I Need a Periscope

I’m nosey alright. Normally I can figure out situations/relationships in a timely manner. However, these days I’ve been confounded by our new neighbors. When our old neighbors moved to San Francisco, they opted to rent their house. It took a couple months, but they did find some (entertaining) renters.

The moving day happened and we met some of the new residents. I remember one name from the eventful day. I recall the loads of kids I met which included three older kids and 15 month old girl twins. Family and friends helped with the move and we were excited to meet the new neighbors.

Six weeks later I still don’t have a full grasp on the family relationships. I will admit this bugs me more than it should. I know who the mom is. I’m pretty sure she’s the parent of all three of the older kids aged roughly 8-11, two boys and a girl. I’m 100% certain she’s also the parent of the 17 month old twins.

That’s where my certainty ends. Here are the cast of characters:

Female who drives a Toyota Corolla: The woman is rarely home when the mom is there. She’s roughly in her mid 20s and has some sort of accent, sounds Russian. At first I thought she was a babysitter. Then I thought maybe a sibling because she works really long hours. The newest theory from Mrs. Lessinges is this woman is an au pair.

Older male who drives a Scion xB: he introduced himself as the mom’s boyfriend on their move-in day. This man is easily in his late 40s and I haven’t seen a sign of this guy in the past three weeks.

Male with baggy pants who drives a beat up black Mercedes: this man is for sure the dad of the 17 month old twins. He visits the house regularly and will dropoff the kids there. On occasion he will stay with the kids there at the house. I can only assume he and the mom have joint custody of the toddler girls. He has stayed overnight a couple times. Age, mid 30s, baggy pants and avoids eye contact.

Male who pumps bass in his black sportscar: this man is about my age, in his mid 30s: I think this guy is the mom’s new main squeeze. I think the older Scion guy has been replaced by this guy. He first appeared on the scene about a week ago when he arrived to the house at 12:45am. I would say that’s booty call, but one never knows.

Noisy old guy: this man drives a Ford minivan and will take the older kids places. I assumed he was the grandfather at first. Lately though, I’ve had a change of heart. I believe he could be the father of the three older kids. This man wears suspenders and assembled their dining table in the wee hours of last weekend. Fun Fact: this man left as soon as the Bass Pumping guy arrived last weekend for his booty call.

Good luck sorting this out. Sadly, this is the exact type to occupy my mind far too often. Enjoy your Fourth!


About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
This entry was posted in Current Affairs, Games, Raging Dork, Who Edits a Blog Entry. Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to I Need a Periscope

  1. Amanda says:

    LOL! It certainly sounds like a situation worth pondering over. About two years ago, we had some mysterious new neighbors come in. They never came out during the day but there was A LOT of activity at night. Lost of people in their 20s going in and out. Lots of bad language too. This was when Aaron was a newborn so I was often up nights feeding, burping and whatnot so I spent a lot of time spying out the window. In the end, my conclusion was that the guys were all pimps and the girls…well, employees!

  2. meno says:

    You should make this into a photo essay with your spy camera. When you figure it out, let us know. Be sure to use a chart with lines and arrows so we don’t forget the cast of ever-changing characters.

  3. justrun says:

    Hm. Who needs a TV?!

  4. big bro says:

    Wow Mrs. Kravitz…you sure have been busy.
    the scenario you describe sounds like the household on “Weeds”. Good luck figuring it out- just don’t waste the whole weekend window-side!

  5. Golden says:

    Okay, that fascinated me wayyy too much. Please keep us updated!

  6. SM says:

    HA! I’m not joking when I say we had this EXACT situation across the street from us last year. All kinds of different people and not knowing who belongs to whom. You’ll have to let us know when the cops show up some night. The odds are pretty high that they will
    Hope you’ve had a great weekend!!

  7. tori says:

    I am incredibly happy to read this. I have a similar situation consuming a lot of my thought process in my own neighborhood. I am so happy to read that I am not the only one who needs to figure these things out!

  8. churlita says:

    I love figuring that kind of thing out too. You can save a lot of money not paying for cable if you have interesting enough neighbors.

  9. Golden says:

    I swear, last night, my upstairs neighbors were cleaning up after a murder or something. (Ok, I watch too much True Crime on TV), but it sounded like they were scrubbing the floors for about 2 hours.. then ‘thump, thump, thump’…something being dragged down the stairs.. Then, a man’s voice saying.. “This is not good”. I was afraid to go outside and check it out.

  10. egan says:

    Amanda – I like your conclusion. I’m pretty sure they’re not pimps, but there could most definitely be some nefarious acts. It’s very engaging. Man, I remember those newborn nights. I honestly don’t miss those.
    Meno – you’re right. Pictures could really make this all the more interesting although I think that could tread on some privacy issues. I’ve done very little snooping to figure out the above scenarios.
    Justrun – that is so true. We actually unplugged one of our TVs because of the DTV rollout and the Kindle.
    Big Bro – trust me, this sleuthing takes no effort whatsoever. By the way, we had an awesome weekend. We got to see the cousins from Georgia again and visit the zoo. I mean the actual zoo and not mom’s house.
    Golden – there are new developments since I originally wrote this post. Stay tuned.
    SM – I will not be thrilled if I have to call the cops, nor will the owners of the house. Let’s hope we just have a horny mom on our hands. The weekend was truly most excellent. And yours?
    Tori – I have a problem.
    Churlita – I particularly enjoy doing this same drill in the airport, figuring out who knows who and how.
    Golden – maybe they spilled their cocaine? Did you learn anything more about the residents today? The more I think about it, maybe they were simply trying to move a futon. Those things are a bitch to relocate.

  11. Cléa says:

    Sounds like you’ve got Desperate Housewives in your neighbourhood.

  12. Golden says:

    They were at it again last night. I live in a fairly well constructed condo. Very little noise gets through, so they are being particularly noisy. Sounded like wrestling and dropping frozen turkeys… He did ask me about 3 weeks ago if he’s noisy, he wasn’t at that time.

  13. Kerry says:

    Sounds like a Tyler Perry movie. “Madea Does Seattle” or something. lol
    Its free entertainment!!!

  14. eunice says:

    I certainly expect an update as you unravel the mysterious neighbor’s story.

  15. egan says:

    Clea – you would be correct. Our boring was all sorts of boring until the renters arrived. Fun times.
    Golden – at least this guy asked you? I swear folks who live in condos/apartments have no clue if they’re noisy or not. Maybe you can give a polite thump on the door.
    Kerry – it is quite entertaining. Right now, it’s 11:05pm and it doesn’t look like anyone is home yet almost all of the windows are open. Oh, and I just flashed the front lights on and off thinking it was friends of ours arriving. My neighbor must think I’m the freak.
    Eunice – you will most definitely learn more.

  16. brandy says:

    Okay so I read this the day after you posted it and have been thinking on it since. And I clearly have no idea what the hell is going on next door (even after all the heavy thinking) at your house but if you DO get more info, I definitely want to be updated. And yes, it’s 100 million times more weird that I’m nosy about this situation than you are. You live next door, that gives you a free pass to be nosy. I’m just… nosy without merit. But really. Keep me posted.

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