If you spend four weeks firmly planted in front of a tv, you could lose your mind. Here are some things I learned in the past month via the television.
MTV viewers love text messaging. They also have trouble figuring out the capital of the United States. Is it Miami or Washington D.C.? MTV viewers like to unscramble this L * H I D A Y word. Can you figure it out?
When MTV has nothing to show, we get to watch Tyra prance around stage, ANTM style yo!
Shawshank Redemption is even better without commercials, if that’s possible.
I can’t figure out who is a bigger loser: those who wave feverishly with their signs at The Today Show tapings or the fool watching Matt Lauer kiss ass to Miss Teen South Carolina?
Why the hell did The O.C. ever get cancelled? Too many hot brunettes for one show?
Nothing is cooler than catching a subtitled flick in the middle of the night filmed entirely in Seattle near our house.
MTV is a shitty network yet I somehow keep watching.
The American version of Big Brother is highly annoying. What the hell is an “HOH” and why did that chick hide that dude’s smokes? She’s all sorts of psycho. (don’t hate me Mez)
Baby Story isn’t so hard to watch, once you are a parent.
TiVo is easily one of the best damn inventions in the past 20 years. Even better than Ron Popeil’s food dehydrator.
Summer tv is shit.
On E!, they don’t want to call shows brand new, they prefer the label “Super New”. How cute.
For those that are smart and don’t watch tv, I will make it up to you later this week with a really nifty photo of me.
Thank someone that the remote control was invented and thank someone else for inventing cable tv. I couldn’t imagine spending 20 hours a day for four weeks at home with only the local channels. I like informercials and all, but I’m not going to be tricked into buying land from Mr. Love Connection Chuck Woolery.
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Current Preferred Baby Soothing Technique –> sit on fitness/birthing ball, hold baby in arms after changing diapers, and gently bounce. If done right, baby will doze off in 5-10 minutes.
Previous method –> the over the shoulder hold
About lessinges
Seattle native, discovering life! I like ice cream, cold cereal, and The Amazing Race.
The Continued Life of Monkey Boy 
We live in Indonesia and we get the E! channel too. Its full of….nothing…yet I have it on most of the time.
We used exactly the same method to put our son to sleep. Before we got the ball, we were doing squats!
not watch TV? Do we really want to know such freaks?
Tyra is FIERCE!!!
You should’ve read HP dammit! You’d have found more entertainment in those pages than watching summer television that’s for shizzo!
What HP book are you on?
Your first commenter was a tease. I thought she was the one-and-only for a second there before I went on the blog.
That was me—no cable and lots of PBS. How was your first day back to work?
Can you believe my baby is 5 months old already?
Too true… summer tv is awful. Great winter tv makes up for the nights drawing in 🙂
You are brave soul – you didn’t even use Netflix for substance?
I hope the first day was good – that can be tough after having that little Anna close to you all this time.
my friend, the oc isn’t canceled. they now have a new version. also the hills which has some of the oc cast. yeah, im obsessed. just ask brandy.
as for tyra, is it wrong that i have a video of her on my desktop when she belts out “kiss my fat ass!!” ? i dont think so.
love the birthing/exercise ball. oh, and lovy baby story and i have no babies. i just cry every time one is born, on the show or otherwise.
I haven’t sat down to watch a lot of TV this summer. Even though I keep the TV on all the time, I never really got into making a point of watching certain shows this summer. Last summer was an entirely different story. I was really into reruns of programs I didn’t watch the first time around such as: Everybody Loves Raymond, and Sex and the City. I could literally find either of these shows on some channel between 7pm – 2am Monday to Friday. I’m pretty sure I saw the entire run of both series last summer.
Oh and I agree with you 100% about American Big Brother. I tried to get into it and I just couldn’t be bothered. A friend of mine likes to call the show “Oh Brother!”.
Guess I’m the freak! I read blogs for TV recaps, cause it’s quicker and allows me to participate in regular old conversations. Damn, maybe I’m just a nerd instead.
I do get hooked on those awful marathons when they show eight hours straight of Dirt Jobs or some such rubbish. TV is too addictive, I had to give up.
oh no. i flipped out and responded too quick, getting my oc/laguna beach/hills facts mixed up. don’t hate me.
TV totally rots the brain. As I mentioned before, I was a total Beavis/Butthead addict when I was nursing my oldest son. Today, I’m hooked on ‘The Pick-Up Artist’ on VH1 and I wish I hadn’t missed an episode of ‘Damages’ on FX during my vacation because I’d love to still be hooked on that (yeah, I know I could download it on iTunes but then I’d have to find the time to watch it but I’m too lazy for both).
I’m confused about the unscramble – is the * holding the place of a letter? And I don’t know what HOH is which means I’ve not been balancing my VH1/MTV viewing.
I love hearing about the exercise ball technique!
