Certain things do scare me: Mary Hart, not completing a blog post, brussel sprouts, knives, guns, little boys with red curly hair, and men who clip their fingernails at work… to name a few.
A couple years ago I’d be hard-pressed to create a legitimate fear list. However, I’m pretty sure this has changed. A couple years ago I become a parent and so it’s fair to say I have new fears. Last week I turned on the TV late at night to unwind. Sprawled out on the couch, I found myself glued to an HBO documentary called Boy Interrupted. The documentary is about a mom who chronicles the life of her bipolar son with a video camera. It unfortunately has a tragic ending when the boy commits suicide at the age of 15.
I know, this isn’t a fun topic. It did get me thinking about the fragility of life. I’m honestly very thankful to never know anyone to personally take their own life. I can’t imagine how hard that would be for the victim, surviving family members, and friends. I’ve definitely experienced death first-hand having lost two siblings, but suicide is different.
In the two years since my daughter was born, I can tell you I have new fears. They’re no longer simple fears about celebrities or food. The thought of something going wrong with my daughter’s health or something more dramatic is unappealing I just don’t want to think about it. Yet here I am blogging about the topic. She means the world to me. I’ve learned so much about myself as we raise our child. Last Friday night she threw up a few times when we got home from work. Saturday morning she turns to us and says, “mommy, I need to spit”. The spitting action refers to her vomiting into a bucket. She took the whole being sick episode better than I would.
If you watch the news the headlines are inundated with horrible stories about children losing their lives early. Kids drowning, suffering a dog attack, getting lost in the woods, having a predator touch them, etc… these are things you hear about and hope like hell never happen to your own child. That shit freaks me out. I don’t want my daughter locked in a cave. She loves all the people she interacts with at daycare, but I can see where a parent might want their child to never leave their sight. I’m not a parent that subscribes to the isolation theory. I want her to see as much of the world as possible since I think much of her growth hinges upon the people she meets who aren’t her parents.
I would love to try and wrap this post up with a shiny bow, yet I haven’t a clue where I’m going with this entry. I guess watching the documentary and seeing the family’s raw emotions made my stomach sick. The stuff this family went through in hopes their boy would have a “normal” life is gut wrenching. I say compassion is key.