I’m driving around doing some errands. I pass by this department store and decide I will run inside to check a couple things off my list. I guide the Subaru through a messy interchange with Baby Singe in the backseat. She’s contently watching the world go by as I search for a parking spot. I find a space that seems close to the store and run inside. Only on the way inside, my close spot isn’t so close as the walkway didn’t go through. I find an alternate route and get inside. Inside the store I dart to the electronics section. There are a couple really specific items in my head which I need.

Oh no. I forgot something. Better yet, someone. Baby Singe is still in the car. I frantically leave the store in a hurry to get back to my little one who’s still in the Subaru. Visions of a crying baby and police at my car rush through my head. I sprint back to the car as fast as possible, however I can’t find the proper walkway to the car. It feels like hours are passing when it was probably only seconds. I wonder to myself, why do there have to be so many green Subarus in Seattle? After what seems like an eternity, I see a green Subaru with fogged up windows. I picture the worst and open the car door to a mellow toddler half smiling.

(Okay, relax folks! This was a vivid dream I had a couple days ago. It was very real feeling and was nearly impossible to shake. It wasn’t reality, but it sure did jolt me out of bed. I would never in a million years leave her in the car while running into a place like Target. However…)

Saturday morning started 90 minutes earlier than I had hoped. Baby Singe woke up at 5:30am. Not so great since I burned the midnight oil Friday. We ate some bananas, read some books, and I got her back down for another two hours, waking up around 8:30. After she woke up, we got our groove (literally dancing) on for the day. I booked a doctor’s visit since I suspected she might have an ear infection. Thankfully that was a negative, just a lingering cold.

Her meals weren’t synching so we ate on the go, following her doctor visit. We split a tasty bagel while driving the old hybrid. Many of the muffin crumbs somehow manage to make their way down her clothes. When we get home, I change her diaper and give her a chance to practice on her potty seat. The urge wasn’t there. I strip her naked for an air drying and decrumbing. She loves this exercise as it induces many giggles and short sprints in the house. After a few naked minutes, I think to myself “I should at least put a diaper on her just in case”.

Wah, wah, wah

Her eyes water as she’s freaked out. While I was running something to the kitchen, she squatted behind our living room ottoman and pooped on the rug. I was reminded why we don’t have pets. I comfort her in a calm manner, swiping the tears from her watery eyes. Before I pick her up to embrace her, I spy some poop stuck to her left heel. Oops, she stepped in her own poop. Poor girl. Next time she gets naked, she’s staying in the bathtub.


About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Bathroom Humor, Officially Bizarre, Storytelling, Travel. Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to Crummy

  1. Amanda says:

    LOL! I can’t help laughing at this. I know every potty training parent goes through this but its just good to read about somebody else’s experience. Co-incidentally, as I got to “squatted behind our living room ottoman and pooped on the rug”, my son froze and called out that he needed to go. So, it won’t be long for you either, no more surprise poops on the rug (or amongst the lego!)

  2. meno says:

    I’m glad you didn’t whack her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and throw her out in the back yard.

  3. Matt says:

    Glad that first part was just a dream…

  4. I have to admit that your dream scared me a bit. And I know about pooping on the floor. Did I tell you the story about how when I babysat my nephew he pooped on the floor while wearing a diaper and pants? Yeah, that takes talent.

  5. JLee says:

    Oh nooo!!! lol
    I shouldn’t laugh, but it’s funny (later on) Don’t feel bad, my daughter once did this and tried to “sample” a little off her hand!! eeeewwwwwww

  6. JLee says:

    I nominated you for one of those fantastic blogger awards. ha

  7. SM says:

    So your dream? I am constantly terrified that I’m going to do something like that some day. Seriously – the thought of leaving him in the car accidentally while I quickly run into the store scares me more than him potentially rolling off the footstool or sleeping in his swing all night. eek,.
    And Meno’s comment is cracking me up. Too funny. But she’s going to hate you someday for blogging about this.

  8. SM says:

    She = Anna in my previous comment. Not Meno. Just in case you didn’t get that. Felt I had to clarify.

  9. justrun says:

    I knew people who had all tile put in their home JUST so they didn’t have to worry if the kid or pets pooped on the floor. To heck with potty training, I guess.

  10. emma says:

    This will now be filed in my “no way in hell can I ever be a competent parent” drawer. Once I stop laughing. And get off the floor.

