Wiping Away the Smiles

A few weeks ago something rather embarrassing happened.
I was late for work and thus late for dropping off our daughter at daycare. I sign her in, get her situated for breakfast, kiss her several times, and then exit her classroom. 

I figured I'd pay a visit to the bathroom because nature called and I wanted to feel fresher. I take a right in the daycare lobby and lock the bathroom door behind me. I'm minding my own business when a voice is heard approaching my position. My back is to the door as I complete my business. Suddenly I learn the absolute wrong way that I did not flick the deadbolt. I may have been hunched over with my pants around my ankles, or maybe it was just a dream. 

It was very awkward the next few days as I attempted to save face in the daycare office. Nobody should ever see anyone like this. The last time I walked in on someone doing their thing was age 17.  Then I had the misfortune of witnessing my elderly boss, Lorraine, pooping. I haven't been able to shake the image some twenty years later.  We're not supposed to see our elders sitting on a toilet or some blogger "cleaning". Gulp. 
The in-laws are in town from Florida and so far so good.  It's really wonderful to see our daughter interact with them.  Her new trick is to wear her bunny bathrobe and run around our house naked after her bath.  She wears her robe with pride as if she were a professional boxer.  She owns the robe.  Yes, her pink bunny robe is monogramed in case one forgets her name.
Final note:  this is to keep me honest.  About a week ago, prior to mounting my triathlon bike for the first time in about eight months… I entered the following Facebook Update "Egan is beginning his trek back to Ironman status".  Well I'm happy to report I've been to the pool two straight days this week.  Probably a first since at least a year ago.  I feel like this time I've really turned the corner and will be in fighting shape for this summer's triathlons.  In short, I'm still on track to regain form.  Keep me honest bloggers and away from the green tea ice cream. 

About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Bathroom Humor, Current Affairs, Speedo™sphere. Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Wiping Away the Smiles

  1. Amanda says:

    I don’t know if dad’s take little girls to the bathroom when they have to go but I have a lesson here based on something that happened to me.
    DO NOT go to the extra large cubicles. Toddlers eventually get tall enough to reach the lock and they usually turn pretty easily. If you’re in the big cubicles, all you can do is scream for them to turn it back. There is no way you can reach the door to push it shut again.

  2. egan says:

    Amanda – so how long ago did this happen? Did Aaron laugh and point at you or how did you recover? Thanks for the tip.

  3. Amanda says:

    I think this was about 6 months ago so he was about 2 years and 2 months. He just looked at me and opened the door further! Thankfully he works slowly and I had time to finish up before anyone else came to see what was going on.

  4. furiousball says:

    some dude at work a year ago, opened the door of a stall with an (apparently) faulty lock whilst i was doing the doo

  5. Chris says:

    A year or so ago, I opened the door to the employee restroom I use and much to my surprise, there was a femal colleague in there crouched over in the tinkle in a public restroom position…not nearly as traumatic as your encounter with an elder but shocking none the less.
    Time for a Sam Adams Summer Ale I say!

  6. churlita says:

    I’m going to make a point not to comment on the bathroom story.
    I’m also getting started training for a triathalon. I doubt I’ll ever actually do one, but that combination of running, biking and swimming is exactly what I need to kick myself into shape again.

  7. Felisa says:

    If it makes you feel any better (but I’m guessing it won’t), the person who saw you must be equally mortified… I would know because in our old house, we had a bathroom that had two doors — one of which didn’t lock. It was also the one most guests used.
    And I say you should indulge in green tea ice cream. That’s good stuff! And you can make yourself feel better by saying it has antioxidants!

  8. Pants says:

    I bet your daughter is adorable times one million showing off her bunny bathrobe.
    That’s great that you made it to the pool two times…I know you’d like to more, but hey, it’s a start!
    I’m trying to help myself get an exercise routine together again and I’m having a rough time.

  9. sizzle says:

    I laughed at my desk at this:
    Then I had the misfortune of witnessing my elderly boss, Lorraine, pooping.

