Easier?

Hello, it has been quite some time since I used this forum. I guess I’m brought back here when I feel a need to share how I’m feeling. My life is going much better than this time last year. I’m gainfully employed training people how to use software.

That’s not what I’m here to talk about though. It’s the Wednesday thing. Wednesdays are when I drop-off my daughter at her grade school in the morning and won’t see her for a few days, or in this week’s case… until next Monday.  After almost two years of a similar routine, this day of the week still plagues me. It tears at my heartstrings to know I won’t see her for 3-5 days. While I appreciate the down time, I definitely miss her presence during those days. Her energy and view of the world gives me great comfort.

When I wasn’t working, I would bridge this time by volunteerng at her school or taking her out for lunch on Fridays. When you work, those aren’t viable options so I’m left here daydreaming about her, smiling, reflecting, and perhaps tearing up a bit. I love who my daughter is and all her greatness and faults. For example, this week I sold my beloved 1999 Subaru Impreza. We loved that car, yes both of us loved it. I had to break the news to her Monday after school about the car’s status. Guess what? She cried when I told her the Subaru had been sold. I expected her to be sad, but to cry and ask questions about it as if she lost a friend? That was cute and probably similar to how I’d react as a child. It warmed my heart. We went on to have a nice discussion how we loved the car, but how we can love other cars as well and be thankful for our current circumstances.

aef_asleep
The Impreza is simply an object, but I like that she emotes. I hear parents telling their kids “don’t cry Peter, it will be fine” and it makes me cringe. We have feelings so why not express them? Sometimes it’s a tear, sometimes it’s frustration, and sometimes it’s a nice hug before drifting off to sleep surrounded by 18 stuffed animals in your bed. 

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About lessinges

Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
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8 Responses to Easier?

  1. Chris says:

    This is a very beautiful post Egan. I have my daughter on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday and there is always a void on the days without her.

    I am so happy that you and Ana have the relationship you do – you are a good man and a good dad.

    • lessinges says:

      Thanks Chris. I am left wordless sometimes at how grateful I am to be a parent. Things aren’t always ideal, but I’m happy with how things have progressed in the past few years, for everyone. Never thought I’d get to the light at the end of the tunnel and it sure as shit happened.

    • lessinges says:

      Chris – there is so much I can say about this. I have to bite my tongue because it easily been the toughest hurdle for me to overcome in my new life. I love the relationship I have with my daughter and I’m more than happy to spend as much time as I can with her. It brings me great joy.

  2. Snarky Baker says:

    That is sweet. I can’t believe how big she’s getting.

    I’ve been known to tell my son not to cry. Not because I don’t want him to be sad or express his feelings. But because when he cries, he wails and is uber dramatic. So, usually I say something like, “it’s OK to be sad, but please don’t scream while you’re crying. Go be sad and cry but quit screaming.” I can’t stand the screaming. When he gets like this, it’s usually forced or fake anyway, so I don’t feel bad telling him not to cry.

    When he’s truly sad, however, I let him cry. I agree – he needs to be able to show emotions and not let society tell him he can’t have feelings.

    • lessinges says:

      Well hello there stranger. Yes, crying is important and not something I feel we should discourage. She is getting so big. Tomorrow she goes with her mom to Chicago for a week, spring break. It will be good for her to see the extended family again, it has been three years since her last visit to the Land of Lincoln. Hope you’re doing well.

  3. Oh, this post made me tear up! It’s beautiful that you and your daughter actually had a talk about the old Subaru. I still remember the cars my parents drove when I was a kid (a matching white and blue Nissan). My dad and I would always race to the car to see who could put our seatbelt on the fastest – I loved it, and would get so hyped up I’m pretty sure it’d take me 5 minutes to calm down afterward (no, I never did notice that I my dad let me every time, haha).

    • lessinges says:

      Michelle Elle – I like that you and your dad raced with the seatbelt. It’s those kind of memories that we remember most as a kid. Not that maybe he let you win, it’s that he was there having fun with you in that moment. Rumor has it my posts have been making people cry. I will make sure to reverse the trend going forward.

  4. The Vega Driver says:

    Beautiful post. Bringing your readers to tears is not a bad thing.

    You are giving your daughter a beautiful gift. My mom never allowed me to show emotions. It’s bizarre, and makes no sense to me.

    I would sit on my dad’s lap and he would let me “drive” the Vega. Some of my best memories.

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