Well, i do HAVE a TV, but i can’t actually remember the last time i turned it on. And you have not given me any incentive to do so.
I will surely be waiting for my photo. I watch very little tv. I only have a handful of favorite shows and if someone were to remove the tv from my home it may take me a while to actually notice. Now, if you were to remove my music I’d have to amputate your hands!
I miss music videos on MTV. They rarely have them now!
My new favorite thing is to listen to NPR in the evenings around 8ish. Last night I listened to Word for Word and learned a bunch of new stuff about China and the impact they’re having on the environment. Damn fascinating. Al Gore would be proud.
Pictures you say?
I’m more of a movie watcher. Although my daughter got me hooked on Project Runway last year.
Iam so incredibly baffles. I am a tv junkie yet barely understood this post – but I am sure it’s just me. Project Runway rules – I love Tim Gunn and desperately wanna have him over for dinner.
Amanda – hello again and welcome to my blog. You used the ball too? It’s quite handy. I can get nice abs and put my daughter to sleep. What a great idea.
Mez – man is Tyra ever fierce. Don’t cross her!
Airam – I’m still on HP Year one. I didn’t read much during paternity leave. It was very hard to decompress.
Airam – I know, it caught me off guard too. Two different peeps though.
*pixie* – PBS doesn’t have commercials right? They just guilt you into donating money every 5-10 minutes or so. 5 months flies by.
Guilty Secret – I love to find good new fall shows, only to have them canceled on me because everyone is watching McLosers.
QT – nope, we have entertained the idea of Netflix though. We had them before, but I get too impatient for the movies to arrive. HBO is pretty good.
Oh, day one wasn’t bad at all. Day two, a bit tougher as Anna was fussy after I left the house. I felt bad for my wife. Thanks for asking too.
Brookem – I think I need to call you on your “knowledge” of The O.C. You got to lay off The Sauce.
Amy – reruns of Seinfeld have been a nice treat since I didn’t see many of them new as I worked on Thursday nights in college. I hear you though, summer tv is lame.
Patches – you read blogs for tv recaps? Are you mocking me? I will never change your litter box again. That Dirty Jobs guy has a sexy voice.
Brookem – I don’t hate you, but Seth from the show might.
The Scarlett – what about Project Runway? Isn’t that your favorite show of all time? Oh, the scramble is this really lame ad on MTV. I dare you to sit down and watch a couple hours of MTV. The commercials are horrible. They scrambled the word holiday, but only altered a couple letters. It’s a text messaging scam. The exercise ball rocks.
Meno – there’s not much reason to watch tv aside from distracting oneself that a tiny human with teeth is biting on your tender parts.
Farmgirl19 – a photo should appear on this blog tomorrow, tomorrow.
Kerry – that was my thought too after watching Cycle 4 of ANTM on MTV all day Sunday. What a shame.
Sprizee – you have all the good tips and tricks. I will have to give that a listen.
Logo – you bet, pictures. Hang tight for tomorrow’s FKT offering.
Churlita – movies are more fun, but with little ones they can be hard to follow. Thankfully with HBO they are on all the time. This is also why I love TiVo so much.
Chris – was it really that confusing? Watch MTV for two hours straight and it will make more sense. I hear Tim Gunn puts out.
Mmmkay- stashing that baby soothing technique in my “THINGS TO TRY WHEN MY BABY FINALLY COMES OUT” file.
Jenin – it’s a pretty good one. Buy that Happiest Baby on the Block dvd by Dr. Karp too. It’s been a lifesaver.
Tell us more about the HBOTB DVD please.
Amen for Tivo! Saved my marriage, I swear!!
MTV is the root of all evil in our society. I didn’t read all your comments so I’m guessing that you know by now that HOH is head of household. I just love Dick.
he he, and if mum does the bouncing she can work those core stabilisers back to what they were, mind you, after one baby they are usually still pretty good if she was strong enough before birth.
I did the same, great tool that one. With my oldest son I sat on the edge of the bed and gently bounced him and he got a wee bit spoiled and only wanted bouncy put-to-sleeps, so only do it some times. 🙂
the soothing baby hold for me was “football hold” with baby facing down towards the rug and pick up the house with other arm. It worked. They loved it. And the house got picked up.
You deleted my comment, didn’t you?
Or maybe I commented on the wrong post. Shhhh! I’m not here. I’m writing. 😛
I think “writing’ is how I may have found your blog. Procrastinating, and reading Kris’s blog. Oy.
Soother here was a boob in the face. I was the Human Pacifier.
Speakinawhich, I watched The Pacifier with Vinn (hubba hubba) Diesel the other night and like it quite a lot. You know how I love a shaven head. And that voice is OMG. This really has no place on your blog, does it?
Or is it Vin? I guess it’s Vin. And I didn’t really watch it with him, but I wish I had.
