Power, Sketchy, and Beneath Me

Have I mentioned my short-term jobs on this blog before? I can’t remember much these days so bear with me. I’ve had some brief jobs in my life which might make some think I have commitment issues. I’ve had numerous, roughly 10-15, which fit this mold. Allow me to share a few of them with you.

Little League baseball umpire. Duration: 3 months. Age: 15. My brother and I thought it would be fun to be Little League baseball umpires for a season. We attended a week long training seminar and we were officially Little League baseball umpires. It was fun to watch parents get all up in arms about very abritrary decisions I would make. If you have thin skin, perhaps a career as a baseball umpire isn’t for you. That may explain why I only did the job for one season. I do like me some rules though.

Bakery counterperson. Duration: 3 days. Age: 19. I took this job after my freshman year of college. I worked for a very crotchety man who wasn’t a fan of learning. Generally people learn by asking questions. The owner didn’t like to be burdened with tedious questions. His least favorite question to be asked, “do you have a bathroom we can use?”. Ask him this and he’d immediately usher a mother in urgent need of the bathroom outside his quaint bakery. Yes, he stiffed me when I abruptly quit after deciding I didn’t want this guy to make money off of others.

Facilities Guy. Duration: 3 weeks. Age 21. I had to make some extra dough in college to support my crack habit. Being the clever student I was, I found this lovely job maintaining a campus building for various functions. My tyical job duties included moving/stacking chairs, listening to my boss bitch about her spoiled daughter, and picking cigarette butts out of ashtrays. Not a terribly challenging job and definitely not a chick magnet job either.

As I embark on my last couple months of my 35th year, it’s clear I was not meant to interact with the public in face-to-face conversations very often. (actually not so true) Take two: it’s clear I was not meant to bury my head in Excel for more than 20 minutes at a time.
——–
Off the mark. Here’s a bit of randomness for you fine folks. Yesterday at work, I went upstairs to chat with Human Resources about some stuff. I realized I was walking around with my fly open. Oops! This morning I was chatting on the phone with my co-worker, getting comfy during the call. I arched my back (not what you think) and placed my left ankle on my right knee. No big deal except I didn’t remember putting on plain white athletic socks for work. That’s because I didn’t. I forgot to change them this morning so I’m the loser guy wearing brown shoes with white athletic socks. Damn I’m sexy. I told my wife this story and she responded with four little letters, “BAYR”.

bitch
Are You Retarded?

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About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Mrs. Lessinges Approved, Raging Dork, Storytelling, Vanity is Overrated. Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Power, Sketchy, and Beneath Me

  1. Matt says:

    I’ve had a few, too, like nursery worker who painted the cement statuary, or dental technician, or campground gatekeeper, Rainbow vacuum salesman, apartment renter, and furniture salesman (nicely termed ‘interior designer’) for Ethan Allen. It’s all a phase one must endure for the high paying jobs we hold down later in life. Wait. I’m a teacher. What am I saying?

  2. meno says:

    Moving in a few months.
    I love Excel, do NOT dis excel.

  3. logo™ says:

    I picked berries for one day,
    that gig SUCKED
    I love Ms. Singe
    She is so sasseh!

  4. SM says:

    I thought you hated the “r” word.
    Bakery counterperson would rock.

  5. Amanda says:

    I cleaned the bathrooms at my mother’s warehouse. She was a timber distributor so you can imagine the type of people that went to those bathrooms.
    And what is it with men and socks? Just two days ago, a friend of mine sent me a photo of his feet. Sports shoes with black business socks. The opposite to what you had.

  6. Tim says:

    I was a little league umpire when I was 16. We umped, calling balls, strikes, and outs, from behind the pitcher. The kids were 11. One time this 11 year old was pitching who was bigger than me. He was like 6 foot 3. They were pretty typically bad players but of course on this night there was a throw from the outfield to a play at the plate. In which the catcher drops the ball 99.9% of the time, but this one time the kid caught it. Everyone froze, turned to me to wait for the call. I didn’t see it because the freakishly big kid was standing in front of me. I shrugged my shoulders, called him out, and everyone flipped out at the bad call.

  7. SM says:

    ok I will confess that I skimmed this post the first time I read it and didn’t see that the bakery wasn’t the best experience for you. But under a different manager it would rock.

  8. furiousball says:

    once i was the manager of a software development team in NJ… oh wait, i’m still doing that

  9. egan says:

    Matt – ha, you’re a teacher and you don’t make big bucks? I don’t get it. I thought we valued teachers in our great country. I guess not. Ethan Allen, what the hell happened to their quality? We bought a sleeper sofa of theirs and have been less than satisfied. It’s great as a bed, but it’s fraying at the cushion seams. Not like this has much to do with you, but you got me thinking.
    Meno – are you an Excel genius? Wait, are you intimately linked to Excel? Me thinks maybe you are. Downtown B-town is happening.
    Logo – I love the one day jobs. I’ve actually never had a one day job. Many 2-3 day jobs though. I failed to mention my month long stint as a landscaper. That gig sucked, I reeked of grass big time.
    SM – I’m not fond of the R word, however I am not the boss of my wife. Yo!
    Amanda – I’m not sure what it is about guys and socks. Most of us do a decent job, I think. I totally spaced out yesterday. Today I’m wearing solid brown socks with brown shoes and a brown belt. I’m hip. Timber people? Those are my peeps.
    Tim – I love it. Being an ump was kind of fun I say. I was a tiny teen so I was easily as small as many of the kids playing. The way you describe this play is so perfect. Took me back to my youth.
    SM – that’s only one bakery experience. I’ve worked in (let me count them) four bakeries in my life and loved it. A great way to meet people and not so bad for meeting women either.
    Furiousball – I thought you were going to say you got laid off. Phew, dodged a bullet.

