Dirty Unwashed Hippies

Let me get a couple orders of business out of the way.  First of all,  happy 40th birthday to my brother.  He’s lucky enough to share the ever important Earth Day with the rest of the world.  Happy birthday kind sir, your niece would love to see you!

For those green types, you know those who think composting is nifty, I think we need to talk about global warming.  Last weekend here in Seattle it snowed.  Yeah, snow.  Snow is created when moisture falls from the skies in frozen form.  If you believe in global warming, I say you’re just not paying attention.  It’s the end of April and snow falling in Seattle is clearly a sign global warming is a farce.  It’s just some term coined by alarmist scientists to freak out the sensitive types.  You know, causing a commotion about nothing. 

Honestly, what difference does it make?  I’m only going to be on this planet another 60 years tops.  Sure my daughter should be here much longer than me, but I hardly believe the planet will descend into chaos as many greenies would have you believe.  Give the earth some time and she will heal.  This current warming trend is not based on the ozone layer depleting or the cars we drive.  These are cyclical changes which happen over thousands of years.  Glaciers advance and retreat, advance and retreat.  Even though Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa is nearly snowfree, this will have a negligbile impact on things we do here in the U.S.  The tall mountain in Africa and stuff happening in North America hardly have any impact on the planet.

Polar bears won’t disappear either.  I’ve heard some estimates from the World Wildlife Fund, WWF for short, predicting polar bear extinction within 60 or so years.  I, for one, am not buying this guestimate of theirs.  How on earth could the WWF calculate something like this?  There’s plenty of ice for polar bears, they just need to be willing to move.  I move from one part of town to another to make my work commute shorter, you’d think they could do the same.  It’s not like finding food is terribly challenging either. 

Earth Day, what’s it all about?  Do we really need a special day set aside to cherish the planet we call home?  Our planet is doing fine.  It’s not a perfect planet, but it’s not broken either.   I sat down with the planet to outline her quarterly goals.  Funny, but Mother Nature never said anything about wiping out polar bears or global warming in the next three months or three years.  You’d think if the environment really was in danger, as some alarmists would have you believe, the impending doom would have been mentioned in my one-on-one with Mother Nature.  She said nothing of the sort.   Keep on consuming in the free world!


About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Curmudgeonly, Opinionated, Science. Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Dirty Unwashed Hippies

  1. Gwen says:

    LOL. Very clever, Egan. And thanks for the permission to go buy that Navigator I’ve had my eye on for years now. Or should I go for the Escalade? Decisions, decisions.

  2. I agree. We shouldn’t need a day to remember to NOT throw stuff on the ground or to recycle more. It’s like mother’s day or father’s day. Why do we need those days? Or Valentine’s day? I don’t know much about global warming and I know that the demise of the earth ain’t happening any time soon (probably in the next million or billion years). I make sure my kids pick up their trash every day so this day isn’t that much different than others.

  3. meno says:

    My teeth are green. Does that count as celebrating Earth Day?

  4. Chris says:

    Borderline genius.

  5. brookem says:

    woot woot.
    what kind of car do you have, is my question?

  6. Pants says:

    Can’t talk, off to throw away recyclables and dump toxic cleanser into my storm drain.

  7. Eunice says:

    Can I put my wager in for how many people don’t read the satire of your post and start a heated debate with you?

  8. egan says:

    Gwen – buy the Navigator. It’s all about moving people and as much stuff. The environment can deal with it.
    Essentially Me – amen in sister. You keep walking the talk and your check will be in the mail.
    Meno – that totally counts. I can’t take all this talk about preserving water sources. Enough is enough! Reduce, recycle, reuse… my ass!
    Chris – you don’t say. You’re too kind. Hey, I wrote this post so you could feel less bad about your recycling habits.
    Brookem – I have one of them fancy Toyota hybrid cars. I know, I know. I have one because it allows me special access to the hippies. Not to mention I can sneak up and run them over when the car is in electric mode.
    Pants – well done, that’s how to ring in this Earth Day madness. I took a dump in a local salmon spawning creek.
    Eunice – you think I’m making stuff up? You just might be on to something. Shhh, I’m going to use some WD-40 to style my hair. I’ve got a shed in the backyard made entirely of styrofoam too.