I have to make up for Amanda.
Hence the comments. Cuz normally I just lurk.
ahh seth. i just hope it’s not marissa’s sister that hates me.
It saddends me to see a link missing.
I can’t spell. How am I supposed to teach when I can’t spell?
*pixie* – HBOTB DVD? I don’t follow. Are you talking in code again?
Chaos Control – I seriously wouldn’t doubt it. It’s an amazing invention for those of us who have a wicked tv habit.
Cake Lady – yeah MTV is quite lame if you ask me. I can’t stand Big Brother, the host is horrible.
Hannelie – it’s good to know it worked for someone else. My wife can’t use the birthing ball yet due to her c-section recovery.
Steppingoverthejunk – I’ve done the football hold while doing chores around the house. It’s really nice to have a small baby for that technique.
Tall Chick – yes, you commented on a different post. I would never delete a comment from you. I hardly ever delete any period. Who is Kris?
Tall Chick – boob as a soother? I’m guessing none of your kids were born with a tooth. I had a feeling you’d love Vin based soley on his hair. The guy really can act too (sarcasm).
Tall Chick – I know, she is missed.
Brookem – Marissa’s sister is a tough one, but she’s a cutie. Is it wrong I think that? Moving right along.
Airam – it saddens me too, but the site isn’t there and our friend will understand why I removed it. I’m guessing she’s reading… just not commenting.
Airam – you’re a teacher?
So this is what happens! Egan doesn’t blog and turn to TV?? Mon dieu! What is the world coming to… 😉
But would you delete a comma?
Kris from Not Yet a Wino.
Yes, boob as soother. You’re clearly forgetting that I nursed them all until they had a full mouthful. ^_^
I knew you wouldn’t be threatened by Vin’s manliness or acting resume. Or biceps.
I’m sad that you are NOCing instead of NAKing. It makes it that much harder to put off writing anything.
Wow, I haven’t NAKed in, like, 2 years. Naked, yes, but NAKed, no.
you watch tv so i don’t have to, ok? doesn’t seem like i am missing much!
I watch that “Sweet 16” show on MTV sometimes and it really screws with my head. At first I am enraged that anyone should get a pink Cadillac when they are 16 years old, or any age really, but then… then I start thinking “why didn’t I get Ryan Cabera flown in for my birthday party”. Then I call my mom and we sit down and have a chat. Where she reminds me that a) such parties are not normal b) as much as I pretend I don’t like it when people focus on me, hence why i cover my face when people sing ‘happy birthday’ to me and c) i have no idea who ryan cabera is. Fuck MTV. And I would put that on a t-shirt.
Oh, the humanity! I do my best to steer clear of all that TV stuff.
My preferred thing was to slap on the Baby Bjorn with my son inside it. I could get tons of things done like that.
I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment of MTV. But I am addicted (shamefully) to the celebreality rot that airs wall to wall on VH1.
Can you tell yesterday was a bad day? Apparently when the days are bad I take them out on MTV and the comment section of your blog.
Your current baby soothing technique will also land you with tighter abs and thighs. Cool!
And I clearly need to start reading more, since I followed 100% of what you said in your post.
I continue to have nothing interesting to say, so my plan is to just leave comments on other peoples blogs. It makes me feel useful. Whoa, that wasn’t supposed to sound nearly as sad as it did.
ChickyBabe – that wasn’t by choice, it was because I couldn’t think with all the baby stuff on my mind. I kind wanted brainless entertainment.
Tall Chick – Vin is a wimp. You’re tough for tooth stuff. Kris is good, good peeps alright and she loves cats.
Tall Chick – I wish I understood the NAK and NOC stuff. Must be a mommy thing.
Sizzle – you’re not missing anything. I do have to watch the news so I can locate The Iraq on a map.
Brandy – your thought process on this comment couldn’t be more apparent. I love how you spelled it all out for us. That Sweet 16 show really pisses me off. I think it’s why I really stopped watching MTV along with Jackass. Let’s do this thing.
Delton – I would love to use the Baby Bjorn, but our daughter doesn’t weigh enough to use it just yet. I know, tv sucks.
Jennifer – are you telling me you’re still in the running to be America’s Next Top Model?
Brandy – if that is the case, I sort of wish you have more bad days and outlash here on my blog.
Kelly – you really did understand 100% of that? You might be the only blogger who did. Thanks for confessing. Tighter abs and a soothed baby, perfect plan. Well the back gets sore really fast.
Brandy – don’t be so hard on yourself, isn’t Justin Timberlake coming to town soon? He’ll make things better since he’s bringing sexy back. It didn’t sound sad to me, trust me.
Oh cable talk! I’ve lacked cable for three of my four college years. Ah, zoning out to HBO, Comedy Central, and Health Discovery was heaven.