even do the trick for many people.

  38. Tall Chick says:

    Jeff Vader of Cheem?
    So you really do like them? Cool!
    I think the giveaway was that no one could buy a Mac for $500 back then.

  39. Aaron says:

    Story #1 was worth a good laugh. Thanks for sharing!

  40. LOL, damn the spolier! I enjoyed the stories though.

  41. egan says:

    Tall Chick – yes, you know I love those Eddie Izzard Lego clips. Eddie on his own is damn funny, then you add in the Lego and it makes it even better. Such a clever idea. A brand new Mac Classic sold for $1000 in 1990.
    Aaron – a good laugh is right. I said some rather dumb things I thought were flattering in my early 20s.
    Emmaenlighted – glad you liked them. How’s Spain?

  42. SSC says:

    I feel as though I lost my touch, I guess I won’t be going to Vegas anytime soon.. Well you win some you lose some. Try us again, bring it on, I put my game face on!!!!

  43. egan says:

    SSC – I will try it again and the fake story will be completely fake, not just a detail here and there. It will be straight up fiction yo! I can’t wait to see the game face.

  44. Bemused says:

    I missed this one… but I quickly read it in my RSS feed before you revealed the spoiler.
    I lost. I picked story 1 as fake. “Your moves… they are so sensual” made me laugh so hard.

  45. egan says:

    Bemused – yep, my buddies were laughing right along with you. Sadly that is true and thus the reason I didn’t have a girlfriend for the first 19 years of my life. Ugh.

  46. Judi says:

    Since you’ve told various parts of the first story, I knew it was true without having to read the spoiler alerts.

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