  9. mez says:

    Damn those hippies and their dirty “caring” about the world! Caring about the world is for wusses!!!!

  10. Chris says:

    🙂 I do recycle – I just don’t like the work involved.
    BTW, I am considering calling corporate headquarters of Dunkin Donuts to discuss the styrofoam cup issue hoping they’ll allow me to record the call for a podcast.

  11. JLee says:

    Every day is Earth Day!!
    We’ll just have one day a year that is “non earth day” where we pollute like mo fos.

  12. tori says:

    This post is most excellent.
    Last night was the book fair at my kids school. They were celbrating earth day and also bagging the books in plastic bags as they sold them. It sort of made me wonder if they didn’t understand the point of what they were celebrating. We declinded the bag of course.

  13. brookem says:

    you style your hair with WD40?! that’s hot. tres hot.
    im off to get a dunkin medium (the small is a paper cup. i cant be doing paper i want styrofoam yo!)

  14. churlita says:

    yeah. Working in the California Conservation Corps in Humboldt County, I surely didn’t see any horribly scarred landscapes due to clear cutting or anything…

  15. Candace says:

    Where are the pictures?

  16. Maggie says:

    This is the North Pole.
    No it’s not.
    Yes. It is.
    No it’s not. Where’s the snow?
    My car has two wheels. I love my car. It’s 100% emissions free. But I use zipper plastic bags wontanly, please don’t shoot me.

  17. Pants says:

    Took a dump in a local salmon spawning creek? NICE!

  18. egan says:

    Mez – you know, that’s so true. Who really cares about the world? It’s a facade for the sensitive types.
    Chris – [steps off fake pedestal] you should contact Dunkin about styrofoam. I’d love to hear their reasoning. I guarantee it will come down to one thing, pricing. I know styrofoam cups are the cheapest cups available, but that doesn’t make using them right. [back to pretending I don’t give a hoot about the planet]
    JLee – you said mo fos, I like you a lot. If you’re not pollutin’, you’re not contributin’.
    Tori – you make it sound like plastic bags are evil. I mean think about all the dog poop one can scoop up using an inverted plastic bag.
    Brookem – yeah, screw the planet is what I’m thinking. Styrofoam is the only way to go. Dunkin in the house!
    Churlita – clearcuts do have their advantages don’t they? They are really good for animals such as deer, elk, moose, caribou, marmots, etc. Better yet, they are very pretty.
    Candace – pictures of what?
    Maggie – you’re going straight to hell like all the others.
    Pants – I’m one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, and yes.. we have met so I can say that.

  19. sprizee says:

    The earth. Who needs it?

  20. cdp says:

    I find polar bears to be quite cute, although I agree with you about their resistance to relocation. Too picky, if you ask me.
    Also when you say WWF, all I can really think about is professional wrestling. Apparently I’m not very mature or very green, but I do use canvas bags for my groceries!

  21. Cheryl says:

    totally. ice caps, schmice caps, I always say.

  22. Cléa says:

    You have one on one with mother nature? Can you tell her she can be a biatch at times.

  23. egan says:

    Sprizee – we can clone the earth right?
    CDP – I know, the damn Hulk Hogans of the world have ruined life as we know it. Come to think of it, he kind of looks like a polar bear.
    Cheryl – you stole my words. I love to rhyme when I’m making up stuff.
    Cléa – I can definitely pass along the message. I will even call her a biatch, just for you.

  24. brandy says:

    Shhhh… can you hear that? Somewhere in a distant place Al Gore is weeping.
    Just kidding. Happy weekend. And cross your fingers Hillary makes a sudden departure.

  25. egan says:

    Brandy – Al Gore is full of shit. I mean they tend to give out those Nobel Prizes to anyone with a pulse these days. I’m crossing my fingers polar bears make good bunkmates.

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