Like Luke with One Hand

Crapola, I spent 20 minutes typing a thought provoking non-sarcastic post only to have it lost in the bowels of Internet Explorer.  I blame those damn enhanced security permissions of Internet Explorer 7.  I gave it permission to open a new page et voilà, my serious post was gone.  Poof!  Lucky you since it was a sappy diddy about how wondeful bloggers are.  Perhaps I’ll revisit the topic another day.  The post may have included a picture of me in a Speedo and may have involved a prize giveaway.  C’est dommage!  That’s French for "I’d like a reacharound with that blog post".

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Four days until my wife abandons me for a week.  Last night I loaded Skype on her work computer so we can video conference and instant message over the internet across the Pacifique.  My wife contacted some of our friends who generously offered to stop by our pad for an hour or two during my wife’s absence.  This will give me a little break to get out of the house in the event I’m on stress overload.  I’m hoping that won’t be the case, but I love my wife’s forward thinking. 

What am I most nervous about being home alone with my daughter for a week?  I’m not looking forward to clipping her fingernails.  I’m also not wild about giving her a bath on my own.  My wife and I bathe her together, but it’s rather awkward doing it alone.  It’s my hope our daughter is nice and healthy so she will be sleeping through the night like she did last night.  Other than those two items, I feel very comfortable taking care of our daughter on my own.  I’ve done it many times already to give my wife a night off.  My wife and I are very good about sharing the parental duties, so it will be weird for me to be the sole parental unit.   

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On this note, quick childhood story for you.  As a child I liked to practice my throwing arm.  I enjoyed launching rocks at targets.  It’s fair to say I broke a few windows long before I ever broke any hearts.  Come to think of it, I doubt I ever broke any hearts, that’s what I’m telling myself.  My younger brother and I would go to the lake or beach and throw rocks at rocks.  He’d throw the rock way up in the air and then I’d try to hit the plummeting stone with another rock.  It was wonderful family bonding.  One rebellious day I threw a rock at a car passing in front of our house.  I immediately hid in the bushes, hoping to evade the pissed off motorist.  No such luck, the unlucky driver found me popping a squat in the bushes and lectured me big time.  I can’t remember what happened after that, but I do recall never throwing rocks at moving cars again.  Maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t have a boy.  Girls don’t throw rocks do they?  Also, are girls capable of breaking hearts?

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About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
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49 Responses to Like Luke with One Hand

  1. egan says:

    Chris – well done sir! Claiming the top spot is so 2005.

  2. Chris says:

    Is it safe to assume that you were using IE7 on a PC? If so, is Office 2007 on that PC? I ask because in Word 2007 they built a Publish to Blog feature which is kinda neat and helps to avoid those IE7 security issues.
    I think you’ll do terrific with Anna.
    I used to throw charcoal briquets at a neigbor acros the way who had white aluminum siding. My goal was to leave a nast black charcoal mark but I took out a few windows too; and laughed every time.

  3. egan says:

    Chris – I’m using XP with Office 2003 so no ‘publish to blog’ feature is available. Charcoal, now that’s some nasty treat for your neighbors. Anna and I are going to make many music videos next week and we might include Matt Damon.

  4. Cléa says:

    Damn IE7 on a PC! 😛

  5. egan says:

    Cléa – I blame your blog for this. I make some rude remarks about crappy PCs there and then my entry disappeared.

  6. Cléa says:

    I told you it was possessed. Yesterday after I posted a photo within that post, and it published fine, it then disappeared. Poof!
    Careful… the PCs are taking over. While the Mac are going to Hollywood.

  7. NS1 says:

    I don’t know if girls throw rocks but I was hit by one thrown by a little boy 23 years ago and it has left permanent damage.

  8. egan says:

    Cléa – oh boy, I can’t keep up this Mac/PC stuff. The PCs have been taking over for a long time. Last I heard Mac laptops have about 5% of the market at best. I can’t debate this topic on two different blogs, I’ve got too much on my plate.
    NS1 – whoa, long time no comment. Boys are evil that’s all I’m telling you. Did the boy ever apologize for the damage he caused? If not, let me apologize on his behalf.