  11. egan says:

    Amanda – aw, great timing on Aaron’s part. I better not ever find any turds amongst the Lego. I like Lego and the thought of losing any pieces to poop is sobering.
    Meno – ruff, ruff, waufer wauff. Nice little dog humor there. I put a collar on her later in the day.
    Matt – me too, I can’t stand dreams that feel so real you wake up wondering if they happened or not.
    Essentially Me – I’m pretty certain I’ve heard the nephew through diapers story. Was there an operator error issue with the diaper or did he just eat a crapload of food earlier?
    JLee – I suppose it happens to all of us as parents at some point. Darn that sensual of being naked and its lures.
    JLee – you’re kidding me on the award aren’t you? What’s next Facebook applications, memes, 25 Things You Don’t Know About Me? When will it ever stop? (cue the Vanilla Ice music)
    SM – I most I’ve ever strayed is the driveway or garage. I once left something in the house, pulled the car in the garage to retrieve something out of the basement. Those child seats are a real bitch. I know you weren’t talking Meno, I’m real smart and stuff.
    Justrun – are these people new agey and shit? Like are they doing the diaper free potty training where they “catch” the pee? Just had to ask. It’s a fringe parenting technique.
    Emma – hey, you have a dog though don’t you? Don’t you trail it around with a plastic baggie waiting for said beloved doggie to poop? How is this much different? Just asking.

  12. churlita says:

    I have to say, I don’t miss those days all that much.

  13. Felisa says:

    I’m really glad the first part was just a dream! The good thing is that here in Seattle, being left in the car for a few minutes isn’t deadly. I used to live in Florida and was constantly paranoid that my uncle would leave my cousin in the car. One time, he actually did. But it was a cool, spring night and he remembered what he had done just 2 minutes after leaving the car.

  14. Kailyn says:

    I had to email this post to a friend. She is trying to potty train her 2-1/2 year old. She put her daughter on the potty seat. An hour later, her daughter pulled off her diaper and squatted in the living room.

  15. Chris says:

    Like an odd novel – I was terrified at the start, thought “great writer” with the dream twist and then the comedic portion. Nice job!

  16. Kerry says:

    HAHA… Baby Z loves to run around naked too. She giggles and sprints across the room… only to turn and make sure you’re chasing her… then she runs some more. Its so funny

  17. thistle says:

    oh my goodness…and please don’t send me hate mail for saying this…but it really is just like having a puppy. Perhaps i wouldn’t have been as awful at the parenting thing as i thought i would.
    But the dream portion of the story, i confess, had me a little freaked out…yikes!

  18. SM says:

    Is work getting in the way of your blogging?

  19. ef says:

    wow. just wait till she starts to date- imagine the dreams you’ll have then…

  20. Diane Mandy says:

    For the record, my cocker spaniel hasn’t pooped on the floor since he was 6 months. Poor Egan! At least you have comfort in knowing she will be potty trained some day! I’m stuck walking mine in sub-zero weather!

  21. Cléa says:

    The dream you had is unfortunately a reality that makes the news every few days. Parents leave their infants in the car, engine running, and do their errands.
    No poo stories here. My teddy bear came toilet trained.

  22. JLee says:

    I killed my Facebook…for now. ha
    Tell baby Singe to let you out of the closet so you can post.

  23. emma says:

    I have a cat. It has a box. I occasionally do something about the box. And toss it some food. ‘Nuff said.

  24. egan says:

    Churlita – I’m sure it will be nice not to have to change and purchase so many diapers. Bring on the potty training.
    Felisa – I would never forgive myself if I decided to leave my daughter in the car. I mean I’ve left her in there where she can see me, but to actually forget the child was in the car. Oh, that would haunt me forever. Should I talk to your uncle?
    Kailyn – that’s pretty funny about your friend’s kid. They have an odd way of bucking the system when necessary. They sure do march to their own beat.
    Chris – now aren’t you sweet with your flattering comments about my writing. Thank you sir.
    Kerry – Baby Z sounds like a fun one. I think chasing Baby Singe is my new weight loss plan. That or stop drinking massive quantities of whole milk.
    Thistle – I wouldn’t send you hate mail for your comment. You’re dead on with what you said. The difference is a kid eventually learns to poop in the right place and can laugh at their farts. The dream part of this post freaked my wife out too, so don’t feel bad.
    SM – YES
    Big Bro – my mind isn’t capable of looking more than six days into the future. Please keep that in mind when it comes to my actions.
    Diane Mandy – does your cocker spaniel chase cyclists? Baby Singe doesn’t chase cyclists, but our neighbor’s cocker spaniel does. It’s a good thing you drive a MINI.
    Cléa – great to see you here again. Yeah, I know that stuff does happen and a few items like my dream will make the news here too. Unfortunately the ones making headlines are tragic stories. Teddy bears are awesome.
    JLee – you’re right, I will see if Baby Singe can give me some more free time. I’m such a hard worker these days. Facebook dead? There must be a story here.
    Emma – I’m so biting my tongue on this one. I’m taking the high road and leaving that carrot of yours sitting there. Yowsers.

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