  10. kelwhy says:

    she is sassy, isn’t she? but still – BAYR?? LOL funny.

  11. egan says:

    Kelwhy – I know, Mrs. Lessinges tells it like she sees it. That may be one of the reasons I love her, just one of the many.

  12. Cléa says:

    I’d take Excel any day over working with the public. Or people. Heck, I’d even embrace a Mac over working with the public.

  13. Golden says:

    Jobs lasting less than 3 months:
    Waitress at a Ruby Tuesday in D.C. 19 years old, more interested in the fact that the drinking age was, in fact, 19. Waiting tables while drunk, not easy.
    Paper Route. 12 years old. Lasted 3 weeks. I am not a morning person, nuff said.
    Bakery! Safeway, 18 years old. Lasted less than 1 month.
    Dish-girl, some nameless hole in the wall restaurant. 16 years old. Lasted 2 days.
    Now, onto the men and socks thing.. My boyfriend wears red cashmere socks, today he wore lavendar. Go figure cuz I wore brown.

  14. Felisa says:

    I spent an entire day volunteering with kids at an arts festival one time and it wasn’t until the end of the day that I realized my fly was open. So at least you saw yours early enough.
    HOWEVER, white athletic shoes with brown shoes? Heheheh

  15. emma says:

    I’m cringing on your behalf.

  16. JLee says:

    I could actually see you interacting with the public. I think like a good sitcom, hilarity would ensue. ha
    I am cracking up at the “BAYR”!! Can I please steal that??? haha

  17. Eunice says:

    I have a few quite memorable short-lived jobs:
    2003: Buyer for a quaint little promotional merchandise company in Bellevue that bestowed upon the world the Bobblehead Doll craze of the early 2000’s. Day one, I spent 6 hours working on a bid for the Detroit Pistons, only to learn that a) I did it all wrong, a b) it was assumed that I would do it all wrong and had already been completed over lunch. When I realized that it wasn’t worth sitting in traffic on 405 for a total of 3 hrs a day, I quit via email. Total duration: 15 days.
    2008: “Recruiter” for staffing company. I quickly realized that my job was really to lie to people on the promise of getting an actual advertised job, only to bring them in and tell them they weren’t qualified for said job but swindle them into paying for a “job finding service” they couldn’t afford. I did come back from lunch but quit at the end of the day. I didn’t even get paid for my time. Total duration: 9 hours.
    1998: Temp. On summer break from college, I hooked up with a temp service who sent me out to do a catering gig on campus. It was a hot day and I got sick & threw up. I was sent home. I was too embarrassed to go back for a new assignment. Total duration: 2 hours.

  18. LiLu says:

    BAYR… that is FABULOUS! I never heard that before. Freaking hilarious!

  19. Candace says:

    I once worked for a film company, thawing a frozen river with a hairdryer. It was a shitty job, but the pay was great.

  20. egan says:

    Cléa – I work with people everyday my good friend. Sometimes I even relish calling people in less than favo(u)rable conditions. It’s all in a good day’s work. You must really not like working with the public to choose a Mac over a PC. Be careful what you wish for Cléa.
    Golden – so you don’t have a problem with the socks or do you attempt to change his mind? Waiting tables while drunk, now that had to be interesting. Like wasted drunk or just buzzed?
    Felisa – I realize I made a decent faux pas with the white socks. It won’t happen again. A whole day would suck. Isn’t there an unwritten code amongst women to tip one another when something like that happens?
    Emma – I screwed the pooch yo.
    JLee – steal it if you’re so inclined. No using it on Twitter though, that’s a rule. I have interacted regularly with the public in the past. Now it’s more business to business.
    Eunice – you’re my hero! You quit via email in 2003? That is too cool for school. Was the company BD&A? You don’t have to fess up if you don’t want. We share careers in catering, but mine lasted a bit longer than yours and I oddly enjoyed clearing slop bucket. Temp agencies seem a bit slimy don’t they?
    LiLu – my wife is so so so high-larious. She’s says what’s on her mind and that’s what makes her pretty cool.
    Candace – what size river are we talking about here? The creek in your backyard or the Detroit?

  21. I see London, I see France... says:

    Great story. Zipper down and brown shoes with white gym socks in the same day? Funny. Maybe you were having a day like this when you were told that “your voice and attitude were fitting”.

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