  9. Lynn says:

    I think I know what happened to the picture of you in the speedo…I think I saw that photo on a billboard down here in L.A. :~) Or was that in Hollywood? As far as being a ‘single parent’ for a week, I am sure that both you and Anna will do fine. You’re an awesome dad, and she’s an awesome baby. No problem!

  10. Golden says:

    Not only do girls throw rocks and break hearts.. they might even throw rocks at a person WITH a broken heart.

  11. egan says:

    Lynn – are you talking about those David Beckham banners that are everywhere? That’s very flattering. I don’t have his abs or his money, but I have his soccer skills. Kidding. He’s better than me. You’re a very nice person. I like your confidence. I’m sure I will be fine too. Keep our fingers crossed she’ll sleep through the night next week.
    Golden – where did you go? I checked our Address Book today to make sure we’re still under the same roof. Women are that mean? I have so much to learn.

  12. Girls are capable of so much …

  13. Cléa says:

    In that case, girls break hearts and have them broken. The cycle of love. Until they get sick of it and start throwing stones.

  14. egan says:

    Essentially Me – there seems to be a story you’re just dying to share. I’m all ears. Hit me! Bring it!
    Cléa – the cycle of love is right. I’ve never thrown a rock at a girl I cared about. How’s your aim?

  15. mez says:

    hm, I delighted in throwing apples on the road and sat behind the bush with my friend and waited for them to be splattered. Not sure what that means.

  16. Amanda says:

    I don’t remember throwing rocks but we did have a schoolyard game in Malaysia that involved throwing and catching 5 stones.
    BTW, I used to find fingernails hard too but then I switched from the clippers to baby scissors and its a breeze now, much more control. You can also cut with either the palm facing up OR down. Not sure what you’re using.

  17. Sicilian Mama says:

    Girls definitely throw rocks. Trust.
    You’ll be great with Anna! Although – I hear you on not wanting to clip her fingernails. That always made me nervous when I’d watch my nieces for some reason.
    p.s. did you turn off your feeds? The past few posts haven’t been showing up in my Google reader…

  18. Diane Mandy says:

    Tell me, did you ever set any fires? ALmost every man I’ve dated (most seemingly normal) have an “I almost set my backyard on fire” tale.
    Hope you and Anna have a delightful time together, just the two of you.

  19. JLee says:

    I didn’t throw rocks or break hearts (that I know of) but I did shoot a sparrow with a bb gun one time. I cried…

  20. JLee says:

    ps
    we’re going to be waiting for that speedo/prize give away post!
    good luck with the little one 😉

  21. Golden says:

    Still under the same roof, but will be moving to the roof up north shortly.
    Yes, girls can be mean. VERY mean.. but mostly to eachother, not quite sure why.
    I got hit in the head with a rock thrown by a boy as well.. when I was .. hmm.. about 12.. It hurt.. I cried. I wanted to beat him up. I should have.

  22. qt says:

    Eagan, three things –
    1. Swith to Firefox already – geez.
    2. I am sure your solo stint with Anna is going to provide plenty of blog fodder.
    3. I’ve broken both windows and hearts – owever, I prefer the iron fist in a velvet glove approach. For both

  23. egan says:

    Mez – ha, did you hurl rotting pumpkins off of bridges too? Throwing apples in the road to watch them explode means you don’t care about the starving people in Africa. What’s wrong with you?
    Amanda – you’ve always got such great parenting tips. I will have to find those scissors you speak of. Are you a good juggler?
    Sicilian Mama – moi? turn off feeds? Not that I’m aware of, but I will check on it. Clipping a restless infant’s fingernails is like pining for Desmond, kind of tough to do.
    Diane Mandy – I wasn’t too much of a pyro. I did set a bunch of dried pine needles on fire once and it started to catch a fence on fire. We put the fire out quickly though. I’ve got guy friends that do love the flame. We did try to burn ants using a magnifying glass though.
    JLee – was that the last time you used a bb gun? For some reason, I picture you breaking guys hearts and I have no idea what grounds I have for that assumption.
    JLee – I trying to figure out if I can airbrush my head on top of Beckham’s body. Thanks for the words of encouragement about Anna. I’m looking forward to chilling with her all week.
    Golden – okay, I just didn’t catch you around. I’m very focused on work though so you may have passed and I wouldn’t see you. That guy had pretty good aim who hit you.
    QT – see, I’m just not that fond of Firefox. It runs slowly for me on my work PC and the MacBook. Then it leaves that annoying folder on the desktop each time. Blog fodder is right and a picture each day. You’re so rebellious.

