I’ve been told there are universal truths/traditions you come to accept in life. Many we learn as we go and some seem like we’ve known them since we could put on our own shoes.
- For starters, if you see a woman who may be pregnant and you’re not sure. From what I’ve been told it’s totally acceptable to ask her “how far along are you?” and then to rub her belly without asking. In fact, you can even ask her if she’s excited to have a baby growing inside her. Go on, give it a try.
- If you smell something that doesn’t seem right. It’s fine to ask the nearest person to you if they farted. If they didn’t fart, you’ll know right away by their reaction. If it’s a man, he’ll most likely chuckle. If it’s a woman, she may chuckle and then cock her neck wondering how anyone could notice such a thing. Fact, only dainty women who don’t do kegels routintely fart.
- Being outside in the fresh air is really nice. If you’re outside and a bird happens to poop on your head. Don’t run to the washroom to clean it off. Leave it there for a while and let others know you’re not superficial. A bird pooping on a human isn’t unusual. It’s about as common as an excited pregnant woman. Relish the moment, laugh at yourself, let others see you, and then wash off the poop since it’s a tad unsanitary and may be frowned upon when you’re buying your lottery tickets.
- Green means go. For the most part this is quite true. Did you know however, technically a green light means “proceed with caution”? This may explain why some drivers think it’s wise to be on a cell phone when entering intersections. It’s always good to call ahead and see if the intersection is clear. There are instances when cars don’t move when a light turns green. Typically this is the result of traffic, yet it could be an uber important somebody updating a social networking website. Politely gesture to these people as they’re keeping our craft alive and well.
- There’s this great game called football. In America we call it football because the other football is for wimps. Our version of football attracts men to large parking lots and TVs across this fabulous nation of ours. Men gather, and gather they do like moths to the flame. You might assume they’re eagerly anticipating the start of the game, however the truth of the matter is they’re avoiding their familial obligations for at least 8 Sundays during late summer and fall. Not because they don’t enjoy their families, but because there’s a belief buff men wearing football gear chasing after an oblong ball, following rules enforced by men in black & white stripes constitutes sport.
[Blog/life camp dismissed]