  10. egan says:

    Amanda – I love that you say your son works slowly. I’m not sure why that strikes me as funny, but it does. I can picture the look on your face as it happened.
    furiousball – did you smile? Please tell me you did even if you didn’t.
    Chris – is there ever a time when a Summer Sam’s isn’t appropriate? I think not. So you have some co-ed stalls at work? Catch anyone doing the nasty in them?
    Churlita – if you’re the dedicated runner I believe you to be, doing a sprint distance triathlon won’t be too tough. For most people the open water swimming is the biggest hurdle. Just sign up and then we can compare notes.
    Felisa – I’m sure they were mortified. I hoped they wouldn’t recognize me, but there’s only one exit. I was screwed. I saw half smiles on many people’s faces that day. It was not a shining moment for me. Green tea ice cream is the shit, antioxidants or not. I love it more than a cow jumping over the moon. (yes, I read kids books)
    Pants – it’s so damn cute. She looked at me last night and mumbled “bunny”. I didn’t understand what she wanted until I saw the bunny bathrobe over my right shoulder. I have to get a copy of it on video for all the world to see. And, Congrats are in order! I’m thrilled about your engagement. “Kiss your parents”.
    Sizzle – well, it still haunts me to this day. 16 year old ice cream scoopers at Baskin Robbins aren’t supposed to see a woman in her mid 70s pooping. It’s not how the world is supposed to work.

  11. brookem says:

    what do you mean by “cleaning?” is this what you call it in your house?
    i like the idea chris suggested for the sam summer!
    and green tea icecream doesn’t need to be nixed altogether…. that can be your reward on days you hit the pool or go for a ride!

  12. Gwen says:

    The man and I got married in Las Vegas and spent the whole night gambling. When we arrived at our honeymoon destination the next day, we were zonked. So when I invited the bell-boy in with the TV remote that was missing from our room, I didn’t even notice that my husband was sitting in the bathroom with the door wide open.
    Does that make you feel better?
    No? Still, don’t drown your sorrows in green tea ice cream.

  13. Cléa says:

    Thanks for the visual. Not.
    I worked for an old decrepit boss at some point who used to leave the door open when using the toilet upstairs. We never saw anything but the sound effects were enough to make you wish your life away.

  14. judi!!! says:

    of *course* she owns that robe. it would look silly on you.
    I miss you darlin!

  15. big bro says:

    it could have been worse, what if you were mid-wipe? or still “audibly busy”?

  16. qt says:

    I believe there is a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode that covers this type of thing.
    The bathroom issue, not your daughter running around in a bunny robe, that is.

  17. SM says:

    Dude. That’s crappy luck. Pardon the pun.
    How are the in-laws? Back home yet?

  18. SM says:

    Happy Birthday, friend.

  19. brookem says:

    happy birthday fellow fourth-er!

  20. tori says:

    Happy birthday! I hope it’s a great one!

  21. Jen says:

    Green tea ice cream sounds soo yummy!!
    Keep up the good work for getting back in shape. I was out of town for 2 weeks for work and did nothing to stay in shape, and I am now feeling it!!

  22. brandy says:

    I was wondering if you were going to blog about the bathroom incident! Anyhoots Mr. 4th, I hope you have an absolutely amazing birthday filled with lots of laughter and love.

  23. egan says:

    EVERYONE – thanks for the birthday wishes. It was a nice day spent eating a bit too much food for dinner. Bananas Foster is the bomb I tell you! The three of us went out for dinner and I crashed for a 90 minute nap once I got home. Yeah!

  24. egan says:

    Brookem – nothing, nothing gets passed you. Ugh. I think you know exactly what I mean which is why you asked.
    Gwen – that is such an awesome story. Did the bell boy’s cheeks turn red instantly? I bet they see some crazy things in Vegas. Not saying anything to slight your hubby, you know.
    Cléa – sometimes the sound is even worse. I’ve been known to bust up laughing when hearing some funny sounds in the W-C.
    Judi – well hello there friend. Nice to hear from you. The robe is a sweet one, but it’s too small for me and it’s pink.
    Big bro – who says I was not mid wipe? Yeah, now you feel bad.
    QT – I haven’t seen many Curb Your Enthusiasms, but I can only imagine. That seems right up what’s his name’s alley.
    SM – the inlaws were good, but you know that already because I’ve blogged about them since this post. Thanks for the birthday wishes. How’s business?

  25. ha ha ha. (re: the bathroom episode)

  26. Spring says:

    Oh boy, this was great. I can’t imagine the horror you felt having to leave the bathroom.
    I have never had anyone walk in on me, that I remember anyways. However, I have walked in on many. Normally when I walk in on someone going, I am so embarrassed for them and me that I like to flee the scene so they don’t see me again. Now that i’m older and wiser I always open the door slowly, a partial view is way better then a door wide open full view.

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