  24. Candace says:

    Um, yeah, girls throw stuff.
    Just cuz you lost the post is no excuse for not posting the pic, dude.
    Babies can be slippery little suckers. ^_^ Just take her in the tub with you and you’ll be fine. 🙂 (of course, getting her out is still tough – ah the instant paranoia parentdom creates!)
    I don’t think you’re going to have any problems, really. Unless you decide to teach her to drive or something. . .

  25. brookem says:

    Oh you’ll have some fun with little Anna on your own. Give her a little cookie for me!

  26. Gail says:

    I was so paranoid with both my daughters that I bit their fingernails until they we 10 months old. I can’t forgot the story about the nurse who clipped off part of the baby’s finger at the hospital while trimming nails. On that note, nail biting for your daughter is an act of love. Or buy the Safety 1st trimmers with the magnifier: I think they are too small to allow you to cut a finger off.
    And why can’t I put my absolutely correct URL in the URL space?

  27. Heather says:

    Girls are a bit less likely to throw rocks. And as for hearts, it is not them breaking hearts you’ll worry over. It is when her heart is broken, and you have to be strapped down to keep yourself from maiming a relatively innocent teenage boy because Someone! Must! Pay!

  28. sizzle says:

    I love that you and your wife are CO-parents. I see the “Assistant” parenting far too frequently.
    Boys and girls a like can break hearts, in my opinion.

  29. Nilsa S. says:

    Throwing rocks reminds me of a pair of pajama pants a girlfriend once gave me. They said, “Boys are dumb. Throw rocks at them.” Ha!

  30. Sicilian Mama says:

    Weird. Now your post shows up on my google reader…it says you posted it an hour ago. Even though you really posted it almost 24 hours ago. It’s just your blog doing this, too. Boooo!
    I don’t get your Desmond comparison.

  31. egan says:

    Candace – I’m considering the have her take a bath with me approach. I don’t take very warm showers anyways so that could work. They are slippery suckers. They could use better handles or traction control. You said something about a photo?
    Brookem – you and your love for giving an eight month old cookies. Bless your heart for bringing a grin to my face each time you suggest a cookie.
    Gail – hello and welcome to my blog. You chewed their nails? Now that’s a different way to do it. I do have those Safety 1st clippers. I’m leaning towards those nail scissors Amanda suggested. You should be able to put your link there. I’ve never heard of anyone having troubles with that. Go old school and pluck in the html code if you so desire. Thanks for the visit.
    Heather – girls date? Damn, I think I dated two girls in my life so I’m not privy on this notion of girls dating. This really changes things.
    Sizzle – well thank you. I really believe we do a good job sharing the responsibilities evenly. When Anna was breastfeeding it was a bit tougher for me, but there were always breastpump parts to wash. Weaning rocks! Agreed, both sexes are capable of breaking hearts.
    Nilsa S. – I’ve seen those comics and I must admit I’m not a huge fan. It’s kind of sending a weird message, but maybe I’m being too sensitive.

  32. egan says:

    Sicilian Mama – ha, I wondered if you’d call me out on my bizarre Desmond comment. It was a lame attempt at making a crass TWSS joke. Please ignore it. That Google Reader doesn’t like my Typepad blog, that’s my guess.

  33. Candace says:

    Do her nails still peel? You can just go that route. 🙂 They’re, like, self-trimming with a tad of help.
    I’d better send this box so you’ll have something to do while N-Po is gone. It’s only been hanging around for about a year now. . .

  34. egan says:

    Candace – a year? That can’t be true since I’ve seen you in person less than 10 months ago. They don’t really peel. I want to buy the nifty nail scissors and nobody is going to stop me.

  35. Candace says:

    Yes, you must post the Speedo picture now.
    Handles would be good. And sometimes volume control. Eventually these will be options you can choose pre-natally.

