Have I mentioned my short-term jobs on this blog before? I can’t remember much these days so bear with me. I’ve had some brief jobs in my life which might make some think I have commitment issues. I’ve had numerous, roughly 10-15, which fit this mold. Allow me to share a few of them with you.
Little League baseball umpire. Duration: 3 months. Age: 15. My brother and I thought it would be fun to be Little League baseball umpires for a season. We attended a week long training seminar and we were officially Little League baseball umpires. It was fun to watch parents get all up in arms about very abritrary decisions I would make. If you have thin skin, perhaps a career as a baseball umpire isn’t for you. That may explain why I only did the job for one season. I do like me some rules though.
Bakery counterperson. Duration: 3 days. Age: 19. I took this job after my freshman year of college. I worked for a very crotchety man who wasn’t a fan of learning. Generally people learn by asking questions. The owner didn’t like to be burdened with tedious questions. His least favorite question to be asked, “do you have a bathroom we can use?”. Ask him this and he’d immediately usher a mother in urgent need of the bathroom outside his quaint bakery. Yes, he stiffed me when I abruptly quit after deciding I didn’t want this guy to make money off of others.
Facilities Guy. Duration: 3 weeks. Age 21. I had to make some extra dough in college to support my crack habit. Being the clever student I was, I found this lovely job maintaining a campus building for various functions. My tyical job duties included moving/stacking chairs, listening to my boss bitch about her spoiled daughter, and picking cigarette butts out of ashtrays. Not a terribly challenging job and definitely not a chick magnet job either.
As I embark on my last couple months of my 35th year, it’s clear I was not meant to interact with the public in face-to-face conversations very often. (actually not so true) Take two: it’s clear I was not meant to bury my head in Excel for more than 20 minutes at a time.
Off the mark. Here’s a bit of randomness for you fine folks. Yesterday at work, I went upstairs to chat with Human Resources about some stuff. I realized I was walking around with my fly open. Oops! This morning I was chatting on the phone with my co-worker, getting comfy during the call. I arched my back (not what you think) and placed my left ankle on my right knee. No big deal except I didn’t remember putting on plain white athletic socks for work. That’s because I didn’t. I forgot to change them this morning so I’m the loser guy wearing brown shoes with white athletic socks. Damn I’m sexy. I told my wife this story and she responded with four little letters, “BAYR”.
Are You Retarded?