  36. Candace says:

    Yes it can. I had it partly full when you were here, but it wasn’t done yet.

  37. Candace says:

    Scissors? Yikes. I accidentally cut Mollusc’s finger with a baby clippers when she was wee. It sucked. I hate trimming their nails.

  38. egan says:

    Candace – ha, maybe future models will include remote controls? Just a thought. Speedo picture coming right up.
    Candace – where was that box hiding? Ha, it could have been anywhere and I probably wouldn’t have seen it. Oh, that was mean. I take that back to infinity.
    Candace – trimming nails isn’t any fun. Anna has been scratching the insides of her ears though. I will be able to manage. I cut her nails the day we got home from the hospital. I’ve got mad dexterity skills.

  39. NS1 says:

    The rock throwing boy is a relative. It was an accident, and I know that. I don’t have ill feelings towards him, but he still feels really bad about it to this day. It’s just one of those unfortunate things that happens when you are a kid. He and I (and friends of ours) use the “incident” to teach/lecture rock throwing children about what “innocent” rock throwing can do to someone.
    Yes, I know that I’ve been slack in the comment department. I am still reading though…not always right away, but I still read all your posts.

  40. Maggie says:

    No no no. We throw hearts and break rocks. Duh.
    I got a secret for you. You know how your wife seems to know just what to do with your daughter like 98% of the time? She learned that by winging it. You’ll do just great.

  41. Tall Chick says:

    Oh yeah, it sucks when they scratch themselves.
    Oh you don’t have to take it back! It’s a bummer that you had to see my house at its worst state, but that’s just how it was. I had been writing (and probably blogging!) for like 3 days and not picking up at all. Oh and wasn’t I in the midst of decluttering for the garage sale, too? OMG it gets so awful when we do that. I’m glad you came over anyway. 🙂 Too bad you can’t see the house now that it’s not such a disaster area. ^_^
    Hmmm, I still don’t see the picture. . .

  42. Cléa says:

    Not too good. Always end up hurting myself.

  43. egan says:

    NS1/Amy – glad to see you’re still reading. I haven’t been doing the old Facebook thing as much recently so I’m a tad out of the loop. Throwing rocks isn’t a good idea, but for boys it’s the perfect object and seems to be begging to be thrown. Still not a good idea.
    Maggie – by winging it? I see her reading all sorts of parenting books and loves parenting blogs. Ha, me so funny. I appreciate your vote of confidence. I might give Anna a manicure.
    Tall Chick – overall though she doesn’t scratch herself too much. I could probably go all week without trimming her nails, but I want to make sure the kids in her daycare class still like her. You did make it abundantly clear your house isn’t usually like that. It was well worth it to meet you and the kids.
    Clea – you got to watch your aim. Don’t stand near a wall when throwing stuff because of the ricochet factor. Hey you, thanks for the email. You’re damn great.

  44. Viva says:

    I must admit, I also, along with my neighbor threw rocks at a car when I was around 7, and the guy rightfully stopped his car and chased us. We were both able to hide from him but he went to my house and told my grandmother, who seriously punished me.
    I can only hope karma doesn’t come to bite me on the ass because I caught my son throwing sticks and rocks at a tree, that had a parked car under it the other day.

  45. Cheryl says:

    I think clipping finger nails is definitely something I am kind of scared to do some day.

  46. ms chica says:

    I’m pretty sure a girl can break anything a boy can. I have two broken windows to my credit. Golf ball and tape ball. Rocks were reserved for street signs.

  47. Candace says:

    Or maybe it’s a case of “methinks she doth protest too much!” ^_^

  48. egan says:

    Viva – I’ve been thinking about karma a lot now that I’m a parent. I used to think I was a pretty good kid, now that I flex my brain and truly think about what I did… maybe I wasn’t so good. Do you still have good aim?
    Cheryl – thankfully the kids are usually pretty forgiving. They only seem to notice if you react. I cut my daughter’s two nights ago and they already need to be cut again. I have a few scratches on my nose to prove this.
    Ms. Chica – I like these tales (tails) very much. Were you an angry child or just working on your throwing arm?
    Candace – you could be on to something there. Shhh.

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